


A Boy Named Arin Hanson

by ActualRealLiveFiveYearOld



Category: Game Grumps
Genre: Alternate Universe - Normal High School, Bullying, High School, Homophobic Language, M/M, Mutual Pining, Pining
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-10-11
Updated: 2018-01-13
Packaged: 2018-08-21 19:40:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 15
Words: 45,911
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8258111
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ActualRealLiveFiveYearOld/pseuds/ActualRealLiveFiveYearOld
Summary: Dan is a shut-in. A perfectly complacent shut-in, thank you very much, who is only waiting for graduation so he can escape. But a boy walks into his life who is a sharp contrast to his dark clothes and moody demeanor, a boy who wears pink and talks loudly and seems to radiate some sort of God-awful aura of sparkles. A boy that Dan is falling hopelessly for. A boy named Arin Hanson.





	1. Ouch

**Author's Note:**

  * For [TheseusInTheMaze](https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheseusInTheMaze/gifts).



> HELLO!  
> I'm taking on another story, even though I most likely can't handle it.   
> But I love this idea, so please bear with me, my babies.   
> If you like it, maybe leave a review.   
> I'll definitely see it.   
> And be inspired to write more, because I function solely off of other's opinions of me.   
> Gifted to Theseusinthemaze because you are one of the only reasons I'm still writing, and I always reread "It Doesn't Taste Blue" when I need inspiration.  
> Check them out, everyone.   
> BUT NOW TO THE STORY!

Dan brushed his hair down in front of his face, contemplating (for the eighteenth time that morning) whether he should just take the plunge and dye it black. He already wore black all the time, it wasn't like it would be a huge difference. Drawing his hands from his tangled hair, he rehashed the year-long argument.   
He could finally control something about himself, change a part of himself to prove that he could. That was good.  
But something innate in him pulled him to stay natural, as though he would only draw attention to himself if he changed. People would notice.   
That was less good.   
He tried so hard to hide, keep his head down and his mouth shut. He found that it often kept him from meeting any kind of conflict with the inane dickheads of his school.   
He may have been quiet and dismissive, but even he could admit that he was argumentative as hell. Knowing he could ream anyone dumb enough to step up to him offered the boy no comfort, as he could still get his ass kicked if they decided to get physical. His stature didn't reflect his aggressive streak, as he was lean and long-limbed, and (as everyone kept reminding him) tall.   
Oh yeah, he looked like a goddamn noodle.   
At least he didn't have short hair anymore. The months that the summer had provided had ended up in the nice, shaggy style he preferred. Now his fringe could hang in his face and provide a thick barrier between him and the world. A world that he would have to face very soon.   
Ugh.  
The ride to school was quiet as he hurriedly finished his English homework from the passenger seat. He had to keep his average in order to keep his mother off of his back, but his Xbox had been calling to him the night before. To be honest, it was much more interesting than whatever he was working on now.   
  
"-and I just want you to be more involved."  
Oh god, his mom had been talking to him.  
"Yeah, I understand." He guessed in his answer, figuring it was his best bet to just agree with her.   
"Maybe you could find some friends? Your studies look good, and it might be fun to hang out with someone."  
His mother lecturing him about finding friends? This was a new low.   
"Mom, all the kids at school are already friends. I can't just find a friend group."  
She nodded quietly.   
"Everyone there sucks anyway."  
"Daniel!" She eyed him warningly.   
"Sorry. Stinks." He corrected himself. Of course, he would mutter obscene things to himself in the halls, but it was nice to let her think she had some control over him.   
He had never had the urge to rebel against her, actually. She always treated him well, and he had privileges available that he didn't even use because he never misbehaved.   
Then again, he never misbehaved because he never did anything.   
The car rolled to a stop outside of the school as Dan crammed the last-nights homework into his bag.   
"I love you, sweetheart. Have a good day."  
"You too, Deb." He smiled as she pulled him in to kiss him on the cheek. Because fuck it, he didn't have friends anyway and his mother wanted to tell him she loves him.   
The wind cut through his hoodie as he walked into the school. At least it hid his earbuds well. Honestly, he could do that with his hair alone, but the rumor was true: being skinny was some chilly business. Also, the hoodie covered the wrinkly shirt underneath it. He hadn't bothered to even pick out a clean one-- if there were any left in his disaster zone of a room. What was the point? If he was going about his day correctly, then no one should be noticing him anyway. A wrinkly shirt would make him Stand Out.   
He didn't want that.  
He didn't even want the wild, "live-like-you're-dying-and-peak-like-you-were" high school experience. He just wanted to bide his time so he could have the money to party later on.   
It seemed that the shrieking freshmen in the hallways felt drastically different, preparing for whatever "rager" was occurring the next night. "Rager" in quotes because it usually just ended up in awkward teenagers sneaking tiny bits of alcohol, turned down music, and fake-drunk teenage boys trying to reach up younger girl's shirts. All occurring in a fully-lit house, often with the parents being upstairs in their rooms, coming down to dispel any problematic behavior.   
Gross.   
  
So Dan was keeping to himself, trying to avoid any shoulder contact with everyone in the hallways.   
Just get to class.  
Get to class, wait until you can get home, play games until four a.m..   
That was his plan.   
Until a solid force slammed into his right side.   
He hit the ground hard, knocking the wind straight out of his lungs. His vision was filled with stars for a moment, and he found himself staring at the cieling. The pattern of soft speckled tiles was interrupted by a kind, roundish face.   
  
"I'm so sorry!"   
Dan was silent and confused as a warm hand filled his. He was being... pulled back up? He was standing. Books were being shoved into his hands, and apologies insisted.   
"Sorry, sorry! I wasn't looking!" His voice got higher with every word.   
"It's... fine," Dan muttered, wide-eyed. The boy who knocked him over seemed genuinely sorry, not sarcastic or patronizing.   
He almost looked scared. Maybe his all-black ensemble and wild hair was more intimidating than he thought.   
"Really, it's not a problem." He tried to assure him.   
The guy was still kneeling in front of him, picking up his papers. Dan knelt next to him, gathering up papers emblazoned with scrawled words in all capital letters.   
ARIN HANSON.  
Arin Hanson. Dan filed that away for another time.   
"I'm so fat and clumsy, this happens all the time."   
He wasn't fat. Dan knew that for sure.  
He didn't say it out loud, though.   
Arin didn't look as though he was waiting for him to, either.   
Dan pushed as many papers as he could together and handed them to Arin.   
"Thanks. Sorry again."  
"Don't be." Dan awkwardly smiled. "I'll see you later, okay? Gotta.... get to class." He pointed behind him, trying not to seem like he was escaping the conversation. He was, but he didn't want to sound like it.   
"Sure. Bye, man!" Arin called loudly through the hallway as Dan walked away, causing him to cringe inwardly.   
Dipping his head down, he pushed his earbuds back in and headed towards English. For some reason, Dan was blushing crazily. He didn't understand why he hadn't just gotten up and walked away, why he had been stunned into speaking. Why was it that he hoped Arin was watching him leave, when he spent so much time trying to avoid exactly that?

Why was Arin different? 

The bell rang, and Dan attempted to put it from his mind.   
  
Now he had a new goal to add to the list.  
Just get to class.   
Get to class, wait until you can get home, play games until four a.m..   
Don't think about Arin Hanson.  
\-----------  
He turned in the homework and tuned out his teacher at the beginning of class. All he wanted to do was sit and think.   
Unfortunately, all of his thoughts traveled back to the boy in the hallway.   
Arin Hanson.   
He must have been new. He _had_ to have been.   
Dan would have remembered a face like that.   
Even though he kept his hood down and his eyes the same, he still would have noticed Arin walking around. Who wouldn't? Bright eyes, long hair, and (as Dan valiantly tried not to notice) _awesome_ butt. Yes, Dan took notice to a person like Arin. Even though the hot-pink shirt he was wearing that had " _Baby Girl_ " printed across it in blue cursive was minutely frightening. Arin radiated this light, even when he was self-deprecating, even when apologetic, that made Dan want to stand near him. Stand under the light as a small child does with a Christmas tree, admiring the colors and way it bounces off of the walls.  Dan felt an almost immeadiate attachment to the boy, like an ornery magnet that just passed by a really good-looking fridge. Or rather, the fridge slammed into the magnet forcefully, and the magnet stammered and blushed until the fridge smiled.   
Why was this such a big deal to him?   
He tried to slip back into his little box, the one he put his mind in that closed his mind to everyone around him.   
He couldn't. He kept mentally slipping out, grasping to the idea of the boy as though he were a fish trying to escape a net by swimming down. His little box was in tatters, and there was one boy to blame.

A boy named Arin Hanson. 


	2. Coolest Mom Ever

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some plans are made, and Dan realizes he has the coolest mom ever.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's back, it's here, it's all new!   
> Well, the story is. I still suck at writing.   
> Have fun with this one. Dan has some worries, some things happen... it's gonna be a wild ride.

Dan thought about going to the cafeteria, maybe sitting with Arin and figuring out more about him.   
Like, why did he intrigue Dan so much?  
Dan didn't have any interest in anyone in that school, why did a boy he only met for thirty seconds make him want to stay?  
He didn't seem to be in any of Dan's classes, which was a disappointment. There was no way to locate him, and he couldn't exactly _ask_  anyone. So he decided to forget about it.   
In that case, why was it so hard to walk to the library?  
Why did he want to go to the bustling room, filled with people ready to stare at him and the loudest voices in the school? Normally, he'd give it a wide berth, but he was nearing the doorway.   
Then he stopped.   
It would be weird, wouldn't it? Weird for him to just walk up, tap him on the shoulder and... do what? He didn't know how to talk to him!  
Dan decided that he was too uncertain for this. Too uncertain to approach Arin, too hesitant in his own thoughts.   
The boy he imagined Arin to be through his first two classes could be completely wrong, anyway.   
Maybe he wasn't the tentative doe-eyed beauty Dan had been conjuring him up as. He could be a complete dick, for all he knew about him.   
He wanted to believe he wasn't, though.   
Dan shook his head, as though it would clear the thoughts from it. It didn't. But it did make it easier to head to the library.   
\------  
Dan opened his textbook, starting his homework. If he completed it before school ended, he could have all day to play on his Xbox. That would take his mind off of everything. He had some leftover pizza he heated up in the resource room, and he was ready to balance this fucking reaction.  
Dan was sat at a table between two large shelves, filled with books that he could guess had never been touched. That's why he chose the Skill-Sets section, because no one ever came back there. No one wants to learn how to sew or draw from a book when Google is at their fingertips. It gave him a quiet, calm place to work and eat, without any distractions.   
  
Chemistry went quick, but Trig was more complicated. He was never good with anything that had less than two possible answers, and Trigonometry was not a kind subject to him.   
Graphing this tangent was going to drive him up the fucking wall.  
Once more, he debated abandoning it and stretching his long legs across the school. He knew, in the back of his mind, that walking alone in the hallways would get him Noticed, and it was a bad idea to be where someone could find him. This year he hadn't been attacked yet, and he was determined to keep that streak. Unless Arin had pushed him down?   
Did that count?   
Dan wasn't going to think about it. He just hoped his apology had been real, not some fabricated words meant to make the teachers back off.   
He groaned lightly. It didn't matter, remember? Arin was irrelevant, just another guy to fade into the cream-colored walls of the school. He was just a g-  
"Hey, buddy!" A loud, chirping voice scared Dan out of his reverie. He froze instead of jumping as a textbook slammed onto the table in front of him.  
"I knew I recognized the hair! I ran into you this morning, but seeing your face, I don't know if you remember me..."   
Arin was chattering nervously, as one would to happily approaching a silent person.   
Didn't remember him? God, Dan couldn't fucking stop.   
"No, I remember." The words crawled out of his throat, and his mouth twisted into what he hoped was a friendly smile.   
Arin stopped.  
"You okay, bro? Looking a little pained. Should I leave you alone?"   
Oh, god no. Not while he was looking so nicely at Dan.   
"No! I mean, it's fine. You can sit down." Dan blathered on. How did he do this whole conversation thing, again? His heart was doing this odd skipping thing, he wasn't sure why that was.   
Oh yeah, Arin had scared him. That's what it was...  
Dan hurried to clear a space on the desk, his textbooks having been his only companions. Arin plopped down across from him, nervously arranging his things on the table. This felt like a job interview.   
At first, they both went to their work.  
 Dan wracked his brain and notes to find the solution to the problem, but he kept looking up at Arin to watch him. Sometimes, he was tapping his pencil, bumping Dan's leg, drumming his fingers against the table-top... 

But sometimes Dan was looking up only to meet Arin's eyes, watching him all the same. A spark of electricity shot up his arms every time it did. Maybe if he was just quiet, he could ride this one out...  
"Having trouble, bro?"  
Arin spoke suddenly, much too loud for the library. Why wasn't anyone quieting him?   
"Hm? Oh, yeah. I just suck at math."   
"Oh, I kick ass at math." He grabbed Dan's paper and snuck his pencil out of his hand. Dan sat back, dumbfounded.   
Why was Arin acting like they had been friends forever?  
"What subject do you like?" The boy was looking over his notes. No longer was he the nervously apologetic mess in the hallway. He coolly stared at the papers like he could decipher the handwriting. His valiant effort was rewarded as Dan leaned forward.   
"That says 'graph the equation'." He pointed to his own handwriting.   
"Oh! I couldn't... tell." Arin seemed hesitant to say it, as though he would be offended.   
"It's fine. I'm left handed, the shit gets messed up." He chuckled lightly, and the redness creeping up Arin's neck was... cute.   
"Alright, let's graph some fucking tangents!" He giggled in an effort to lighten the situation.   
\---  
Arin explained the procedure of the questions to Dan. He didn't understand.  Dan walked him through comprehension and deeper meaning on his English paper. He didn't understand.   
After a while, they gave up.   
"I can come help you some day after school, if you want." Arin offered it first, the affable conversation having drawn the boys a bit closer, now sitting on the same side of the table.   
"What day are you free?"  
"My parents work a ton, so any day. Especially if it's homework."   
Hold on, why was he making plans? Dan didn't have friends. He didn't like people. Why was Arin so _DIFFERENT_?   
Dan decided to throw his caution to the wind.   
"I'm free this weekend. Do you play video games?"  
Arin's eyes lit up, almost mischievously.   
"I fucking love video games. What console?"  
"Xbox. You want to bring some games over, and we can hang out?"  
At least if they had games, it wouldn't be awkward.  
"That would be awesome." Arin was agreeable, and it seemed he had forgotten all the same that they only knew each other for a day.   
"I was just beginning to lose hope of finding someone cool at this school," Arin began. Sheepishly, he added:  
"Or at least someone who can put up with me."  
It was a pleasure talking to him. The most fun Dan had at lunch since he started at the school. He didn't say any of this, just as he refrained from commenting on Arin's self-deprecation in the hallway. It might be seen as overstepping his boundaries, but Arin was lying to himself. Dan tried to lighten the situation.   
"Trust me, I'm not cool. I'm literally the most anti-social person you'll ever meet." He waved his hand dismissively.   
"You're being pretty social with me." Arin winked at him.  
"Maybe I just think you're cute."   
What was he doing?! Literally a day into their friendship and Dan was acting gay. He could do nothing more than hold his breath and hope Arin shared his sense of humor.  
"Oh, li'l old me?" He fluttered his long eyelashes in a coquettish manner. Damn, he was cute.   
Dan needed to stop this train of thought at the station.  
"Yeah. Maybe I wanna get my hand on that sweet ass of yours." Dan smirked in a lopsided manner while his mind screamed behind his words.   
He needed to sit down and have a chat with his brain-to-mouth filter.   
Arin wiggled in his seat, making obscene kissing noises.  
"It's all yours, baby."  
It was way too loud for the library. Dan and Arin cackled in the quiet section, both trying to hush the other and avoid bursting into more fits of laughter. It was just swimming in breathlessness and the dawning realization that Dan was having fun at school.   
The bell shrieked over their dying giggles as they stared at each other with bright eyes.

Oh, yeah. Lunch didn't last forever. 

"What's your next class?" Dan hoped like hell it was with him. Were they even in the same grade?  
Oh god, he didn't know anything about him. And he was coming over! For an entire weekend!  
So why wasn't Dan nervous?  
"English." Shit. That had been his first class.   
"I don't." Dan rolled his eyes, and noticed Arin's shoulders sagging minutely.  Did he want to hang out with him? Then Arin's hand was locked around his wrist, and extending his arm. Grabbing a Sharpie from the table, he uncapped it with a pop and pressed it to the paler skin of his arm. A number took form through the dark marks.   
A phone number.  
Arin's phone number.   
Dan's heart leapt into his throat as he stammered lightly. Arin drew a heart next to it and waggled his eyebrows suggestively up at him.   
"I should write mine-" Dan began. Arin held up a hand.   
"Text me, alright? I trust you." A small smile started on his face, and Dan's heart kicked it up a notch. Whoops.   
Dan nodded instead of answering aloud, for fear that his voice would break. He gathered up his books hurriedly, shoving them into his backpack.   
"I'll see you." He mumbled it to Arin, and the boy responded bombastically.   
"Adieu, my love!" He dramatically threw an arm over his eyes while walking backwards in the other direction, running into a locker on the way out.   
He winced and rubbed his shoulder, and Dan laughed loudly at both the proclamation and the blunder.   
Guess Arin _had_  run into him on accident. That dork.   
Why was warmth filling Dan's chest when the image of Arin popped into his head?   
Dan dismissed this question almost violently as he stalked towards his class, focusing on the floor in front of him. Every movement he made, every step he took and word he said, he questioned.   
But he didn't question himself when he was talking with Arin. He settled into a groove that was almost familiar, clicking together musically as personalities melded and collided.   
Of course he didn't feel uncomfortable. Arin was his exact opposite, yet they fit together like (forgive the cliche) puzzle pieces. He questioned himself before and after, but his heart took the reigns every moment it was occuring. He might have questions, but he might be able to get answers later on. Right now, he wasn't worrying.   
He didn't doubt himself with Arin Hanson.   
\---------------  
Dan was doubting himself, and doubting himself _hard_.   
Was he even interesting enough to entertain the boy? What if he got there and it was awkward the entire time?   
What if he wasn't free this weekend?  
Dan was working up the courage to ask the entire way home.   
His mom had just finished talking shit about some bitchy coworker (which was always hilarious) and Dan had only been focused on his fidgeting hands.   
And, like mothers do, his mother noticed.   
"What's wrong, Danny?" She reached out and held his hand, and he squeezed it.   
"I need to ask you something." He was afraid of her answer, and he was stalling. Her expression changed from confusion to worry.   
"About what?"   
Dan didn't answer. He was still formulation his response in his mind.   
"Leigh Daniel Avidan, are you on drugs?" She prodded him accusingly, her tone forcing his eyes up to hers, wide open.   
"No! Jesus, Mom. I just wanted to know if someone could... come over this weekend?" He was quiet at the end, and braced himself for the inevitable plans she would have that would hinder the meeting. His downcast eyes missed her face lighting up.   
"Are you serious?!" She gasped excitedly. "My baby boy is all grown up!"  
He was pulled over the center console into a hug. Had he any shame left, this might have been embarrassing. But for now, he could smile bashfully and pat the hand on his jawline. She seemed happy, it was all that mattered.   
"Tell me about them! It can't be anyone you've known before... is it a girl?"  
Rapid-fire questions were presented to him, causing him to hold up his hands defensively.   
"It's a boy... named Arin Hanson." He hoped she wouldn't ask any other questions. He didn't know much. His mother's eyes raked over him, scrutinizing.   
   They caught at his wrist, where the heart was still visible under his long sleeves.

"What's that!" She shrieked excitedly and pulled his arm over. She pushed the sleeve of the hoodie up to expose the number still etched on his arm.   
"He gave you his phone number!" She fake-swooned and brushed away tears.   
"Mom..." Dan grinned despite himself, trying to act the long-suffering teenager part. Honestly, he loved little moments like this. If it made her happy that he was hanging out with someone, then Arin could come over a lot.   
"To answer your question sweetheart, there's nothing going on this weekend. But... I think your father and I will make an effort to stay in our room, or be out of the house. A lot of movies suddenly look particularly interesting..." She teased.   
"Mom!"   
She winked at him.   
"Come on, Danny. You're a junior in high school. Live a little!" She pinched his cheek lovingly, and his face reddened.   
"But always be safe." She poked him.   
  
"I'm not dating the guy! We're gonna study!" He put his hands over his face. His mother was telling him to get some dick!  
"Oh, come on. Is he cute?"  She accelerated when a light turned green. Dan didn't answer. Instead, he stared at his lap. His mom got the idea.   
"He is, isn't he? What does he look like?"  Oh no. How would he describe Arin?  
"He's, uh..." Dan searched for an adjective. "He's tall."  
"Tall?" She stared at him, unimpressed. "Danny, you're tall."   
"Yeah, I know." He tried again. "He's got brown hair, and he's muscular..." He stammered.   
"Okay, don't hurt yourself, baby." She smiled. "I'll see him soon enough. What time is he coming over?"   
They were turning into his driveway. What time did Arin want to come over? He needed to clean his room. And the house! Oh, god. What if Arin thought he was dumb? Or gross?   
Stop. Calm down. Breathe.   
"I'll text him later." He smiled and held his arm up, flashing the number again. She chuckled. Did he have the coolest mom in the world? Yeah. Yeah, he did.   
They got out of the car and headed into the house, Dan's heavy backpack slung over his thin shoulders. He ran to his room, throwing the bookbag by his door and closing it, throwing himself onto his bed. He was all limbs when he situated himself, staring into the mirror he had this morning. This time, he pulled his hair over his face to hide the dumb grin on his face. A dark mark flashed over his elbow, and he stopped to look. A bruise was forming where they had slammed into the floor, and Dan giggled.   
Such a dumb fucking way to meet someone. Such a dumb fucking face he was making behind his hair.   
Such a dumb fucking thing to be this excited about.   
He pulled out his phone, smiling even wider as he added the number to his contacts. It was listed under ' _Arin <3_', rising even above Avi in his contact list. Five contacts. He was up to five.   
He pulled up a new text page, coasting from the inertia of his excitement. He came screeching to a halt when he went to type the message.  
What if he was busy?  
What if he didn't want to talk to Dan?  
Stop. Calm down. Breathe.   
He took the plunge, trying to return to his happy demeanor.   
  
D- _Hey_.   
  
The response was immeadiate.   
  
A- _Hiya, sexy_.   
  
Dan threw his phone down as the words went straight through his stomach. He chuckled and buried his face in his arms.   
God, this was going to be fun.


	3. I Can't Wait

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dan can't wait to see his friend again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Goodness, I don't think you guys know JUST HOW much research I put into this story. Well, tell me if you like it.   
> Thanks, everybody!

 

* * *

_A- Hey, sexy_.   
  
Dan stared at the message for a couple seconds before it processed. It was a joke. That was, as Dan was very quickly realizing, his sense of humor.  
He typed out a message, having to rethink it four times and retype each word because of his thumbs.   
  
_D- How are you, baby girl?_  
  
_A- I'm better now, sweet thang._   
  
God, he was fast. It seemed the three dots didn't even get a chance to show up before Arin had responded.   
  
_D- Seriously though, what time tomorrow?_   
  
Arin's response wasn't quite so immeadiate this time. Dan felt a panic shake his chest.  
  
_D- If you still want to come over, I mean._  
  
_D- You don't have to._   
   
Dan threw his phone to the side. He had been weird, hadn't he? Of course Arin was kidding about coming over. Why would he hang out with someone gets just met? It was strange to even think about, now that he thought it through. Arin must think he was desperate... ugh. He knew he should text and say he was kidding or something, but he had already triple-texted. It would only make things more awkward. He just had to wai-  
  
His phone buzzed.  
His hands were on it in an instant, flipping it on. He expected Arin to laugh, or ask him if he was serious in some expectant manner...   
No.   
It was...   
  
_A- Around 4:30._  
  
_A- I had to ask. My mom is already asking if you're cute_.   
  
Dan smiled. At least he wasn't alone.   
Wait, did Arin date guys? Dan's parents knew he liked boys...   
Was Arin gay?  
Did Dan have a chance?  
Stop. They were friends. They had just met.   
He still beamed at the words.   
  
_D- Is that so?_  
  
_A- Yup. I told her you were super hot._  
  
_D- My mom said she had to see you if you were as pretty as I said._   
  
He was becoming more at ease, joking with Arin. Then he remembered he knew nothing about him.   
  
_A- Oh, really? I'm flattered, baby_.  
  
Then a picture popped up, surprising the boy. It was Arin, goofily throwing up a peace sign in his room. Dan took a screen shot of it before his mind could react. He went back to the main text page, seeing the new message.  
  
_A- Just so you can show her. Or a profile picture ;D._  
  
He didn't know how to respond. He settled for a question to hide for his bashful nature at the moment.   
  
_D- What grade are you in?_  
  
_A- Eleventh_.   
  
Arin was a junior too, it seemed. How did they not have any classes together? It seemed odd. Maybe God was just playing a cruel joke on him.   
  
_A- So, 4:30?_  
  
_D- Yeah. My mom can come pick you up, if you want_.   
  
That sounded strange.   
  
_D- From school, I mean._  
  
_A- Sounds awesome._  
  
_A- What games do you want to play?_  
  
_D- Aren't we supposed to be studying?_  
  
_A- Did you really plan on studying when such a hot piece of ass is in the room?_  
  
A pause.  
  
_A- Your words, not mine_.   
  
Dan was giggling full force now. It seemed that some sort of dam had broken, and he could be comfortable.  
  
_D- They're true tho!!!_  
 _D- You are one sexy piece._   
  
A winking emoji followed, and something told him Arin was laughing on the other side. This was... cool. Almost made him want more friends. Ones that were nice, anyway. Not like a lot of the guys at his school.   
He shuddered. Not the time to think about that.  
  
_A- Oh Danny, you flatter me._  
  
_D- Gross don't call me that. That's what my mom calls me._  
  
He didn't want to think of his mom while play-flirting with his maybe-crush-mostly-friend.   
  
A- _Dannnyyyyyyy_  
  
D- _Come on, man!_  
  
A- _mMm, Dannyyyy!_  
  
Dan was positive that he was bright red, and maybe-kinda imagining Arin moaning his name. Which was...strange. Yeah, let's go with that.   
Not totally making his toes curl and his mouth cease to function.   
  
D- _Bro!_  
  
He sent that at the same time a message from Arin made his phone ping.   
  
A- _I'm not tho._  
  
D- _Not what?_  
  
A _\- A hot piece_.   
  
That was out of nowhere. Dan sobered up from his laughter a bit, staring at his phone. He was puzzled. Was Arin serious? Did he not know how cute he was?  
He flashed back to the hallway and the library. Both times, Arin had been putting himself down. Was this a normal thing? Maybe he was self-conscious about it. He shouldn't mention it. 

D- _You totally are._   
  
A- _Nah._  
  
A- Oh shit my mom is calling me. I'll see you tomorrow?  
  
D- _Not if I die first_  
  
A- _Lmao, bye dude._   
  
Dan put down his phone. He should get changed. Checking his alarm clock, he pulled his shirt off.   
  
Holy shit, it was five?!  
  
Two hours had flown by talking to Arin. No wonder he had to leave. It was probably dinner for him. He just hoped he wasn't bothering the boy.   
Was he?  
What if Arin had been waiting for the conversation to be over, trying to get Dan to say goodbye? Oh, Arin probably thought he was weird.  
Stop.  
Arin had fun, hadn't he? He was laughing. But he seemed to have this issue with his own self-image.   
Because where Dan saw muscle and sturdy body type, Arin saw himself as fat. Where there was a bubbly, maybe-sometimes-a-little-too-loud personality, Arin called himself annoying.   
And he didn't think he was cute, either.  
But he _was_.   
His silence when Arin had said these things about himself bothered him, but he didn't know if he'd be over-stepping his bounds with the boy. He'd known him all of a day, and he was the sole thought that prevailed in his mind.   
  
"Danny, come set the table!" His mom yelled from the kitchen.   
Danny.   
He didn't know whether to blush or cringe, but he did know his heart was jumping.   
"Coming!" He rolled out of bed, successfully landing with his feet on the floor. Nice. He had failed at that a lot.   
Time to face his family.   
\-----------  
"Is he handsome?"   
  
Immeadiately, Dan knew this was going to be an interesting dinner.   
  
" _Avi_..." He covered his face with his hand, resting an elbow on the table.   
  
"I'm just asking a question!"   
  
His mother was obviously trying not to giggle, but settled into a wry smile.   
  
"Your mother already told me about your friend, so is he handsome?"  
  
"I think so, yeah." It was in his best interest to just answer. Avi seemed delighted that Dan was hanging out with someone.   
  
"The truth comes out!" He yelled, stabbing his fork into the air. His mother finally tittered, making Dan roll his eyes. He stared at her helplessly.   
  
"Did you see his arm?" She said, crushing any hope Dan had of assistance from Debbie. They were in on this together!  
  
"What's on your arm, Dan?" Avi drew out the word teasingly, nudging him with his elbow. Dan begrudgingly held out the arm that he had been attempting to keep under the table.   
Avi caught sight of the faded number with immeadiate precision.   
  
"You got his number! Almost as much of a womanizer as your old man, eh, Dan?" Another nudge, and Dan finally smiled. It was nice to have parents who cared. They never had the chance to tease him about crushes, so they could have their fun.   
Dan turned back to his chicken, the momentary lull in conversation becoming a chance for him to shove food in his mouth. He almost choked when Avi slapped him on the back.   
  
"We'll get to meet him, right Dan?"   
"Avi..." Dan struggled through the mouthful of food.   
"I want to see my future son-in-law!"  
"Avi!"  
Dan was laughing out of shock, finally having forced down the doomed bite of chicken.   
"You better introduce him to us. Don't just run away before we can meet him." His mother pointed her fork at him, a mock-serious look on her face.   
That reminded him.   
"Of course you'll meet him. Speaking of... can you pick the both of us up from school tomorrow?"  
"That won't be a problem. He's staying over all weekend, right?"  
"Can he?"   
"Of course, Danny. We'd be happy to have him."  
"Any boyfriend of Dan's is a boyfriend of ours!" Avi proclaimed, his mother pausing to look over at him.   
"A friend of ours, sweetheart."   
Avi laughed, his lapse in language being accepted warmly.   
"Well, he said he was handsome," Avi began.   
"And he's not my boyfriend! You guys can have him." Dan sank into the back of the chair, a warm, familial feeling filling him. He didn't need many friends at school. Avi and Deb were his best friends already.   
  
"Please, Daniel. You looked absolutely starstruck when you got into the car. We won't take the love of your life from you." Deb and Avi snickered to each other, while Dan sunk down in his chair, defeated.   
"I'll clean up!" He announced, standing quickly. Everyone seemed to be done, all he had to do was make it to the kitchen.   
"I can do it, Danny. Though I did want to watch TV... but I'll bet you want to talk to Arin more!"  
He spun around to her, pointing to the living room.   
"Go watch TV, Debbie!" His voice cracked and his mother snickered. Avi was full-blown cackling now in the other room.   
He was never going to live this down...   
His mother swatted him lightly with her hand, beaming.   
"Okay, I'll go sit down. Make sure to hand wash the pans. They aren't dishwasher-safe."   
"Yeah, hand wash the pans, wipe the table, load the dishwasher, I got it."   
"Come on, Avi. It's Thursday. Chopped is on!"  
"In a second." Dan heard Avi start towards the kitchen. Oh, no...   
  
But he didn't seem to be there to tease Dan. He simply placed a hand on his shoulder, and smiled warmly.   
"You're really making your mother happy with this." The older man said meaningfully, eyes flicking over the bar to regard Debbie. She didn't seem to hear them, but Dan was a bit shocked.   
  
"She always wanted you to be happy with someone, always wanted you to have a friend. Be nice to this Arin boy, yeah?" His accent was thick as he mumbled, but years of practice had fine-tuned Dan to understand it. He nodded, smiling. Anything to make his mother happy.   
He also really wanted this Arin thing to last. Even though it had only been a day.   
"Are you two talking about me?"  
His mother was eyeing them faux-suspiciouly. Avi's hand dropped from his shoulder, smiling widely.   
"What? No! was just telling Dan that he'd be all alone over this weekend. No distractions!"   
The two laughed a bit, and Dan felt his ears heat up.   
"You two are ridiculous." He rolled his eyes as though it were an art form. It basically was, at this point. He certainly did it enough.   
He ran to his room quickly, grabbing his earbuds and phone. Quickly selecting a playlist, he stuffed his phone in his pocket and head-bobbed to Play Deep by the Outfield. He had always been a sucker for Your Love, and it seemed a logical step to listen to every album the band had ever put out.   
He was halfway through the first one.   
Did Arin like the Outfield? Did Arin even know who they were?   
What about Rush, or Kings X?   
Didn't matter. If he didn't, he'd learn soon enough if he was going to keep hanging around Dan. He had so much to show him!  
  
He still wasn't sure what their goodbye meant. It was over text, so he didn't expect to get any kind of tone from him, but it seemed tense.   
Or, more likely so, Dan was just overreacting.   
"Oh, Jesus!" Dan pulled his hand out from under the steaming water. The paring knife sank almost mockingly back into the soapy depths of the sink. Blood began to pool in his palm. Fuck, that was going to leave a mark.  
"You alright, sweetheart?"  
"Yeah... just distracted." Dan wrapped his hand in a paper towel. It blotted away at a shallow but painful cut. The sponge must have slipped out of his hand.   
"Are you sure?" She was starting to get up.   
"Yeah, I'm okay! Just hurt, is all. It's not too bad." It throbbed a bit under the paper towel, but it wasn't going to need stitches. And it was his right hand, so it shouldn't be too irritated during school. But still, fuck it was painful!  
His mother was by his side in a heartbeat, tutting as she examined the lengthy wound. It was about two inches long, standing out against the paler skin of his wrist.   
"A Band-aid won't work... I'll get a wrap or something."   
"No, it's really fine." Dan flexed his hand, wincing when blood pooled inside the cut.   
Deb, in typical mom fashion, materialized with a wraparound bandage, and began to do such horizontally around his hand.   
"I'm sorry." He was quiet, having ruined the playful mood a bit with his blunder.   
"Don't be sorry, Danny. You couldn't help it. Or, if you could have, you can't now. Go on, I'll do the dishes." She waved him off with a grin, swinging her hips to collide with his to move him from the sink.   
"Watch out for the knife," Dan smiled.   
"It'll getcha."   
 "Only if I'm distracted by dreams about the hunky love of my life." She winked.

"I heard that!" Avi called from the living room. The T.V. had been noticeably turned down during their conversation.   
"Who says I wasn't talking about you?" She smile over the bar at him. Dan took this chance to collect himself and head down the hallway. Right now, he needed no pants and a dark room so he could fall asleep.   
He completely bypassed his XBox, too excited by the reminder that he was going to see Arin tomorrow to stay up late.   
In just one day, his life had cracked it's back and straightened itself out. In the morning, he would most likely be trying to picture another face in the mirror instead of scrutinizing his own. Flopping onto his bed was relaxing, except for the sharp sting of his hand. He settled in on his side, pulling his blankets over himself.   
Being this skinny was chilly business.   
He should turn off his fan, he knew that... but his bed was so comfortable, and the blankets were already becoming warmer. He could deal with it. He had one thought, one clawing of his sleepy mental tendrils holding onto a thought:  
He couldn't wait to see Arin again.


	4. Care(ful) Free

His day began as it always did, with his mother swinging in, opening his curtains and sprinting out.   
"Good morning!" She sang from the doorway. God, it seemed like she had endless energy sometimes. But as she left, he always caught her yawning.   
Maybe she stayed so energetic so Dan found a reason to be awake.   
"I don't wanna get up," His eyes remained closed. "I'm sick..."  
They went through this routine every morning. It got to the point where his mother could mouth exactly what he would say. But today, routine was interrupted.  
"Yeah, looove sick." She sang, poking him. His eyes shot open. That's right, he was going to see Arin today.   
He tried to seem disinterested, sitting up slowly to meet his mother's delighted eyes.   
"I shouldn't have told you about that."   
"Ah, but you did, Daniel!" She stabbed a finger into the air. "And that can't be taken back! A mother's memory spans generations!"  
"I bet you left your mug of coffee on the Kuereg, but okay." He wiped at his face with one hand and clutched his blanket close with the other. "Get out so I can change."  
"I changed your diaper, don't order me around." She poked him and he shifted away from her.   
"Yeah, but I got like... chest hair now."  
"And you probably weigh less than you did then." She poked fun at the thin stature that no one could pinpoint in their family.   
"Yes, Debbie, I'm aware I was a fat baby."   
"You weren't fat, you were healthy."  
"Get out, Deb." Dan giggled and waved her off. She stuck her tongue out at him and sauntered out like a child.   
As soon as the door shut, Dan rocketed out of bed. He had to get ready for school and fix his hair, and shower.  
Did he need to shower?  
Turning his head towards the bathroom, he got a passing whiff of his hair and winced.   
Shower first. Definitely.   
\-----  
He peeled the bandage gingerly from his hand, the momentary pain forcing it closed. He needed to clean it, and being a little bitch wasn't going to help here.   
He still whimpered a bit as it stuck to the wound.   
It didn't look infected, so he decided it would be fine to jump into the shower. Though the soap stung a bit as he dragged his hand through his hair, he could deal. Swinging his eyes around the plain white tile of his shower, he had time to think.   
And, of course, he thought of one thing.   
How would Arin act today? Would it be weird, or would they be just as they were?   
It didn't matter. Dan had no way of finding out until he got to school.   
Which, incidentally, meant he had to finish his shower.   
But it was so warm... and it was so cold outside...  
His tired mind almost, almost convinced him that he could just stay in the shower. It was only a couple more minutes... what could it harm? Luckily, Past-Dan had been looking out for Future-Dan, and an alarm began to ring out from his room.   
6:30. He had about a half an hour left.   
Frantically rinsing the rest of the conditioner from his hair, he almost slipped on his way out. He tried (and failed) to dry his hair, settling for pulling it back into a low ponytail. Just to keep it from bothering him. Rifling through his closet was a different story. At first, a black Adidas shirt seemed to cut it. Then, as he turned, a bright blue shirt caught his eye. 

He pulled it out like Cinderella would pull out her ball gown, carefully and confusedly. It was faded blue, with the iconic AC-DC logo. He had worn it a million times, two years ago. Now it was mostly something he tossed on before bed, the broken-in fabric being comfortable enough to sleep in. Something in him urged him to throw it on, facing the mirror. The color brightened him up an almost sickening amount, and he felt... Something. He didn't know if it was good or bad... just Something. The shirt was comfortable and clean, and he always liked faded shirts. Why had he stopped wearing it, again? He couldn't pinpoint a reason.   
He felt airy, a little bit carefree, until he froze.   
Wearing something this bright... people would notice, wouldn't they? Chattering in the halls, people laughing as he walked by, the thought terrified him. He wore the same thing every day.

A change wouldn't be smart. People would see.   
Arin would see. He wanted that.   
Other people would see. He didn't want that.  
He looked good in the shirt. He didn't want to change. He was comfortable.   
Still, he kept going one step forward and two steps back. He had halfway pulled the shirt off when another item in his closet caught him. Pulling the shirt back down, he reached out and brushed against the smooth sleeve of his leather jacket.   
A compromise.   
It was cold outside anyway. He'd need a jacket to wear. He could zip it up if he decided that the shirt was a bust, and take it off if he could muster enough courage and fuck-you attitude to do so. He shrugged it on, the black leather contrasting starkly with the gentle blue of the tee. Rolling his shoulders, he strolled into the bathroom to brush his teeth, put on deodorant, and check on his not-drying-soon-enough hair.   
He saw how good it looked while it was dark, and thought -again- about dying it. He didn't have enough time to argue with himself.   
\----  
Zipping up his worryingly heavy backpack, he slung it on with difficulty and winced as the strap slid across his hand. The cut felt as though he had been rope burned, and when he checked it, yep, it was bleeding again.  
"Son of a bitch," he muttered. Strolling into the kitchen in what he hoped was a casual manner, he washed it off and pressed a paper towel to it.   
"Hey, Deb?" He called to the quiet house.  
"Yeah?" She responded from the bathroom in her room. Good, she wouldn't be put to too much trouble.  
"Can you grab more gauze?"   
"Of course, babe!" She was out in an instant, already holding his hand prostrate to show the cut.   
"You should really be more careful," she muttered. Dan refrained from replying in a smart-ass manner.   
"I know."   
"You say that, but I don't think you do." She smiled up at him. He towered over her by five inches, and she gave a long-suffering sigh.   
"You're getting so big."   
"Am I?" He chuckled. She looked nostalgic, like she still saw him as the three year old getting stitches across his eyebrow. She finished wrapping the gauze and tucked it into the pocket of his leather jacket.   
She grabbed the sides and yanked him in, hugging him tightly. He almost stumbled over, but she steadied him, as she usually did. She patted his back and stepped away a bit, pinching his cheek.   
"My little boy. All grown up."  
"Not all grown up. I still have two more years to annoy you." Dan clenched his fist around the bandage, rubbing his thumb against the meshed gauze.   
"I know. Grab your bookbag, I gotta get you to school. So you can see your boyfriend." She swooned theatrically, nabbing the keys from the kitchen table.   
Dan was ready to respond, but remembered what Avi had said the night before. This made her happy, the fact that she could tease him over crushes and meaningless things. Still he muttered to himself a little.  
"He's not my boyfriend."   
The words made him flush nonetheless.   
\---------  
Arin was sitting on the bench outside of the school, in basketball shorts and a short-sleeved shirt.   
Wasn't he cold?   
He was reading a book, from what Dan could see as his mother pulled up, and glancing up every few seconds. Dan grabbed his mother's arm.   
"Mom, that's him." He pointed at Arin in the most concealed manner he could. Deb craned to see, smiling when she did.   
"He IS cute!"   
"Yeah," Dan smiled. Arin glanced up again, watching someone pass.   
"Go talk to him!" She nudged him.   
"He's busy, clearly."  
"Well, you still need to go to class."  
"Okay, okay."   
Dan popped the door open, a cold breeze being the dim reminder of what awaited him. It brushed up against his nose, immeadiately making every inhale sting and the tip grow red.   
"Bye, sweetie!" Deb called as Dan swung his backpack on.   
"Bye!" Dan waved. He just had to get inside, where it would be moderately less unbearable.   
To do so, he had to pass in front of Arin. He thought about sitting down with him, but passed it off as being too clingy.  
Dan had traveled about three steps past him when Arin called out.   
"Dan!" He stood, and threw his backpack on.  
He was beside Dan in an instant, smiling.   
"Hey baby, come here often?"  
It seemed he didn't care if people could hear him, as many turned around to pinpoint the source of the loud voice. Dan flushed. This kid was gonna kill him.   
"Sometimes. Only when you're around." Dan winked, but his voice had been much lower than Arin's. The other boy winked back in lieu of a verbal response. They continued to walk towards the school as they spoke.   
"Aren't you cold?" Dan pressed the back of his hand against Arin's bicep, simultaneously jumping from the cold contact and the electricity sparking up his arm from touching the boy.   
"Nah, I'm good."   
"You're so lying."  
Arin rubbed the back of his neck dismissively.   
"I just forgot a jacket. I was kinda in a rush this morning."  
Huh, he didn't look so in a rush on the bench. That seemed like a comment he should keep to himself.   
"I've got one in my locker."  
Arin's eyes widened. Oh God, had that been weird? Dan was just trying to help.   
"No, dude. I'm good."  
"You're freezing. I don't mind giving you one."   
"It wouldn't fit. I'm fat."   
No, he wasn't. He wasn't much bigger than Dan, he just had wider shoulders and more muscle to him. Dan had a thing for baggy sweatshirts anyway, finding that they hid anything for people to comment on.   
"Come on, you need one." Dan was trying not to sound too forward or pleading. In the end, it wasn't his choice. Arin could decide on his own whether he was cold or not. And he seemed to be weighing his options.   
"Okay, let's go to your locker. I'll try it."   
Arin seceded, a bit flushed.   
Dan chalked it up to wind burn.   
"Atta boy." Dan started down the hallway towards his locker, locating it by running his hands down every one of them in the hallway. The grooves and raised bumps offered a sort of distraction as they walked, so he didn't have to talk.   
"381. This is it." He tapped the door before methodically fiddling with the combination lock. Arin had his hands in the baggy pockets of his shorts, and he was shaking a bit.   
How long had he been outside?   
Dan reached into the back of his locker, his hand connecting to a black Aerosmith hoodie. He pulled it out and handed it to Arin, who smiled a bit.   
"You wear a shit-ton of black, don't you?" Dan noticed him subtly wrapping his cold hands in the fabric.   
"I have a gray one, if you want!" He yanked another one out. It was a bit difficult, as the hood got caught on the hook. He struggled and Arin chuckled behind him.   
"Here it is. It's... oh." He turned it around. 'AVIDAN' stood out in stark white letters, with his graduation year below.   
"It's my class sweatshirt. So... I guess the black one is all I have." Dan hid the bandaged hand behind the fabric. Not that he thought Arin cared whether he was hurt or not, but he didn't want questions right now. Class was going to start soon.    
"I can wear that one." Arin grabbed the class sweatshirt enthusiastically. "People will think I'm your boyfriend."   
He said, shrugging it on. At least he looked warm, while Dan was losing his mind behind his calm response.   
"Oh, then I guess you have to wear it!"   
Well, at least it fit him. Except for the arms.   
"Here, hold out your arm." Dan instructed Arin, offering a hand to take it. Arin did as he was told, and Dan began to roll the cuffs up.   
The boy could tell that Arin had noticed his hand, as the gauze brushed up against his arm.   
Oh, no. Did he think Dan was gross or something? He wasn't... but he knew it would be odd to say.   
Maybe he should ignore it.  
"There, all done." He patted the sleeve to signify his conclusion. Arin eyed him warily, seeming to decide something internally, and grinned. He tugged at the back of the sweatshirt.   
"Does it look good?" He was craning his neck to see the name on the back of it, succeeding in only seeing the "-DAN" part.   
"Wait, so your name is Dan Avidan?" Arin said, obviously struggling with the pronunciation.   
"It's more like 'Ah-vi-dahn'." Dan corrected, adjusting his own sleeves.

Arin tried it again, still throwing the hard 'A' in the beginning, and Dan nodded. It was easier to let him go ahead.   
"So, 'Dan' is in there twice?"   
"Yeah, it's kinda ridiculous," Dan responded self-consciously. It was something people usually noticed, and often insulted. Arin didn't seem to be preparing an attack. The conversation almost dropped, until Dan added.   
"My name is actually Leigh."   
Arin's eyes widened.   
"What?!"   
"Yeah, I just always liked Dan better."   
"Oh my god, that's so cool!"  
"What?" Dan echoed Arin. Arin nodded enthusiastically.   
The bell rang somewhere in the background, and the two began walking while they continued.   
"Yeah! My middle name's Joseph, but I don't think it's cool enough for it to be my name."   
"'Dan' isn't cool."   
"It's cooler than 'Joseph'!" Arin tossed his hands up, exclaiming loudly. Dan ducked his head as he laughed, and (once again) people turned to stare at them.   
"Dude, shut up!" Dan bumped Arin with his shoulder, trying to knock the larger boy off balance. He stood fast.   
"I don't fucking care if people are staring!" Arin turned to Dan with a dangerously manic grin and a worrying glint in his eye. It was a shine that spoke of all the frightening corners and forbidden territory of the world, as though he were shining a flashlight into them. He threw his head back, and for a glorious moment, he gave meaning to the harsh fluorescent lights of the school as they caught and caressed the angles of his face. Arin's hair fell back, and he swallowed once.   
Then he yelled loud enough to raise hell.   
"PENIS!"   
It was a roar, one that Dan could tell came from the pit of his stomach. Arin continued walking as he shouted, and people turned on dimes to stare. Their mouths had fallen open, and many of them were laughing. Some were stunned, mostly freshmen, tittering to each other behind their hands.   
Arin was walking along still, and he turned to smile at Dan.   
Failing to locate the boy who had been walking on his right, he spun 180 and locked eyes with him, about four feet away.   
Dan was shocked into inaction. He had stopped when Arin had shouted, freezing to his spot. The look on Arin's face was a mixture of confusion and elation. His cheeks were tinged pink, and that manic smile still tugged at his lips. He was breathing hard, driven by nerves being snapped in everyone around.   
"Come on, bro!" Arin held out his hand, and everything stopped.   
People were staring. Everyone was watching him, watching Arin, laughing and talking about him. Arin was still wearing his sweatshirt.   
Dan flashed back to a video he had seen once, of a man reaching into a girl's world to pull her into his own.   
Arin's world was completely different from Dan's. He knew that if he grabbed Arin's hand, he'd be pulled into that world of his, of bright colors and loud voices and being center-stage.  
He didn't even know if that girl and guy lived happily ever after.   
But he still reached out and let his hand be grasped by the other boy.   
His friend.   
Arin Hanson.


	5. Friday

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it took so long, babes. Here it is!

Arin spun him in the center of the hall, and people blurred past him, giggling. It didn't seem malevolent, they were only watching what was transpiring, and the pressure in Dan's chest lessened. He allowed himself to be pulled along, and looked up at Arin as they slowed.  
"Come on, I'm taking you to class." Dan charged forward, stopping to add:  
"You're out of control."  
The people around them clapped a bit at the performance, and Dan was coming down from his elevated heart rate. They walked along, Dan's hand still sweating in Arin's. This was cool. People were around, he wasn't freaking out. Maybe Arin was changing him!  
"People are going to be talking about that all day," Arin added, a bit off- handedly.   
Dan's chest tightened.   
All day?   
The stares around him seemed less friendly then. He yanked his hand out of Arin's grasp, shakily playing with his ponytail. It was still pulled back.   
That was different.   
People would notice.   
His hands itched to pull it out, to let his hair envelop him in that sweet, shampoo-smelling darkness, but it would be weird if he did it now.   
Rather, it would be obvious.   
  
Arin was staring at him confusedly, hand dropping back to his side, empty. Oh no, now he wanted to shove his hand back into Arin's grip. He couldn't, though, he couldn't let Arin know what he was thinking, he couldn't let any of that happen-  
"You okay, bro?"   
Arin's voice broke through the panic, sounding a bit disconcerted himself.   
"Yeah, I'm fine," he said, more to himself. He was fine, he was okay. His chest unclenched. He still had that cold sweat on the back of his neck, and his hands were shaking, but he was okay. He took in his surroundings.   
"And I'm at my class." He raised a hand to Arin, who waved back. He was walking in when he heard:  
"Lunch, right?"   
Arin wanted to eat lunch with him? After he borderline freaked out about, what... spinning in the hallway?   
Arin still wanted to hang out with him.  
"Yeah! Of course!" Over the sea of people, they caught each other's eyes in mutual understanding. Lunch.   
\---------  
Dan was forty-three minutes until he was out of this class.   
Forty three.  
Long.  
Arduous.   
Minutes.   
Oh, forty-two now.   
He stared at the board, which he had been staring at for three hours, it felt. It had clicked. He understood this, it was the last fucking chapter that confused him. And better yet, that meant it was going to be on the next test. Great.   
Distantly, he remembered his plan to unhinge The Beast that morning. He reached up into his hair, his face screwing up as he roughly pulled the hair tie out. It caught on a few strands, but they came out before too many struggles. It frizzed around his face, momentarily breaking his ever-so-productive eye contact with the graphs on the whiteboard.   
That was done.   
Forty-one minutes to go.    
He tapped out the entirety of Crazy Frog on his desk.   
Thirty-nine.   
Jesus Christ.   
He pulled on the sleeve of his sweatshirt, he stretched out his long legs, he thought about Arin... nothing was passing the time!  
He had sat down, still simmering in that cold sweat, and tried to ignore everyone. He got a few whispers when he put his head down. One guy even patted him on the back, like he was congratulating him.   
In a class where no one talked to him, that was sure different.   
But it was forgotten the moment their teacher entered the room.   
Mrs. Philips was sweet enough, always willing to forgive a forgotten homework, or give the class one more day before the test.   
She was just boring.  
She did try to make it interesting, but she would have been a much better English teacher.   
And now she sat silently at her desk, most likely scribbling out wrong answers on the quiz from two days ago.   
Dan glanced at the clock once more.   
Twenty-eight minutes.   
It seemed thinking passed the time.   
What class was Arin in? Was he still wearing the sweatshirt that bore his name?   
Probably not. The classes were warm in the wintertime, and after Dan's scene in the hall, he was most likely embarrassed to be associated. Dan set his head down, groaning inwardly. Had he ruined everything?  


He hadn't meant to be so nervous!   
Arin was just so nice, so inviting, having taken him into his company so easily. It was easy to be intimidated.   
Then again, if Dan was to only have one friend at this school, it would end up being his polar opposite.   
How was Arin not cold to everyone? Why did he compliment Dan all the time, and insult himself with surprising conviction? Dan had to tell him that he was wrong. He had to.   
He had all weekend to.  
\---------  
After two long classes, the bell finally rang for lunch.   
Dan was afraid he'd hurt himself with how fast he rocketed out of his seat, slinging his much too heavy backpack on and taking long strides out of the door. These classes were feeling pretty useless, without Arin there.   
At least it was Friday.   
Dan was back in the library quickly, trying to look cool as he waited for Arin. Should he be relaxed, or would he think that he didn't care? He didn't want to look tense.   
He tapped his foot nervously, trying out different, odd poses. Finally settling into an strange, quasi-relaxed pose, he spotted Arin rounding the corner. He hated how his heart jumped when he saw the boy, but it was exhilarating nonetheless. His chest gave a funny tug when they made eye contact, and twisted when he saw the fake smile Arin mustered.   
Fake smile? What had happened in class? Was it Dan's fault?   
"What's wrong?" Dan asked, before Arin could even say hello.   
"Huh? Nothing." Arin strengthened the smile, diverting the subject smoothly with a point of his finger.   
"You took your hair out."   
Subconsciously, Dan reached up and touched the mass of hair. The unexpected movement caused his cut hand to give a twinge, as if reminding him to hide it.  
"Yeah, it looked bad pulled back all... wet like that." He gestured.  
"Wet, huh?" Arin winked, breaking the tension up a bit. Dan giggled in response.   
"For real though, it looked good. Now that pretty face is all covered." Arin reached out and flicked a part of Dan's hair back. Dan smiled, turning red and messing with his hair.   
"Shut up." Both hands came up to muss up his 'fro and Arin's face changed rapidly.   
Dan's heart sunk as Arin gingerly took his hand off of his head and cradled it in his own.   
"What happened?"   
He seemed tense, like he was trying not to pry but still a bit worried.   
"Nothing, I'm just an idiot." He said, wincing as he remembered slicing his hand being distracted by the guy in front of him.   
But he couldn't tell him that.   
"Are you sure?" He passed his thumb over the gauze, thinking hard about something and letting him go when Dan nodded.   
"You excited for this weekend?" He continued, sitting down across from Dan. The latter was starting to notice a pattern, that Arin only shyed away from heavy subjects.   
"Excited to study?" Dan winked in response, trying his best to provide an atmosphere that could pull out the wild Arin he had become accustomed to.   
"Oh, yeah. Those tangent graphs just get me so hot." The boy fanned himself graphically, sending Dan into fits of laughter. They heard a distant 'shh!' from across the library and flinched, trying to quiet their raucous laughter.   
"You're gonna get me kicked out, bro. I'm not gonna have a place to eat!" He giggled to Arin, whose eyebrows drew together as he chuckled.   
"You eat here everyday? Alone?" Arin asked, his   
Dan's laughter died in his throat. Shit, he didn't want Arin to know how much of a fucking loser he was! That was it, he had fucked up. Arin was going to leave him there alone again.   
"Yeah." Dan looked down, his hair sliding back into his line of sight. He forgot about eating alone already, how he had just gotten accustomed to the quiet loneliness before Arin's arrival. He should remember that, as it seemed to be impending once again.   
"Hey, look up real quick?" Arin's voice had moved, and when Dan followed his direction, he had left his spot in front of him.  


The pressing loneliness returned upon this sight, until a comforting tug on his hair from behind called him from it. He started to look behind him, his knee-jerk reaction being to remove people's hands from his hair, but Arin's hand settled heavily on top of his head.   
"Bro, calm down. I'm pulling your hair back. That okay?"   
"Yeah.. yeah, it's fine." His voice cracked, and the panicky tone in it bothered him immensely. Arin chose to ignore it, much to the boys relief. Arin's fingers continually caught on snags in his hair, and he chuckled and apologized every time.   
"Do you ever brush your hair?"   
"It's difficult! I just comb it."   
"I know what I'm doing this weekend. Time for some hair therapy."   
"Hair therapy? That sounds immensely homosexual." Dan stressed, and Arin coughed uncomfortably and chuckled.   
"It'll do wonders, dahling!" Arin pantomimed, and Dan winced as another knot was caught near the nape of his neck.   
"I'm excited. Maybe I've finally found someone who can tame The Beast."   
"Is that your hair, or your dick?"  
"My hair! In all it's Jewish pride. Ow, fuck!" Dan moved away a bit when Arin tugged roughly.   
"You pulled it out of my hands, you fuck!" Arin straightened the boy and gathered the hair again.  
"Why're you doing this?" Dan sat politely, ignoring the twinges of pain in his scalp.   
"I'm keeping it out of your eyes. I see why you pulled it back wet, now." The familiar sound of the hairband snapping around his hair signified Arin's completion, and he crossed around to view his work.   
"It looks good. Awesome." Arin sat down and pulled out a sketchbook with a mechanical pencil shoved in the spiral. He looked up at Dan, who's incredulous look was most likely the reasoning behind his smirk.   
"What're you doing?" Dan tapped on the table as Arin cracked open the sketchbook, glimpses of half-filled pages taunting him. They looked good.  
"I'm drawing, obviously." Arin rolled his eyes. "Stay still."   
"You're drawing me?"   
"Yeah, and I can't get your face shape if your hair is fucking blocking it."  
How did they get from Dan's shame of eating alone to this?   
"Why?"   
Arin glanced up with a 'how-dumb-can-you-get' look plastered on.   
"Because that's how perspective works, Daniel."  
Dan shoved his shoulder, rolling his eyes. "I know that. I was asking why you're drawing me?"   
"Oh, that's because you're hot." Arin reached forward and tilted Dan's chin up. "It's like taking a selfie. Think of the angles."   
"I'm not hot." Dan assured him, grabbing at his ponytail to bring it back down.   
"No, don't fucking touch it!" Arin stared at him intensely, pointing over the sketchbook. "That was too damn hard to put into the ponytail, don't go taking it out."   
"But I look better when you can't see my face!" He laughed, messing with the ends of his hair, packed tightly together.   
"That's not true. Just stay for a little bit, okay?"   
"Can I talk?" Dan knew he was leading the boy on, distracting him from the drawing process.   
"If you must." Arin said, exasperated by Dan's insistence.   
Though he asked, Dan couldn't think of anything to say when Arin began scribbling into his sketchbook. He would draw something, stop, look up, and return to the page with his eraser brandished. The increased and scrutinizing eye contact was making Dan quite uncomfortable, but he didn't feel awkward sitting in silence with Arin.   
"Can I get you to.. um, can you lean forward and put your elbows on the table?"   
"I thought elbows weren't allowed on the table."  
"Shut up. Just... like this."   
Arin leaned onto the table, resting his chin on one palm, fingers outstretched to the temple in a seemingly comfortable position. The other laid on the table leisurely. Dan matched it clumsily, allowing Arin to adjust him bit by bit. He scribbled further, smiling as he did so.   
"I still don't understand why you're drawing me." Dan stated.   
"I told you, it's 'cuz you're hot." Arin wasn't looking up. He pushed up the sleeves of the sweatshirt when they got in the way.   
"I'm so not. Hey, you're still wearing the sweatshirt."  
"I like it. And yeah, you're hot."  


All of this was matter-of-fact, coming from Arin.   
"So where do you want to meet at the end of the day?" Dan asked, reminding himself yet again that Arin was going to be in his house, in his room, away from everyone else. Would Dan be interesting enough to fill two days?   
"You can choose." Arin stared up at him intrinsically, as though the light that caught his eyes was the most important thing in the world.   
"How about the bench?"   
Arin hummed in response.   
"Colorful commentary." Dan shifted, shaking out his arms that had been rapidly stiffening.   
Arin set down the pad. "Sorry, we just don't get much time together. I wanted to try and keep it. Y'know, for when you get sick of me." Arin chuckled darkly.   
There it was again.   
"You don't have to worry about that. I'll be around for a while."   
"Can I have that in a contract?" Arin was smiling up, pushing his hair from his face.   
"I'll sign it in blood!" Dan giggled loudly.  
"I was thinking marriage, but cult practices are legit too."   
"Definitely."   
The bell rang, and the two looked at each other with the same pained look, both hoping that the other would pass it off as not wanting to go to class.   
"I'll see you after school. By the bench."   
"The bench. Got it."   
They attempted a shitty high-five as they left, laughing it off when they both missed. They waved to one another, and Dan walked away with his heart in his throat. Two more classes. That's all he had to endure.  


Two more classes until the weekend.


	6. Unshakeable Arin Hanson

Father Time deserved a prayer from Dan, with how easily the next two classes slipped away. Silently thanking whoever was above him for the quick passage, he slung his backpack on and took long strides to the bench outside. A few people smiled at him as he passed, but he avoided eye contact as well as he could. It was easier not to engage.  
It was still freezing outside, an unforgiving reminder that summer was gone. His nose stung as he flopped onto the bench, waiting, as Arin had done that morning.  
Why had he done it?  
"Hey, baby. Ready to take me home?"  
Arin's voice appeared behind him, followed by two large hands blocking his eyes. Dan jumped, his interrupted  thoughts startling him.  
The action was incredibly cheesy, and punctuated by Arin whispering "guess who!" way too close to his ear.  
"Well, I've only got one friend... and I know that it isn't one of the many girls I take home." Dan played along, listing off an outrageous amount of girl's names.  
"Dan..." Arin drew out sarcastically, like he was eager for him to guess. Dan was sure that people were staring, but the comforting darkness preventing his contact with those stares helped.  
"I know it's you, Arin."  
"Well, that's good. If you had plans with some girl, I wouldn't want to get in the way." Arin removed his hands to cross his arms petulantly.  
"No, you're the only girl I'm taking home tonight, Hanson." Dan winked playfully.  
"Buy me dinner first, at least." Arin joked.  
"I'll order pizza." Dan bargained lightly.  
"Alright, deal."  
\--  
Dan's mother pulled up, honking and rolling down the window. She leaned over the center console and began to shout excitedly, like an eager child.  
  
"Arin! I've heard so much about you!"  
  
For the first time, Dan understood those teens on TV whose parents embarrassed them. He groaned inwardly, looking around for some kind of escape from the situation.  
"Oh, Mrs. Avidan! I've heard the same!"  
Arin lied smoothly, reaching into the car to shake her hand. How did he handle her so well?  
"Ooh, a gentleman! Call me Deb, please." She shook his hand politely, both of them plastered with award-winning smiles. Dan, however, opened the door and ignored his heart palpitations.  
"Alright Deb, let the man be. Get in, Hanson. Unless you're walking."  
"Not if you're buying pizza." Arin slid past him, chucking his backpack into the car and finding his seat. Dan folded himself into the back with him, ending up nose-to-nose with Arin when he turned. He stifled a yelp as Arin grinned, sliding back into his own seat.  
"Got you!" He mouthed.  
Oh, he had been trying to scare him. Dan was breathless, the intensity of being so close to Arin having startled him.  
He couldn't help thinking that Arin could have kissed him, then.  
"So where'd you move from, Arin?" Deb ignited conversation out of nothing, and Dan could tell that she was sizing him up.  
"From Florida!" Arin chirped, and Dan leaned against the window to let them chatter.  
"Oh, it must be cold up here! How are your classes going?"  
"They're fine. My only complaint is that we don't have any together." Arin stated, which sent Deb into a fit of laughter.  
How was he so good at this?  
While they spoke, Dan watched Arin through a sidelong look.  
The golden sun filtering through the trees lit up Arin's face, sending a sparkled through his eye and mesmerizing the boy. Away from everyone, and in natural light, Arin looked amazing. He giggled and gasped as she told him stories that Dan didn't bother to hear, and cast looks out of the window when the car went silent. He stayed mostly silent, leaning his head against the window to listen. Arin glanced at him every once in a while, seemingly downtrodden that he hadn't been contributing. Dan just hoped he understood that watching him was more interesting than anything he could say.

 As they turned into the driveway, Arin marveled at the house politely and did all he should have, thanking her for allowing him and holding the door open as they walked in. He was a pro at this, graciously directing the conversations and answering every question with a delighted zeal. He cast a helpless look towards Dan when his mother continued to ask about his home life, which was the only indicator that this was definitely a facade.

"Hey, Deb? We're gonna run up and start studying. Is that okay?" Dan smiled, hugging her and pulling Arin upstairs before she could answer.  
\------  
"Thank god." Arin flopped down on Dan's bed after tossing his backpack next to it. Dan stripped off his sweatshirt and tossed it to the side.   
"Yeah, she's pretty intense with new people." Dan leaned against the wall, glancing at Arin in his bed.   
It seemed fitting, for a reason Dan wouldn't admit.   
"So, what do you want to do?" Arin asked, and Dan withdrew from himself.   
"I've got to change my bandages, but you can do whatever." Dan crossed to his connecting bathroom, grabbing gauze from the counter that he had suspected Deb would leave for him, as he left the previous in his jacket.   
"I think I'll wait for you." Arin stated, following him into the bathroom. He sat on the lip of the tub and watched Dan worry and wince as he peeled the old bandage from his hand.   
"Whatever you -ah fuck!- want, I guess," Dan responded absentmindedly as the bandage dug in upon its exit. Tears sprung to his eyes from the stinging, and he tried to compose himself. He was not crying, not right now.   
"Does it hurt?" Arin stood to settle by him, again grasping Dan hand in his to examine it. Dan looked away from it, choosing to view the mirror instead. Arin had his head down, but Dan could still see the difference between them. Even in his blue shirt, even with the lights of the bathroom, Arin looked impossibly brighter than him. Dan smiled to himself through the wincing pain.   
Arin really didn't know that he was this amazing, did he?   
"How did you hurt yourself?" Arin asked, already wrapping another bandage around the damaged hand.   
"I was just distracted. Doing the dishes." Dan stammered out, distracting himself from Arin's eyes by watching him spin the gauze around his hand.   
"That's 'cuz you're a fucking fool." Arin giggled, tightening the bandage painfully to fasten it. Dan flinched as he chuckled, yanking his hand back.   
"Yeah, I'm a fucking fool." Dan opened the door, looking up and connecting with Arin's eyes. He was startled at the dimished proximity. It was so impossibly close, like they had been in the car.   
  
Right now, he could kiss Arin.   
He could, and no one else would see.   
  
Arin's light smile still played on his lips, as though he were just as comfortable being this distance as he would be any other. Arin was unshakeable, and he didn't care if other people were uncomfortable.   
He could be this close to anyone and be just as calm.   
That thought sent a sickening thump through Dan's stomach. He backed away awkwardly.  
Dan wasn't special.   
Arin was just friendly.  
"Do you want to play some games... or something?" Dan asked, his voice significantly higher pitched than before. He tried to force a smile.  
He wasn't special.   
Arin would have been this way to any motherfucker that had bumped into him in the hall.   
He was just being nice, just being... well, Arin.   
"Yeah." Arin coughed lightly. "Yeah, sure."   
\------  
As Dan turned away, he didn't see Arin frown in confusion.   
Why hadn't he kissed him?   
Didn't he make it clear enough that he liked the boy? That he was waiting for him make a move? The first thing he did was lay on his bed, for Christ's sake!  
Was Arin not good enough?   
He looked so sick at that close distance. There must be something wrong with Arin.   
Should he double his efforts, or just give up?   
  
No.   
  
Arin's resolve steeled as his hands balled into a fist. He followed behind Dan casually, hiding behind that flippant facade to keep himself from letting any truth be known.

He was too determined to have Dan to just give up. He wanted to know everything about Dan: why he ate alone,  what his favorite movies were, the name of his first pet. It didn't bother him that they had just met, Arin knew that love worked quickly.   
He sat back and watched Dan rig up the X-Box and toss him a controller, a pink tinge to his ears and cheeks.   
  
Maybe this wasn't such a lost cause after all.   
\--------  
"God, you're pretty. You know that?"  
Arin blurted it out about a quarter-way into a Mario Party minigame.   
Dan stammered, almost dropping his controller. He stared at Arin's profile, and Arin's eyes hadn't even left the screen. He was so casual!  
Dan heard the cry to signify Yoshi's death, almost immeadiately putting him in fourth place.   
He had to remind himself that this was just Arin. It had nothing to do with his feelings, it was just a blunt observation. Did Arin want to see him suffer?  
"What?" Dan chuckled, watching the minigame as the impossibly hard to beat computer came in first. "Shut up, man."   
"No, it's true! You just are." Arin sounded adamant, and Dan tried to pass it off.   
"You're prettier." He winked.  
"Nah, I'm trash." Arin shrugged it away, and Dan's brow furrowed once again.   
Now wasn't the time, not when he was still so flustered. He might say something he wasn't ready to admit.   
"Nah, you aren't." Dan mumbled, continuing the game. He thought he saw Arin glance over, but he didn't turn to see.   
"Hey, do you..." Arin turned to him fully, seemingly decided something, and turned away. "Nevermind."  
"No, what is it?" Dan asked, facing him on the beanbag chair.   
"I feel like you'll get the wrong idea." His hands fidgeted against the controller, and Dan's heart fluttered.   
What could he be asking? Surely it wasn't...?  
"Arin, am I really the type of person to judge you?" Dan forced a chuckle, silently tearing himself to pieces inside. What could he be asking? Why did he hesitate?   
"Do you want me to do your hair?" Arin asked.   
Dan blinked.   
"I mean... um, well. Sure?" Dan responded nervously.   
"What's wrong?" Arin insisted, clearly confused.   
"Well, the way you asked, I thought it was going to be... like, earthshattering."  
"Is this not earthshattering?" Arin asked, holding his arms out, reminiscent of the Gladiator scene. Dan giggled, glad to be back into the joking manner.   
"Well, it is. How do I know you won't like... dye it blue?" Dan touched the poof that was his hair, still not released from its ponytail bonds.   
"Don't you trust me, Daniel?" Arin grinned smugly, almost as though he expected zero opposition.   
"I met you yesterday!" Dan cackled, almost falling over at the performance. "And it's because you knocked me down!"   
"Then get to know me, huh?" Arin talked with his hands, flinging them out and bringing them in like a composer to an unseen choir.   
"How do you propose I do that?" Dan sat back, almost amused at Arin's offer.   
He answered like he'd been thinking about it since he arrived.  
"Let's play twenty questions! Yknow, while I do your hair."  
Why was he so eager to know more about Dan? It almost matched Dan's  enthusiasm about the boy. What did he want to know?  
No, this was just him. It's probably how he learned about everyone.   
"Okay," Dan agreed.   
Twenty questions.

How could he know how much it would change?

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks, guys... for always reading.  
> I know I can keep going as long as I see the reviews.  
> Seems like writing is the only thing that interests me at this point.  
> So I'm writing.  
> Always writing.


	7. Twenty Questions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Happy New Years!

"Ouch! Pass."  
"You can't pass every question!" Arin tugged through another knot in Dan's hair, and Dan hissed a bit.   
"I'm not telling you how often I jack it."   
"That's not the only question you passed." Arin tried not to focus on the rasp of the brush that signified his need to return to the same knot.   
"I'm also not telling you what hand I use." Dan's hand dropped from its gesturing position.   
"You're left-handed! I'm curious, sue me." The brush slapped against Arin's bare knee as his arms rested. Dan turned.   
"That's so weird to talk about!"  
"Why is it weird? It's human. Here," Arin shook out his hands as he compromised. "You only have to answer one."   
"One of those?!"   
Arin snorted. "Yeah, choose one."   
Dan rolled his eyes.   
"What if I don't do it at all?" He glanced up at Arin, whose deadpan look startled a giggle out of him.   
"Don't lie to me, Dan."  
"Fine." Dan chose mentally, ignoring the oh-so-interested look on Arin's face. "My right hand."   
"Oh, what a cop-out!" Arin leaned back onto the pillows, and Dan rested against his knee.   
Since Dan had been too tall to see the top of his head, Arin had forced him to his knees between his own, perched on the edge of the bed. Of course, Dan totally didn't feel a colossal tug in his stomach at this arrangement. That's a ridiculous thing to assume.   
"It's not a cop-out, you said I could choose!"   
"I was hoping you'd choose the obviously more interesting one so I could judge your character!"   
"Like you haven't done that already. You're in my bedroom and you haven't even judged my character?" Dan asked, and Arin rolled his eyes.   
"Turn. I'm gonna keep brushing. It's your turn to ask."   
"Fine." Dan spun to allow Arin access to the back of his head and thought of a question.   
"What's your favorite color?"  
"My favorite color?" Arin asked incredulously.   
"It's a valid question!"   
Arin scoffed, and Dan pleaded with his eyes.   
"Pink."   
"Nice. Your turn."   
"What about yours?"   
"My what?"  
"Favorite color!"  
"You can't piggyback off of my question!" Dan spun, and the brush caught in his hair.   
"Who says? Stay turned, dammit." Placing both hands on his head, Arin turned Dan back around.   
"It's blue."   
"Aw, cute." Arin pulled the brush from his hair. "We match. Alright, I'm done brushing. Now to braiding."   
"You're braiding?!"   
"Just be happy I'm not doing your makeup." Arin threaded his hands through Dan's hair effortlessly, not held by tangled curls. Granted, it was the frizziest thing on the planet, but it was organized.   
"Does your mom have like... leave-in conditioner?" Arin asked, twirling a strand around his finger.   
"I don't fucking know, man." Dan leaned his head back against Arin's stomach to look up at him.   
Arin was grinning down at him, and that grin tore straight through his body. Arin looked so bright, so frozen in that moment that Dan could hardly breathe. Even looking down, even with pit stains and mussed hair, Arin was breathtaking to him. His eyes were a deep chestnut, the dwindling light through the cracked curtains making them sparkle warmly. Dan even noticed a small bit of stubble lining his jaw, oddly reddish in its color. Arin was a solid force in that moment, even while looking upside down made Dan feel dizzy, a tree to cling to in a hurricane.   
"What, dude?" Arin's grin dropped, and so did the illusion of time being frozen. Dan felt a dopey smile on his face, and found it hard to pinpoint just how long he'd been staring.   
Ah fuck it, even the truth would sound like a joke.   
"Just marveling at how hot you are."   
"Shut up!" Arin said, as he always did with unexpected compliments. Then the inevitable, "I'm so not."   
Dan's hair was maneuvered so he one again faced forward, not able to see the praise burning a path along Arin's face.

"Why do you do that? Y'know, tear yourself down like that." Dan asked. Arin's hands stuttered in his hair.   
"Not important. It's your turn." Arin said, referencing the almost-forgotten twenty questions game.  
"That's my question. Why don't you think you're awesome?" Dan said again, being as bold as he dared to be.   
"How am I supposed to answer that?" Arin asked, having abandoned the braid in favor of unraveling it.   
"You just... do." Dan offered, ever-so-helpfully. "Because I don't think it's true."  
"I don't know! It's just.. a thing I thought people did. I don't know how to accept compliments, because I'm not exactly sure that they're true." Arin stated confusedly, and Dan almost turned, had it not been for Arin's hands in his hair.  
Arin's head was hung as he struggled his way through the explanation. He just couldn't let Dan see him, he'd lose his nerve.   
Dan got the hint, holding his head straight to indicate that he wasn't trying to look. Arin steadily built confidence as he spoke.   
"I just don't get my own hopes up. No one tells the fucking truth anymore."   
"I've told you the truth. I think you're amazing." Dan stammered out, his head dipping down.   
"It's my turn," Arin's voice shook, the confident facade having dropped away with a single question. "Why do you eat alone?"  
Dan's heart stopped. Did he tell him the truth? Or did he lie, and tell him he just didn't like anyone at the school?   
Didn't he just say he'd tell him the truth?  
"I've been going to that school since freshmen year." Dan forced his eyes to the floor and watched his socked foot shake.   
Arin noticed his fingers dancing along his knee, tapping out an invisible melody, and silently wondered if he had gone too far. He wasn't out of line.. was he? Did Dan think that that explanation would answer the question?  
"Yeah?" Arin prodded, nervously continuing the braid.   
"Around my second month of freshman year, I had a friend that turned out to be an asshole. Basically it ended with me getting the shit kicked out of me by seven guys, including that friend." The short version was best for the moment, for a shitty little game that hid every intention behind their questions.   
Dan laughed at the event bitterly even now, reliving the event that forced him into this lone way of schooling.  
"What a shitsucker." Arin muttered, pulling a bit hard on Dan's hair. "So you don't just eat alone, you don't talk to anyone?"  
"No one except you," Dan responded shyly, knowing that saying this could end in Arin feeling pressured to be better, and ruin everything. Instead, Arin tied his hair off, urged him to turn and stared at him with a burning intensity.   
"You know I'd never do that shit, right?" He said, quietly between the two of them. He glared, but it didn't seem to be directed in any way at him. It was like Arin was staring down every demon in Dan's past and telling it to go fuck itself. A comforting feeling washed over him, and his shoulders sagged a bit.   
"I know, Arin. I trust you." He mimicked the boy when he first gave him his number, giving a sad and genuine smile. He knew.   
In that moment, the two of them were truly laying themselves bare, caught up in the whirlwind of each other and past shitty experiences that neither were quite ready to reveal. Fronts and masks dropped away, and Dan saw a sort of longing about Arin. As though there was a loneliness in his recklessness. The force of nature that he had become over time, a damaged and scarred hurricane, needed one thing so deeply rooted to the ground that he could not toss it up, even while he left toppled  houses in his wake.   
"It's your turn."   
Arin broke the spell first, the task of sitting still while Dan searched his face proving to be anxiety-inducing.   
  
"Boys, pizza!"   
  
The sound of Deb's voice cutting through the house shook them both from the heady and too-close nature of their conversation.

"The pizza must be here," Dan giggled.   
"Oh, you think so?" Arin retorted, poking Dan's side and causing a haphazard poking-war on the way downstairs.   
"Hey! Don't, I'm ticklish!" Dan slapped his hand away, not deflecting the second coming to his other side. Halfway down the stairs, he backed against the wall to cut off any other access points. Arin's hair fell into his face as he followed, chuckling and nearly bruising Dan's sides with his prodding. Dan found himself backed against the wall, staring at Arin, breathless and cackling at the onslaught of pokes.   
And then time did that thing again, took a sort of screenshot of Arin in that moment. Dan's eyes were caught by the other boy's, alight with a playful and competitive ferocity.   
"A cat." Dan blurted, and Arin stopped, a finger dug into the former's ribs.   
"What?" He inquired, the smile still decorating his face.   
"You're like a cat."   
"I'm a pretty big cat, then." Arin removed his hand to gesture along his sides. Sure, he was stockier than Dan, but not in the negative way Arin was insinuating.  
"Big muscular cat." Dan squeezed Arin's bicep, and Arin pulled away jokingly.   
"Then this pussy wants pizza." He said, pointing to himself.  
"Whatever you say, Big Cat," Dan bopped him on the nose with an open hand, causing him to blink reflexively. He was more like a cat than he thought, it seemed. Maybe he could test it.  
"I'll race you."   
Arin nodded, and they braced against the stair as a starting point. They were seven stairs from even the first floor, and Dan grinned. He could show he could be just as reckless as Arin.   
"Go!" Arin's voice echoed through the narrow stairway. He was down two steps before Dan flew past him, skipping every step to land on the floor below. He was in the same Spiderman position that he used to land in when he was a kid, heart pounding the same way it used to. Shit, he hadn't done that in years. Thank god it ended better than it used to, due to his longer stride.   
Arin was dumbfounded, stopped midway between his step and locking eyes with the crouched Dan. The latter siezed this moment of confusion and popped up, slipping and sliding in socked feet to the kitchen counter where the open pizza boxes revealed half of the plain cheese missing, along with Avi and Deb. Arin followed suit less than two seconds after, brushing his hair back with a still-shocked yet elated look plastered on his face.   
"Dude, what the fuck?" He asked quietly, respectfully assuming that his parents wouldn't appreciate cursing.   
"I don't know, I haven't done that since I was twelve. And never from seven steps up." Dan giggled, finally allowing his throttled heart to sieze now that he was on the floor.   
"It was badass! And unfair." Arin hung back, resting against the counter.   
"How is it unfair?" Dan's voice still rose and fell with laughter, grabbing two plates and bypassing the pepperoni in favor of the cheese pizza, dropping three pieces onto his plate.   
"You've got like, gazelle legs, and I don't." Arin didn't move to grab the plate, as though he assumed it wasn't for him.   
"I thought cats were supposed to be fast." Dan snorted, holding the plate out for Arin. "Come on, get some pizza."  
"How come no one likes pepperoni?" Arin gestured to the pizza warily. He didn't take a piece until Dan answered.   
"I'm Jewish, and I'm pretty sure Papa Johns doesn't have kosher options."  
"Then why did you guys buy it?" Arin grabbed a single piece from the box.   
"Because I assumed you weren't Jewish. Probably by the BLT you ate yesterday." Dan eyed the single piece of pizza on Arin's plate and wordlessly dropped a second piece on top of it, walking away before Arin could mention it. "Wanna watch a movie?"   
"You noticed my lunch?" Arin gathered himself from the kind gesture of Dan's, who saw he was uncomfortable in the moment. It seemed... Dan watched him more than he thought.   
"I didn't know what you would like. I wanted to make sure you'd have something to eat." Dan ended the sentence softly, hoping it wasn't a weird thing to say, that he noticed him and thought it was important.

Dan focused on turning the TV on and settling into the couch so he could avoid seeing Arin's reaction. It didn't stop what he heard.   
"God, why doesn't anyone talk to you?" Arin asked, in genuine disbelief. At Dan's confused glance up, he continued. "You're just so fucking kind... Danny, people don't know what they're missing."  
Dan was silent as he mulled this over, feeling the surprising prick of tears in his eyes, and brushed them away hurriedly. "You're really thoughtful, too."   
Arin sunk back into the couch, setting the plate on the coffee table. He huffed in frustration, covering his face and tearing his hands away.   
"It's just... you sit alone and no one understands the fucking potential you have, just passing you over and... that doesn't hurt?" Arin's face was screwed up passionately, like Dan wasn't understanding the idea he was attempting to convey. Sadly, his assumption was correct.   
"I've never thought I was much to be friends with." Dan stated, and Arin's face fell, as though the same thought had crossed his mind countless times.   
"I'm so selfish." Arin stated, laughing bitterly and bringing his legs under him on the couch.   
"What do you mean?" Dan asked, heart soaring at Arin's praise of him. All he wanted was to make Arin smile, and Arin had noticed! It almost made him feel... like he had a chance.   
"I was going to suggest you talked and got to know people, but I don't think I want you doing that. All I could think was that I wanted to keep you to myself." He acted as though it was a passing comment, even watching a commercial for a vacuum cleaner as he said it.   
Dan was shocked at the forwardness, at Arin's possessiveness, but attempted to gather himself from the mess that Arin was making him, to hide behind the guise of humor that they so often took.   
"I'm still up for that blood pact." Dan offered, and Arin almost looked as though he considered it.   
"Or marriage."  
"Yeah, or marriage."   
Arin smiled sweetly up at him, and Dan's felt... something flutter beneath his breastbone. It was different from the crushing longing that he felt, or even the intensity of his heartbeat when time stopped. This was a gentle beat of a feeling, like a butterfly in a metal safe, barely brushing the surface. The softness of it scared the shit out of him, and it's inability to place the emotion.   
"What movie do you want to watch?" Dan asked, wringing his hands together as Arin smiled knowingly as soon as he looked away.   
"You can choose." Arin said, reaching to his plate to pick a pepperoni off of the topmost piece. Dan, grateful for an escape, slid off of the couch to cross the room and kneel at the entertainment center cabinets. He pulled out DVDs one after the other, but despite Arin's apparent impartiality, he rejected most of the action films and Disney movies. Regretful, Dan moved into their too-involved horror section.   
"Insidious?" Dan asked, practically shaking.   
"Nah." Arin was lying down at this point,  staring at the cieling. Dan sighed. Maybe he didn't want to watch a horror movie after all.   
"Paranormal Activity?" Dan started to speed through the title, expecting the answer of twenty times before.   
"One, two, or three?" Arin asked, and his heart sank.   
"One," he answered, hoping it would be the one Arin couldn't stand.   
"Hell yeah, put it in." Arin turned, finally interested. Dan tried not to let Arin see the grimace on his face as he set up the Blu-Ray.   
"Another question!" Arin declared, popping up as though he had just thought of it.   
"It's my turn, though." Dan said as the TV processed the disk.   
"Who cares? I'm declaring it my turn."  
"You can't do that!"   
"Yeah, I can," Arin rolled his eyes, returning to his lighthearted nature. He patted the sofa next to him. "Come on, sit."

Dan begrudgingly joined him on the couch, resting his pizza on his lap and getting comfortable for the movie. "Alright, shoot." The boy looked to Arin, who grinned with things not asked as previews faded onto the screen. "Question."  
"Yes."  
"What's your favorite band?"   
"Rush." Dan answered. He fixed Arin with a puzzled look, expecting a much more hard-hitting question.   
"Oh, like Caress of Steel, that shit?" Arin's eyes lit up with recognition, and Dan felt that flutter again.   
This kid was killing him, he knew it.   
"Yeah, that's my favorite one, actually." He grinned stupidly, somehow very glad that Arin knew them. "Why do you ask?"   
"Well, I thought it was going to be ACDC. Because of the shirt."   
Dan looked down at the shirt he was wearing involuntarily, forgetting how much he had fret just that morning over his decision. Did Arin like it? Did he think it was cheesy or something?  
"But now I think it's just because it's blue." Arin guessed, and Dan was startled at the accuracy.   
"Yeah, I don't wear a lot of color." He laughed dryly. "I think that it was supposed to make me intimidating in sophomore year, but now it's all I own."  
"Why not change it?" Arin asked, a great contrast to Dan's self-suggestions, which were to dye his hair and accept that he could never change. Arin told him before, he had the potential to be happy with himself.   
"I didn't want to change anything... rather, I didn't want people to notice that I had changed anything." Dan replied, finally bringing to light the worries he had been wrestling with.   
"You weren't wearing black today." Arin pointed out, which Dan painfully realized he would have to answer to.   
"I didn't want to intimidate you," he lied, covering the fact that he wanted Arin to notice him. He wanted to put himself out there to meet Arin halfway.   
In his mind, he knew it was just a shirt, but it was a big deal for him. Arin pointing it out made him impossibly happy and mortified at the same time.   
"I'm sorry."   
Arin said suddenly, and Dan looked up from where he had been staring at his knees.   
"What? Why?"   
"I've been grilling you, and making a scene around you when you've not wanted to be noticed. It wasn't my right to put you in the spotlight, and I know you were uncomfortable."  
Arin sounded legitimately mournful, and the entire living room felt darker as he hung his head, picking a stray thread on his shorts. This was the first inkling that Arin didn't act like this with everyone. He was vulnerable, and the obvious discomfort he saw flit across his face showed that he was struggling with it. Dan's hands shook like he'd done something wrong, like he had just been called to the office. It wasn't fear, though. It was the pull to run, fight or flight battling behind his eyes. This seemed like a tipping point, a mark of no return.   
What he did right now mattered.   
Though technically he mimicked Arin's actions before, he reached forward and caught Arin's chin, tilting it up to catch his gaze.   
"Hey," he smiled gently at Arin.   
Guy friends didn't do things like this. Dan didn't do things like this.   
It was the boldest he could be, the only time he reached for Arin instead of the other way around. This was all his intensity, all of his feelings packed into one moment as he held his head up.   
"You didn't do anything that I didn't agree to. Trust me, I wouldn't have followed if I didn't want to do what you were doing. You're my first..." Dan paused noticeably, pulling himself back from a confession. "...friend at that damn school that I've ever trusted this soon. Nothing you've done since we met was done with malice." He assured. Arin watched him raptly, and Dan could see he was hearing him. "I'm not quite as scarred or as timid as you think I am, Big Cat." Dan removed his hand from under his chin and tapped Arin's forehead with his index finger.

"I can see that," Arin said breathlessly, which went unnoticed by Dan. Dan turned his attention to the movie, of which they had missed about five minutes filled with exposition.   
  
Arin took a slow, shaky breath to calm himself down. He tried to lose his mind quietly, so Dan wouldn't notice from his seat not a foot away. His synapses were on fire, every nerve standing on end from Dan's actions. Arin had honest to God thought Dan was going to kiss him. For him to be that close, to hold his head like that and then just nonchalantly turn away as though nothing had happened?  
Arin had underestimated him.   
He had him marked as the timid and intriguing beauty, and assumed responsibility of reaching for him to pull him closer. How wrong he was.   
He didn't need to apologize and gain back Dan's trust, as he was ignited with a cutthroat and unconditional benevolence. The worst part was it only served to intrigue Arin a hell of a lot more.   
  
"Question." Dan declared.   
"Y-yeah?" Arin turned to him, and Dan chose to ignore the raging blush dusting his cheeks. It wasn't because Arin liked him... anyone would be embarrassed by that close distance.   
"Can I hold your hand during the movie if it scares the shit out of me?" He winked, and Arin smiled shakily.  
"I don't know if my little heart can take it!" He fanned himself, drawing a chuckle from the other boy. "But yeah, of course. Haven't you seen it?"  
"I always chickened out." Dan admitted, and Arin grinned maniacally.   
"You're gonna fucking love it."  
\-----------  
"JESUS!" Dan gripped the pillow to his chest, trying to cover his eyes as Arin only flinched slightly.   
"Dan, it's okay. It's so fake." Arin said around a mouthful of pizza.   
"Arin, I don't wanna watch this anymore." Dan whined, large hands splayed over his face.   
Arin giggled in response.  
"I thought you weren't as timid as you seemed!" He poked Dan, and Dan yelped instead of the tenor giggle it usually elicited. He didn't feel uncomfortable about pushing him anymore, as now he knew Dan would back out if he needed to.   
"I'm just not good at- OH MY GOD!" Dan flinched into the couch as he saw the blanket being slowly peeled off of the woman's leg. Arin, knowing what came next, reached over to Dan's hand silently and gripped it without looking at him. It seemed Dan was enraptured by the suspense, but still squeezed Arin's hand back.   
When she was pulled out of bed, Dan started heavily, drawing into himself with a squeal. Arin's hand was crushed, but seemed to offer Dan just the tiniest bit of comfort. He turned towards Arin with a "tell me when I can look!" and unwittingly pressed himself to the latter's chest. Arin's laughter rumbled against him as he watched the scene, waiting until it was clear for the boy.   
"Question."   
Dan felt the word more than heard it.   
"Yeah?" It was muffled by Arin's shirt, and neither were embarrassed by the development, secretly wondering if the other was.   
"You gonna tap out?" Arin looked down, unbeknownst to Dan, and watched him shift around lovingly.   
Something about the way he asked, in the form of their game, so condescending, Dan's competitive nature ignited.   
"No! I can do it." Dan pushed himself away from Arin's chest, much to the boy's disappointment. He turned towards the screen, locking eyes with it fiercely.   
He didn't release Arin's hand.   
One movie turned into three, and three to four before Dan's yelping threatened to wake his parents.   
"Maybe we should go back to your room," Arin suggested, looking down at where Dan was nestled against his side. The heady excitement of it was tiring Arin out, and his eyelids drooped though Dan's were plastered open. The only thing keeping him alert at this point were the occasional violent jolts of Dan's back colliding with his side.

"Yeah, maybe." Dan replied absentmindedly, glancing around nervously. When did the house get dark?  
"I'll put the dishes away, if you want to go upstairs," Arin offered. Dan didn't respond, so he grabbed the plates and started towards the kitchen. Rinsing them off, he lined them up in the dishwasher. Turning to follow Dan upstairs, he was startled by the thin frame leaned against the entryway.   
"Hey, Danny." Arin breathed, admittedly a bit jumpy from the movies.   
"Hey." Dan responded, sneakily looking over his shoulder in the dark house. "Why're you doing my dishes?" He asked quietly.   
"Figured it's payback for buying me dinner." He responded, Dan's jumpiness amusing to him.   
"Oh." Dan yawned, stretching tentatively. Arin followed, rolling his eyes.   
"Wanna go upstairs?" He walked past Dan, leading the way toward the steps. He felt a hand close around his, and Dan's soft breathing right next to his ear. At least in the dark, he could pretend that didn't make his hair stand on end and give him goosebumps. 

At least in the dark, he could hide.


	8. Where Too Much Happens

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> These chapters are for Definitely_Gay. I know you've been waiting for this one.

"Wanna go upstairs?" He walked past Dan, leading the way toward the steps. He felt a hand close around his, and Dan's soft breathing right next to his ear. At least in the dark, he could pretend that didn't make his hair stand on end and give him goosebumps.  
Dan was so close, if he just spun...  
Arin led him up the stairs, not quite having committed them to muscle memory as Dan clearly had.  
They entered his room, and Dan looked sleepily around, surveying the room. Arin almost asked what he was doing, until he held up a t-shirt toward Arin in tired valiance. Arin nodded, chuckling at his silent childishness, moving to his bag to pull out his nightclothes. He turned back towards the bathroom in time to see Dan reach behind and peel his shirt off, freezing in place.  
Technically, they were both dudes and it was normal... right?  
So it wasn't out of the ordinary for Arin's eyes to rake down Dan's near-skeletal torso, trying to burn the image into his mind as Dan pulled the baggier shirt on. His skinny jeans were shucked off, leaving him in boxers. A large amount of his legs were left bare, and Arin could track the gradient of his tan from the forgotten summer. It seemed he thought nothing of it, but Arin's heart was pounding out its own rendition of Rap God.  
"Question." Dan said sluggishly, collapsing onto the beanbag chair.  
"Yeah?" Arin responded in turn. What could he possibly want? He already had his heart doing backflips.  
"Are you ever gonna get out of your fucking clothes?" Dan snorted into laughter, the joke suddenly becoming the epitome of comedic genius.  
"I'm only gonna take my clothes off if you throw cash at me." Arin responded, picking a shirt off of the floor and throwing it at the boy, hitting him in the face despite his exhaustion.  
"I have $3.80," Dan said, his joking becoming bolder in his sleepiness. "Give us a show!"  
"You wish." Arin giggled, clutching the clothes to his chest. Dan sobered with a smile, almost sad as his hands fidgeted.  
  
"Yeah, I do."  
  
Arin stopped, unsure that he had heard Dan correctly. Dan didn't look as though he had said anything out of the ordinary. Was it a joke? Was he enjoying toying with Arin?  
Arin tried to pass it off, shaking his head. What would he have said if that hadn't been the last thing out of his mouth?  
"Question." He said.  
"Mm." Dan responded, and Arin took it as acceptance.   
"Are you gay?"  
It was supposed to be a joke. Just a "what are you, gay?" response to a comment that got his hopes up too high. Dan was silent for a moment, going very quiet before...  
"Yeah."  
Arin stood stock-still, holding his breath for the fear that his dream might shatter. Dan giggled, head lolling to the side as he toyed with a figurine that had fallen from his shelf.  
"Yeah, I'm gay."  
With that, the spell was broken on Arin and he could move. He fell forward a bit, sitting down next to Dan. When Dan saw him, something must have clicked in his head, because he sat back into the beanbag chair, his face dropping and fixing Arin with a terrified look.  
"Oh, I- I didn't mean-"

Even Arin could see the glistening light of tears filling his eyes, and it was evident that he didn't mean to admit it. He started physically shifting away from Arin on the beanbag, as though Arin would move to hit him.  
In that moment, too many things made sense. And in that moment, Arin's heart bled for Dan.  
"Dan, no, it's totally okay." He said, trying to extinguish any doubts before they had time to form. "You don't have to worry about coming out to me. That's what you're worried about, right? That asshole in ninth grade?"  
Dan nodded, and one of the tears dropped down his cheek. Arin ignored it, gingerly wrapping his fingers around Dan's bicep and lifting him to stand. They walked over to side of the bed and sat down, and Arin coaxed Dan to lie down facing the cieling, and he followed suit.  
"You don't have to look at me. Do you want to talk about it?"  
"I don't know, I never have."  
"Not even to your parents?"  
"Well, they know I'm... y'know. But I didn't tell them about getting beat up."  
Dan still seemed nervous about telling him, almost afraid that he was going to be judged.  
"Question." Arin looked over at him. He could feel his heartbeat through the bed, in his ears, everywhere around him. He was certain Dan could hear it too.  
"It's my turn." Dan pressed his cheek to the bed to face Arin, confused.  
"I think you'll be interested in this one." Arin said shakily, trying to set it up in a way that he could still back out if Dan recoiled.  
"Alright."  
"Would it make you less nervous to know that I'm gay, too?"  
A long, stretching silence filled the room. Arin almost did it, almost called out that he was just kidding, that Dan didn't have to worry about anything...  
Until Dan reached for his hand, lifting it to lie between their faces, giggling and blinking away tears.  
"It does, actually." A tear slipped through his closed eye, falling to the bedspread, but he was smiling. The absurdity and odds of both of them... Arin started laughing too, if only out of relief. Tears slipped unashamedly from their eyes to disappear into the night, unmentioned and unpersecuted.  
\---  
When they had gathered themselves, Dan was sitting up, and Arin's head was resting in his lap. Dan reached forward, opening the blinds to the bedside window, letting the night into his room.  
Arin adjusted to face it while not leaving Dan's lap, blinking at the silver moonlight spilling in. It fell across Dan's face, illuminating the sparkle he had in his eyes.  
"You alright?" Arin patted his knee.  
"Do you like Peter Pan?" Dan stared out of the window, and the dark neighborhood seemed inviting.  
"What?" Arin chuckled in his response. It was so out there. Unless Dan was thinking of running away, and this was how he was telling him.  
"He was my first crush." Dan giggled to the night, as though that's who he was talking to, not Arin. Arin's fears of Dan leaving evaporated, but he still recognized that even though Dan liked guys... it didn't mean he liked Arin.  
"Dude, Danny Phantom." Arin hadn't thought about that in years.  
Dan nodded sagely. "Nice."  
"Peter Pan ran off of like... imagination, right?" Arin asked, finally catching Dan's eye. Dan's eyes held a fragile and warm glow, and Arin basked in the comfort of the moment.  
"Yeah, everything was part of the Lost Boys minds."  
"He must have given himself, like... a colossal dick." Arin stated. Dan fixed him with a surprised look before bursting into those melodic giggles he tried so often to hear, ever since he first did. "We're talking like... a foot."  
"Why do you think I liked him?" Dan asked, swooning. He reached over Arin's head to press the latch on the window, popping it up and forcing it open.

The cold air washed in, bathing the two in a sterilizing chill, opening the room up and causing the tears of earlier to not feel as heavy. Arin breathed in the smell of pine and asphalt, the authentic brand of suburban America.  
"It's still kinda freaky. The dark neighborhood after all those movies."  
Dan observed, sighing.  
"Yeah, like something could just... appear?!" Arin grabbed Dan's shoulder and Dan jerked back.  
"Not cool, bro." His eyes were wild and frightened, but jovial nonetheless.  
  
"Oh, you love me, admit it."  
  
Arin held his breath, and Dan bit his tongue. Neither offered a response, another tipping point passed where one could confess and neither chose to. It had to break at some point, right?But Dan was struggling with the idea of Arin, beautiful, sweet, bombastic, and wonderfully gay Arin could like him back. Especially after knowing him so soon! Dan didn't even think he was good enough for someone like Arin to love.  
Arin didn't know if Dan could love someone like him. Dan, vulnerable, ditzy, sleepily blurting, and reckless Dan. But Arin knew he had fallen hard, chosen correctly, hit-rock-bottom-and brought-a-pickaxe-to-dig in love.  
Why was he so silent?  
Was it because of the incident? Was he thinking about it now, of how much he suffered because of something he couldn't control?  
(No, it's because he loves you, you fucking clod)  
"Dan? What did happen in ninth grade?" Arin whispered, assuming Dan's silence had to do with the incident.  
Dan, grateful for a change of subject (even to an equally shitty subject), sighed heavily and smiled helplessly at Arin.  
"It's pretty cut and dry. We were friends until we weren't."  
"Dan, ex-friends suck, but they don't execute a jumping. What happened?"  
"I came out to him. I trusted him when he said it was fine, but he did start making jokes. Obvious jokes, y'know?" Dan was staring out the window at the night, like he couldn't meet Arin's eye.  
"Yeah." Arin responded. It seems everyone has the friend that can't keep their fucking mouth shut.  
"So he made little jokes and references, which was fine. As long as no one got them. I didn't say anything because he was my friend. I was so afraid of being alone." Dan looked down at him, and had no idea he was playing Arin's heartstrings like a guitar. Arin nodded, a visible go-ahead for him to continue.  
"And then, one day, a group of guys came up to me after school, saying that they 'knew my secret'. Which was dumb." He giggled dryly, and Arin felt a definite sadness behind it.  
"Dan, you would have no idea he was going to do that." Arin placed a hand on his thigh, comforting.  
"I just felt so stupid! They came up and started shoving me, calling me... well, you get it. I didn't even see the kid that punched me first." Dan reached up and touched his jaw lightly, like he was remembering. "And after a while, they all turned around and saw my friend, yelling at him and waving him over. He saw me, and I'm lying on the ground thinking 'thank god he's here, clear this shit up'. But they told him to hit me, joking around until he kicked me in the stomach."  
"What a douche." Arin added, even if it was unhelpfully. Dan was breaking, he could see it. Arin lifted his head from his lap to sit up, pulling him close until they bumped shoulders. Dan was staring out of the window still, but didn't push him away.  
"I thought he was just pressured. At the time, I mean. He only hit me once. So I looked up at him, and he just looked so disgusted. Afterwards, after they left and everything, I went up to him and apologized for pissing him off. I thought he would still be my friend, at least." Dan was shaking, reverberating through Arin's arms and buzzing into his head.

He imagined the look Dan must have given the kid, how beaten down and dejected he must have been. And to apologize afterwards? He didn't know that the kid was rotten. He was too innocent then. Who the fuck would do that to him?  
"And then he pushed me over, calling me a fag," Dan winced at the word, greatly averse to its use. "And told me he never wanted to talk to me again." The last words were risen in pitch, as though Dan didn't want to say them, and they had clawed their way from his heart. Arin squeezed his arm around him, and Dan leaned his head into the crook of his neck. Arin felt a useless itch in his arms, and a rising fury with whoever this kid was. It didn't do any good for him to be upset, it happened years ago.   
"Dan, you wouldn't have known." Arin said certainly. "Sometimes people are just awful. They prey on you because they've got something in their pants to prove, and there's nothing we can do about it. Except fuck this kid up if I ever see him." Arin's hand twitched into a fist, and Dan whimpered tiredly.   
"I was never angry about it. You shouldn't be upset over me." He stated plainly, the both of them facing the window in their positions. Arin felt a dig under his skin, a splinter of regret that he hadn't taken his chance earlier, put it out there and waited for rejection.  
He was right. To Dan, he wasn't anyone to be upset in this situation. Except his friend.   
But that didn't change his actions.  
"I am upset. How small does your dick have to be for you to recruit people to beat up one of their classmates?" Arin was rising in volume, and Dan stayed calm next to him. He winced at the realization that he had missed a detail.   
"They weren't my classmates."  
"What?" Arin almost turned, trying not to make Dan move from his spot with his head on Arin's shoulder.   
"They were seniors."  
"What?" Arin repeated, spiking his anger a bit more. "Dan, who the fuck is this kid?"  
"I don't want you to fight anyone." Dan turned his head, resting his forehead on Arin's shoulder. He placed a hand on Arin's knee, and the action calmed him more than he'd like to admit.   
"I just..." Arin pulled away, leaving Dan to lift his head and meet his eye. "You didn't deserve shit like that."   
"It's fine. I'm not worth getting all upset over." Dan smiled comfortingly, and suddenly popped up to knee-crawl to the window, letting his arms hang out of it.   
"You're not gonna jump, right?" Arin asked, quietly patting his back.   
"Nah. Wouldn't kill me anyway," Dan joked morbidly, glancing down at the bushes below. Arin's brow furrowed, and he joined Dan at the windowsill, hanging out of it.   
"We haven't known each other for too long, but I'd be sad if you died." He said, awkwardly. Dan looked over at him, the moonlight enough to reflect the redness spreading over his cheeks. "I mean, I don't know. You're so genuine and sweet, and I feel like we've known each other forever."   
"I always thought about it, but... I never really expected anyone to be upset over me. If I died, I mean."   
After Arin's sorrowful look, Dan backtracked, the fluttering under his breastbone returning. Arin would mourn him. Huh. It was dark, but comforting somehow.   
"I know that my parents would, you know. I'm really lucky to have them. But I just didn't think it'd be noticed other than them."   
"Yeah, I get that."  
"I'm really lucky to have you, too." Dan murmured, the comment being caught and held fast by Arin.   
"I didn't think I'd find anyone like you. You just popped up out of nowhere, crashed your way into my life and..." 

Dan caught himself before saying 'I fell in love with you'. It didn't seem right, didn't seem realistic that if he said it, Arin would respond positively. He couldn't imagine Arin liking him back, let alone loving him. He began to slowly pack his feelings into that tattered mental box, resigning himself to 'just friends'. He could stay that way, if it kept things how they were. He wouldn't make Arin uncomfortable, he'd hold himself back and love Arin from a distance. They could just be friends.

That's all they would be, anyway. His mind pulsed with this knowledge, after every sentence.  
"Made me a lot more confident already..."  
They were just friends.  
"Listened to my issues-"  
Nothing more.  
"Made me feel worthwhile-"  
Just friends.  
"Even defended me!"  
Just friends.  
Just friends.  
Just-  
"Dan?"  
Arin stammered, staring at him in such close vicinity choking him up. Everything pulsed under his skin, like electrical wiring replacing his veins. It hurt. It hurt so much to be near him and so far away. He didn't care if Dan hated him, he didn't care if he didn't deserve to love Dan! He did, and he couldn't keep up appearances anymore, not when Dan was telling him all those things not knowing how much he meant to him.  
"Yeah, Arin?"  
"Can..." Arin leaned in a bit more, trying to be casual, trying to act like he hasn't wanted to ask for hours. He stammered, giving himself one more chance to turn back.  
"What's up?" Dan could feel Arin's warmth at this distance, even with the night breeze worming it's way between them.  
  
"Can I kiss you?"  
  
Every butterfly in Dan's chest turned to cinderblocks dropping straight into his legs as he pitched forward, placing both hands on Arin's face and pressed his lips to Arin's in a clumsy kiss.  
He almost second-guessed himself. Had he heard him right?  
Then, it occurred to him the extent to which he just didn't care.  
Arin squealed his surprise as Dan knocked him backwards in his fervor, his back bouncing into the mattress and his head hanging off of the foot of the bed as he desperately tried to keep it together, to let this moment last as long as it possibly could.  
What would he say when the kiss broke? Would it be okay?  
How would either of them explain it?  
  
Then Arin's head snapped back to the moment like a rubberband.  
  
Dan was kissing him.  
  
Jesus fucking Christ, Dan was kissing him. Him! Arin Hanson, lip-locked with the love of his goddamned life!  
He was supposed to be kissing him back, goddammit!  
Arin placed both hands on Dan's hips, causing a delighted hum from Dan as he flipped them both over. Dan's hands dropped from around his neck to the front of his shirt, tangling in the fabric and holding him fast. Arin reached up to brace against the bed, trying not to make a big deal out of the fact that he was very close to crushing Dan. However, where the bed should have been for his hand to rest on, empty air met him. It was too late to change his mind as he fell from the bed, unable to untangle from Dan in time to prevent the both of them going down. The kiss broke as their foreheads collided hard.  
"Ah, fuck!" Arin gasped out, reaching to grab his aching head.  
"Oh my god." Dan placed an open palm over his forehead, tears coming to his eyes. They both took a moment to complain inwardly, then locked eyes and burst into laughter.  
"I'd ask again, but I don't know if it's good for my health!" Arin said between gasping breaths.  
"You're the one who had to be on top!" Dan remarked, pressing his forehead to Arin's chest and soaked in the moment. Arin's laughter shook him as he lay there, weakly offering his own into the fray.  
Arin was smiling. He wasn't disgusted. Hell, he had asked!  
Why had he asked?  
"Arin," Dan asked, trying to stay lighthearted. "Why did you do that?"

Arin giggled, trailing off as he stared at Dan lovingly, for the first time where he could see.  
"Because I like you." He smiled, and his eyebrow lifted. "Don't... you like me?"  
"Isn't it obvious?" Dan pulled him in for a short, sharp kiss. "I was just giving up when you asked."  
"Then I'm glad I did."  
They sat there for a bit, just staring at each other to drink in the moment, until Arin's back protested.  
"Dan, I realize this is a sweet moment and we're so in love and all that," Arin said, skipping a beat at the L word. "But your skinny ass is a lot heavier when it's on top of me."  
"Yeah. Oh my god, yeah!" Dan pushed away and crawled off of Arin, following him as he stumbled back onto the bed.  
"I'm gonna have a bruise..." Arin whined, and Dan reached up to play with his hair, letting it silkily slip through his fingers as he lay with his back to Arin's chest.  
"Aw, I'm sorry, Big Cat." Dan stuck out his bottom lip in a pout, and Arin's heart swelled. He turned Dan's face to the side to meet him halfway, sealing their lips together in a sweeter, much less frantic way than before. Dan hummed against him, which Arin was starting to learn was a trend, apparently. As they pulled apart, Arin opened his eyes quickly to catch Dan's still closed, just to watch them fall open sleepily. Dan's long eyelashes framed them, and his face was tinged pink from the events.  
"Wow." Arin whispered rapturously.  
"What?" The other boy asked, the two almost bumping noses as they spoke.  
"Just... you."  
"Oh, come on."  
"No, I just... I expected you to say no, I thought you would be disgusted and it would be awkward, because who could love someone like me?" Arin said, habitually slipping into his self-deprecation as he told Dan what he could: the truth.  
"I could." Dan offered. "I told you, Arin. I had given up when you asked! Because I didn't think someone as beautiful and bright as you could love the friendless fuck-up that I am. I just thought I was too attached, and I thought you would think that if I confessed after I told you about ninth grade you would think I was clingy or dumb-"  
"Danny. I'd never think that about you."  
"I don't think you would, either. I just... I have doubts about everyone."  
"Then," Arin caught Dan's hand, kissing his knuckle and winking, "I'll be the one you never have to doubt. Got it?"  
Dan nodded shyly, and Arin brought Dan's hand up to nuzzle his cheek into it.  
"You have no idea how happy I am that I can do this." Arin whispered with a grin. "That I can touch you, and not think twice."  
"Just touch me?" Dan asked, flirtatiously raising an eyebrow.  
"The kissing is a bonus." He turned and pressed his lips to Dan's hand.  
"Oh, is it?"  
"Yep. One that I plan on exercising to its fullest extent." His smile was dopey, and Dan rolled his eyes. He reached over him, pushing the window closed, evident that the night was coming to its end.  
"You're clearly exhausted. We should get some sleep." Dan rolled to the edge of the bed and stood up, heading to the beanbag chair to curl up. Arin's hand clamped on his wrist, and he raised an eyebrow at him.  
"Where are you going?"  
"I told you. I'm gonna go to sleep."  
"On the beanbag chair?" Arin huffed.  
"You can have the bed. It's not an issue." Dan smiled at him, pulling at his arm.  
"Come sleep with me. There's room." He gestured to the bed as proof.  
"I'll be fine." 

"Come on! I don't bite!" Arin pulled him, trying to coax him to the best of his abilities.  
"It's a tempting offer, but it's dangerous to hop into bed on the first date." Dan winked and headed to the chair.  
"I won't do anything that you're uncomfortable with. Didn't I say you could trust me?" It was Arin's turn to pout.  
Dan mulled it over, his emotional exhaustion and Arin's forces combined winning out.  
"Okay, fine." Dan sighed.  
"Yes!" Arin released Dan and scooted to make room on the bed like an excited child. Dan gingerly climbed in beside him, pulling the comforter over the both of them and turned to face him. He didn't even have time to breathe before Arin wrapped his arms around Dan, pulling him into an embrace like an oversized teddy bear.  
"Hi, baby."  
"Arin... I need to turn the light off."  
"No, it's fine. Don't leave me." Arin placed his hands on Dan's hips to keep him from leaving.  
"You never changed." Dan noticed. Everything had kind of... gotten in the way of that.  
Arin reluctantly released Dan, only to push his basketball shorts off and kick them out from under the blanket. Dan seized the opportunity to sit up, reaching for the dangling cord for the light, cascading the room into darkness. They met again when Dan laid down, Arin wrapping him in a strong embrace. The fluttering in his ribcage echoed again, and Dan stretched his arms around Arin. They ceased when he pulled him closer, becoming something much larger and more important. The two exchanged small kisses like secret notes, each one saying something different, all saying 'I love you'.  
A stray thought floated gently by Dan, like a firefly igniting from a distance as he drifted off.  
"Arin?"  
"Yeah?"  
"What were you waiting for this morning?" He remembered Arin on the bench, freezing in a t-shirt and basketball shorts.  
"Isn't it obvious?"  
Arin responded softly, afraid that he'd break the spell if he spoke too loud.  
"I was waiting for you."


	9. Arin Meets The Parents

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Extra long chapter, whoops a doodles

Dan awoke to Arin's open eyes and intoxicating grin filling his vision.  
"Hey, sleeping beauty." He chuckled roughly, the breathy and stretching nature of waking up affecting his voice. Dan was confused for a moment. Why was Arin in his bed? Were they cuddling? Was this a dream?  
His thoughts were silenced by Arin giving him a small peck on the cheek, and all of the events of the night before flooded back to him.  
This was his life.  
He was in love with Arin and, miraculously, Arin liked him too.  
"You alright, babe?" Arin seemed concerned, as though he were worried that Dan was second-guessing himself.  
"Just wondering how I ended up so lucky as to wake up in your arms." He responded flirtatiously, being cut off by a large yawn. Neither made a move to leave the warm comfort of each other as the minutes ticked by of them complimenting each other and sharing gross morning-breath kisses.  
"You smell awful." Dan giggled at Arin sleepily, knowing neither got enough sleep the night before.  
"I'll brush my teeth. Maybe I can take a shower after breakfast?"  
"Sounds good, baby doll." Dan took a moment to brace himself against the cold that he'd walk into, then sat up in the bed to let Arin crawl past him. Arin made his way towards the bathroom after retrieving his toothbrush and toothpaste. Dan watched him through the open door as he brushed his teeth, and his heart shone when Arin turned to him, even the shitty bathroom light complimenting him immensely.  
And then he promptly began laughing.  
"What?" Dan asked, pulling the blanket around his shoulders.  
"Your hair, dude. It came out of the braid!" Arin turned to spit into the sink as Dan reached up to the unruly tendrils of his hair. He saw the hair tie mocking him from its still-tangled spot on the bed.  
"Damn hair never stays like it should," he muttered, and Arin finished rinsing and wiped his mouth. He crossed the room to Dan, straddling his lap with most of his weight on his knees to the bed. He threaded his hands in Dan's mass of hair, and the latter turned bright red at the sudden drop in distance.  
"I like it. More to grab." He caught Dan's lips in a sweet, sleepy kiss. He tasted like mint and morning, and smelled like sweat and Old Spice as Dan drank in every detail he could. He broke it with a grimace at Dan.  
"Oh, dude. Go brush your teeth."  
Dan giggled.  
"No, kiss me again!" He squealed childishly, trying to catch Arin's lips again as he leaned away.  
"No, go get your mouth tasting not like ass!" He pointed behind himself to the bathroom, alighting a new sequence of laughter from the boy under him.  
"You're not gonna kiss me?" He laced his arms around Arin's neck and tried to look sultry as Arin rolled his eyes. He leaned in once more, kissing Dan as much as he could stand to prove his point.  
"Now, go brush." Arin dismounted, and Dan padded his way to the bathroom. He looked adorable, Arin remarked to himself. He pulled on the pj pants he should have worn the night before to offer some defense from the cold as Dan brushed.  
How did he end up here, waking up in Dan's bed, happier than he'd ever been? It was baffling that everything had changed so quickly, how three days ago he was worrying his mother with talk of never finding friends. Now, he had a...  
Well... he didn't know. Did Dan want to be his boyfriend? He clearly wasn't comfortable being out at school.  
Could they be like this? Was it okay?  
"Danny?" Arin called, and Dan emerged from the bathroom, wiping his mouth.  
"What's up, Big Cat?" He could sense the tension in Arin's voice, and immeadiately it was reflected in him.  
"Do you want to be my boyfriend?"  
It sounded ridiculous. It was too much to ask, Arin knew it instantly by the way Dan's eyes widened. He had scared him off. Why couldn't he just be happy with-  
"Of course, Arin."

The vice-grip on Arin's diaphragm loosened with that, audibly sighing in relief.  
"Did you think I'd say no?"  
"I was just worried that, y'know,  at school..." He trailed off, realizing how ground in snow his thought process had been. Why wouldn't Dan like him at school, if he liked him now?  
"Did you want to... be my boyfriend?" Dan turned the question hesitantly, and Arin snorted.  
"Of course. Of course, babe!" Arin stood, trying to knock the uncertain look from Dan's features. Everything was uncertain right now, but he didn't need Dan questioning his feelings.  
"Then it's settled." He clapped. "We're boyfriends."  
"I'm just worried about messing something up, you know what I mean?"  
Arin fidgeted and worried his bottom lip, trying to explain his feelings to Dan.  
"Oh, the thought of that terrifies me. But we have to just trust each other, right?"  
"Right." Arin nodded, in awe of Dan's rock-solid behaviour in that shaky time.  
"Do you want breakfast?"  
God, Dan was just full of wisdom today.  
\--------  
Arin wasn't prepared for Dan's parents.  
They had descended the stairs and turned the corner discussing what could go on that day when Dan looked up and smiled wide.  
"Good morning, Avi!" He chirped in a cheery voice. Arin looked up to see a man that definitely looked like Dan as a teenager. Arin had heard of children who are spitting images of their parents, but Avi and Dan took it to another level. Beside him, Dan's mother stood making scrambled eggs. They seemed to be the perfect image of domesticity, and Arin very quickly felt out of place.  
"Good morning, Mr. and Mrs. Avidan," Arin tried to look cheerful, hoping that his nervousness would sound like exhaustion. Did he pronounce that right? Hell, he was surprised he even remembered their names.  
"Oh god, if Dan can call us Deb and Avi so can you, Arin." Deb waved at the air.  
"I don't get a good morning back?" Dan tossed his arms up, his forgotten greeting playfully being noticed.  
"Good morning, Dan." Avi responded, and Arin noted the only difference was the heavy accent between them.   
"No, it's too late for that!" He joked as he slid past the man, seizing two slices of turkey bacon from the plate behind him.  
"That's for breakfast!" Deb went to slap his hand away, but Dan backed to safety just in time, head ducked down. A strip of turkey bacon was pressed into his hand, and Dan tried to giggle and shove it into his mouth at the same time.  
"How'd you sleep, Arin?" Deb was all smiles, like she knew a secret nobody else did. Arin tried to stammer out a response that didn't seem suspicious. He was completely different from the suave classmate she had met yesterday.  
"Just fine, thank you for having me, and buying pizza last night." Arin tried to cover every base of etiquette that he knew, and Deb and Avi were clearly amused.   
"How polite!" Deb exclaimed, leaning against Avi, who put an arm over her shoulders.  
"Can we keep you?" Avi joked.  
Arin turned bright red and Dan bumped his shoulder, trying to offer some support from behind.  
"We can set up a trade, me for Arin. I'll go live in a box or something." Dan swept an arm out in the general direction towards the street.  
"We have some in the garage, but I don't think there's one long enough for you to sleep in." Deb pulled from Avi to transfer the eggs onto a plate.  
"Guess you're stuck with me, then."  
How was Dan doing this? Joking with his parents lightly like they hadn't spent all night making out?  
Dan was surprising him time after time today.  
"Arin? Are you hungry?" Avi grabbed plates from the counter to set them on the table, beckoning Arin to sit.  
"Oh, really I'm-" he began, about to refuse. It was too much, too kind of them, did this count as lying?  
"Thanks, Avi." Dan interrupted him, giving him a harsh side-eye as though he were saying 'Don't leave me alone'.  
Arin began to notice that Dan might not have been as comfortable as he seemed.

After everyone was seated, Arin waited for Dan to start eating before he began. It seemed Deb was waiting for Arin to have a mouthful of eggs before speaking.  
"So, Arin. You're a junior. What do you want to do after high school?"  
"Oh my god, Deb." Dan pressed his palm to his forehead teasingly. "Can he graduate first?"  
Arin was glad for Dan cutting in, as it gave him time to swallow the eggs and keep him from embarrassing himself.  
"I want to be an animator. Or an artist."  
"Oh, another starving artist! You two are a perfect pair!" Avi eyed Arin, and Arin felt as though he were pinned to his seat.  
"He's joking." Dan muttered behind his hands, smiling at Arin helpfully. These spark notes from Dan were the only thing keeping him afloat.  
"Dan wants to make music." Deb clarified for Arin. He did? Arin filed away that tidbit to be reviewed later.  
"Do you enjoy drawing, Arin?" She asked, obviously trying to segue from the starving artist topic.  
"Yeah. It's always been a passion of mine."  
"You seem like an artist, you know? I caught it as soon as you showed up. We know our own."  
"Do you draw?" Arin asked quickly, thankful for a topic he knew something about. Common ground was all he needed.  
"I painted a lot, but it's hard to make it in that world." She said, almost melancholic. "You can't spread your work as far as you'd like."  
"I have a tablet!" Arin proclaimed, obviously excited by the topic. It seemed random, until he added: "It connects to the computer, you can put your work on the Internet. Create a portfolio, and put yourself out there to be commissioned!"  
"I'd have no idea how to do something like that. I don't think my work is good enough to get noticed, anyway."  
"Don't listen to her, Arin," Dan announced. "It's amazing."  
"I could teach you one day." Arin offered. "I can bring my tablet around. In return, you can help me master painting."  
"Come on, Deb. You know you'll love it."  Dan gave her a small nudge.  
"You would teach me?"  
"If you taught me." Arin smiled, feeling at ease with a subject he could flourish in. This would give him an excuse to be around Dan all the time, as well as teaching someone something he was so passionate about.  
"Then, I'm willing to learn."  
Avi, who had been forgetting at the head of the table due to his silence, cleared his throat.  
"I think that would be nice. To see you painting again."  
"Then I can't wait to teach you." She smiled at Arin, and something warm spread through him.  
This was so nice. He didn't know what he was worried about!  
"So what do you plan to do today, Dan?" Deb asked. "I think Avi and I are going to see a movie and some other things, so we'll be out of your hair."  
"We might just walk around the neighborhood or something. I'm not sure yet." He glanced at Arin, who tried to stay out of the conversation.  
"Well, if we're finished, I can get it cleaned up." She stood, gathering her plate and silverware together to wash. Avi followed suit, and Dan grabbed Arin's to bring to the counter.  
"Arin, if you want to get a shower you can use mine." Dan winked at him, and as he climbed the staircase, he saw Deb pull Dan close and start talking excitedly. What were they...?  
Nevermind. He'd ask later.  
\-------------  
He wandered out of the shower some time later, drying his hair as he stepped out of the bathroom. Dan was nervously picking up his room, his face a ridiculous shade of red.  
"Hey, babe." Arin fluffed out his wet hair, trying to look as presentable as possible. "You alright?"  
"Yeah, I'm fine!" Dan answered in a high voice, clearly trying not to make eye contact.  
"You're a terrible liar. What did Deb say?" He asked referencing the hushed conversation in the kitchen. Was it alright to ask? Dan wouldn't answer if I wasn't. Speaking of, Dan turned about seven shades redder.

"She said to thank you for picking up last night." Dan still wasn't looking at him. That couldn't be all of it.  
"And?"  
"And not to bring home any babies." Dan's hands wrung together, as Arin's heart sped up to what had to be an unhealthy amount.  
"She _knows_?"  
"They both do." He said, trepidation lacing his voice, and Arin felt like he had made a mistake. Did he say something wrong? Were they upset? It sounded like a joke, it must be that they were happy... right?  
"Are they okay with it?" It was Arin's turn for his hands to dance around each other, nervously fidgeting.  
"Oh, they're delighted." Dan answered, then glanced up at Arin. "Aren't you upset?"  
"Why would I be upset?" He asked him, then backtracked. "Wait, you said they're okay with it?"  
"You're not mad?" Dan asked again. He seemed stunned.  
"Why?"  
"I don't know... I don't know why I thought you would be. I didn't think you wanted anyone to know... about us." Dan murmured, and Arin paused.  
Was this what he sounded like when he said that they wouldn't be the same at school? Dan thought he was rejecting him, telling him they could only date when it was convenient and secret. It didn't make sense...  
...and yet, it did.  
Of course, Dan would think that. Arin didn't even ask him what he thought they should do.  
He thought Arin would be angry.  
"Danny..." Arin began, this social naiveté from Dan breaking his heart and shoving it further through the rock-bottom affection he already had for him. "I thought you would want us to be secret. Because of that asshole at school. I didn't want to make any trouble for you by being around me."  
"I thought you were ashamed of me." Dan whispered.  
With those words, Dan stuck a pin into the inflating balloon that Arin's heart had been since the day before, and everything leaked out as he deflated.  
"Ashamed of you?"  
Dan nodded, looking quite a bit like a punished child. Arin was sure that if he lifted his head, his bottom lip would be out.  
"Dan, being with you is the only thing I've gotten right so far. I'm so, so goddamn happy that you accepted me, I want to tell everyone. Even the damn figurines on the wall! Because I pinned you down, and no one else gets to have you." Arin gently made his way towards him, setting his hands on Dan's shoulder, a deadly serious look on his face.  
Dan should have been embarrassed by his misunderstanding, but Arin's words were lighting him up from within.  
How could he be so reeled in, so dedicated to someone he'd only known for three days? How could Arin look to feel the same way?  
"Are you okay?" Arin asked, having seen Dan's face change to a delighted smile.  
"Just thinking I'm lucky to have found my soulmate." He said, as quiet as a butterfly landing on a page of a book. It was just between the two of them as Arin leaned in and tentatively caught Dan's lips, trying to kiss as softly as he had spoken. Arin was tilting his head to deepen it as a buzz against his leg brought them both out of it.  
"Who's texting you?" Arin asked petulantly, almost peeved that they couldn't finish.  
"I dunno." Dan whipped out his phone and gasped. Arin stared at him, confused, until he held up the screen for him to read.  
It was a message from his mom.  
  
Deb:  
_'Tell Arin he's sweet, but if he keeps swearing like that, the only thing he'll be kissing in my house is a bar of soap_.  
\- Mom.'  
  
Dan giggled loudly, and Arin felt like he'd been caught. Dan hooked an arm around his neck and kissed his cheek as Arin responded.  
"Sorry, Deb!"  
They both heard raucous laughter from downstairs, and the jingling of keys to signify their departure.  
"You kids have fun!" Deb called upstairs, and Avi wasn't too far off.  
"Not too much fun!"  
The door shut behind them, and the two glanced at each other in matching shades of red.  
"I didn't know they were still home," Arin explained, which Dan shook his head to. He gathered himself as best he could to be flirty.  
"Let 'em hear, I'll take the blame." He tried to wink, accidentally winking with both eyes in the process.

"Soap can't taste that bad," Arin reasoned. His mind, addled with attention deficits, began to reason with the other parts of him.  
Could it?  
He saw Dan already contemplating, and male teenage curiosity took over.  
  
All alone, with Dan, all day to find something to do. Sounded like the perfect time to experiment.  
  
Experiment meaning the two of them leaning over the bathtub with bars of saved hotel soap in their hands.  
"Is this safe?" Dan wondered aloud, and Arin shrugged.  
"You don't have to do it."  
"Well, if you're going to, I'm gonna be curious anyway." Dan reasoned with him.  
It was the perfect Saturday activity. A lazy day where boys could get up to ridiculous activities without wondering first if they were stupid. That was a question for hindsight on Sunday, when the hype was over and they could hold their heads or broken, bruised bodies. That was Sunday, but Saturdays... Saturdays were made for bad decisions.  
Arin had suggested it first.  
Dan had been thankful that he wasn't the only one wondering, but he was the only one who thought of it only in theory. He expected that they would both dare each other without saying a word, wondering if the other would actually go through with it and never doing it.  
Until Arin took a chunk out of his, diving headfirst into the decision, as was his fashion. Dan was hurried into mindlessly trying to match the amount Arin had bitten off to ensure he wasn't left behind. Arin's face screwed up, hardening into a grimace before a contained gag.  
"Oh, dude!"  
Dan understood perfectly. The cheap soap powdered instantly, somehow balancing both the texture of wax and sand at the same time. Along with that, it was trying to foam in his mouth as he chewed, if only to do something with it.  
  
Should he swallow it, or spit it out?  
  
God, he didn't think this would be the context for the first time he had to decide that with Arin.  
  
That thought took him by surprise as he tried to contain a laugh, snorting. The foam jettisoned into the back of his throat as he collapsed forward, foam and soap causing a massive coughing fit as he tried to expel the half-baked mistake desperately. Arin shifted back a little, patting him on the back silently. Dan was sure Arin was probably dealing with the same texture issue he was, and coughed and gasped weakly as Arin spit his out.  
"You okay, dude?" Arin asked, giggling. Dan laughed weakly at him, holding a thumbs-up in his direction. The curly-haired boy spat once more, looking up to Arin.  
"I feel... so violated." He sounded like he had run a marathon with a cold.  
"What happened?"  
"In the middle of all that, I just thought 'spit or swallow' and almost died."  
"You almost died because of a spit or swallow joke? Are you twelve?" Arin cackled highly, dissolving into his own couching fit.  
"Yeah, on a scale of one to ten!" Dan poked his shoulder, and Arin's coughing subsided.  
"Got that right." He cleared his throat.  
"Oh, shut up."  
"Make me!" Arin stuck his tongue out with his eyes closed, and Dan had no issue complying. He yanked Arin towards him, biting a piece of soap off and wrapping him into a sloppy open-mouthed kiss. Arin kissed him back to first, and Dan's heart sped up, trying to keep from getting distracted. He pushed the soap into Arin's mouth and shot away as quickly as he could, a wicked smile on his face.  
Arin kept the same composure as prior, only making a disgusted face before spitting it into the bathtub.  
"You'll have to try harder than that, Avidan." He remarked, wiping his mouth  with the back of his hand. He didn't seem at all bothered by it, casually standing to make his way back into the room. Arin didn't even need to turn around to know that Dan was following, saying how curious he was to see how he could top him.  
"Because I think mine was pretty-"

Arin spun on a dime, enjoying the pretty little look of surprise on Dan's face, not even giving him time to process what was happening before Arin yanked him forward and had the two of them making out heavily. Working quickly, he skated his tongue across Dan's bottom lip, nibbling a bit at it as Dan gasped, not knowing how in his corner that made him. He counted in his head exactly ten seconds, then pushed Dan away and winked as Dan tried to catch him again, almost falling over trying to follow him.  
  
"That's how you shut someone up!"  
  
Dan scoffed and sputtered, but couldn't think of anything to refute his point. His mind was still filled with the warmth and intricacy of the kiss, how Arin could pack a small eternity into those... what were they? Eight seconds? It left his mind spinning, and Dan felt incredibly lucky that he could kiss the hurricane that Arin was.  
"Alright, you win." Dan held his hands up in surrender. "But you should still stop cussing in front of my parents."  
"I didn't even know they were home!" Arin screeched, exasperated. He flopped on to the bed, and Dan followed him.  
"Nah, I get it." He turned his head to stare at Arin. "What do you want to do today, besides eating soap?"  
"Truthfully? I'd be okay just lying here all day." He gave him a goofy grin.  
"We can't do that!" Dan answered to the cieling, trying to think of an alternative.  
"There's a neighborhood park." He suggested.  
"Anywhere with you." Arin said. Then he backtracked, "Well, you and a swingset."  
"It's settled." Dan sat back up, grasping Arin's hand and pulling him from the bed with surprising strength.  
"We just need to get our jackets and stuff on." Dan had gotten dressed while Arin was in the shower, in signature skinny jeans and a Led Zeppelin tee. Arin watched as he pulled a hoodie over his head, a small strip of skin becoming visible as his arms raised. As soon as the baggy hoodie was being pulled into place, Arin was crushing Dan into a hug that pinned his arms to his side. They were silent for a moment, until Dan bumped their foreheads together, his hair cushioning from too much force.  
"You alright, buddy?"  
"You look really cute." Arin was muffled against his sweatshirt.  
"Arin, I look like ass."  
"No, you look cute." He insisted, and Dan tried to pry him off.  
"You need to get your jacket on."  
"I don't have one."  
"Then take the one from yesterday." Dan pulled him off, and Arin stuck to his side, grabbing the sweatshirt from the beanbag chair and shrugging it on. Again, 'Avidan' was plastered across his back and Dan snickered.  
"What?" Arin quarter-turned to see Dan, and he was covering his mouth with one large hand.  
"Just yesterday, you grabbed that and yelled 'it's like I'm your boyfriend!'. I didn't know you were serious."  
"Deadly serious." Arin's voice dropped an octave, and Dan's heart spun loops. "I was dropping hints since day one!"  
"' _Day one_ ' was three days ago!"  
"Does that make this any less real?" Arin asked, nose-to-nose with Dan. Dan didn't know what this made them, not when Arin was so close that Dan could smell his shampoo, not when everything was confused because Arin's eyes were changing him as a person. Arin put a flat hand over Dan's chest, looking down at that and then flicking his eyes up to Dan's face. They both could feel his heartbeat, and how rapid a pace it was moving in.  
"Does that make you any less excited?"  
Dan sputtered.  
Being this close to him felt like drowning. His chest was constricted, and his heartbeat suggested he would never find air again.  
"I thought that after I had you, my chest would stop hurting." Dan confessed to Arin, forcing the words through his closed throat. It seemed today was a roller-coaster of emotion, of holding each other and separating, laughing and aching.

"I don't think it works like that, baby." Arin mumbled, sinking his head down onto Dan's shoulder. Dan rubbed circles into his scalp. "God, I wish it did."  
It seemed Dan wasn't the only one whose chest stretched and tightened when they were close.  
"How did I find someone like you?" Dan asked rhetorically. Arin was everything he ever wanted, and in a world where Dan was usually alone, it seemed much too good to be true. Much too easy.  
"It seems so perfect, it must have been fate."  
Even not looking at him, even with his head down Arin was trying to flirt.  
"I'm just waiting for the other shoe to drop."  
Dan was worried that if he spoke too loudly, the universe might hear and ruin everything.  
"Don't worry about that. I'll stay with you," Arin still didn't look up, and Dan wrapped his arms around him the best he could.  
"Let's go, before you make me cry."  
"I'd like to see that."  
"Shut up, Arin." 


	10. Marks

Arin didn't stop clinging to him when they got outside. He wrapped both of his arms around Dan's right one and walked with him, then transitioned to holding his hand, close enough that every part of their arm was still touching. They trekked around the neighborhood a bit, Arin pointing out things that Dan saw everyday and Dan smiling along with him.  
He'd never had this much fun walking in his neighborhood.   
Arin's hand was impossibly warm in his, combatting the stinging wind whipping his hair around. Dan turned to him and smiled, only noticing that Arin was staring at his head confusedly.   
"What?" Dan asked, brow furrowed.   
"I think you have a bruise." He reached up and pushed the pad of his thumb into the spot he was staring at. Dan winced and backed off at the hollow, intense pain that followed. It was in the exact center of his forehead, but Dan didn't remember hitting it on anything...  
Then last night's events came back, the two of them knocking heads when Arin flipped them both over. Dan blushed at the thought as it resurfaced.   
"How did I get one if you didn't?" Dan asked. "We both hit our heads!" He poked Arin's forehead where the bruise should have been.   
"Maybe I'm just tougher than you." Arin said jokingly, a glint in his eye that Dan didn't entirely trust. "I didn't know you bruised easily."  
"You could sneeze next to me and I'd be feeling it for a week." Dan joked, but Arin had found another fact to file away. Good to know.   
"Mm." Arin responded, thinking about the prospects of such a trait. They walked in silence for a bit until they reached the park, which was eerily quiet for a Saturday morning. It was expansive, with towering equipment and multiple play areas.   
"My inner 6-year-old is pissing himself," Arin remarked, shocked at how... exciting it all seemed, even as a teenager.   
"It's huge, isn't it? I thought you'd like it." Dan squeezed Arin's hand, heart pumping at the look of wonder he saw when he turned around.   
"How is it ever empty?"   
He was right. There were no children around, no adults or exasperated babysitters dragged by their wards. Just the two of them.   
"That's the beauty of it being so damn cold." Dan huffed, his breath fogging in a white cloud around him. "No one wants to be outside." 

Arin tugged on his arm, trying to gauge how fucking massive this park was. There was a damn treehouse!   
They walked around the outside, and Arin disengaged to hesitantly step on one of the ladders.   
"Arin, they're designed so parents can be on them with the kids. You don't have to worry about breaking it."   
"I'm not worried," Arin lied, shakily ascending the ladder. Dan bounded up the little ramp, meeting him on the platform. At this level, it was a maze of tubes and rope netting, and Dan grabbed his hand to lead him. 

"I've lived here all my life. These tunnels are nothing." Dan bragged, crawling through. The only debris in the tunnels was an abundance of pine needles and dirt from the dozens of shoes being knocked around as kids tried to find their way out. The colored tubes seemed to stretch on forever, and the way Dan was moving didn't inspire much confidence. Nor did the way the plastic felt like it was bending under him, and how far from the ground he suddenly felt. But sure enough, two left turns and a right later ended with them stretching painfully out of the opening, being met by a small outcropping of raised platforms connected to slides and various ways to exit.   
"Maybe we'll walk on top of the tunnels," Dan suggested, and Arin voiced his agreement, their aching backs aging them about thirty years.   
"Can we... would the treehouse support me?" Arin pointed up, and Dan's eyes rolled at his question.   
"Arin, I've seen full adults in that treehouse."   
"Not chubby ones," Arin tried to reason.   
"You're not chubby, and you'd be surprised the size of the children around here." Dan sighed. "We should go up there!"  
Arin nodded, hoping his blush would pass as windburn. They both moved to the slides, taking separate ones down as they whooped like children. Arin waited at the end for Dan to struggle down the curvy slide, his legs getting crammed against him at the sharp turns. He came out looking like he'd been in a fight, huffing and stretching.   
"I think that's the only kid sized thing in this park." Arin quipped, holding out a hand for Dan to take. They scrambled to the treehouse, climbing the attached wooden ladder, opting out of the knotted rope they could have used. Dan topped it first, and realized how cramped it would be with both of them sitting at 6'2". He struggled to lift himself in, crawling on hands and knees into the corner, attempting to take up as little room as was physically possible. Arin lifted himself in easily, having more upper body strength than his boyfriend. He tumbled in after Dan, folding himself into the treehouse next to him.   
"It's cozy." Arin said, reaching for Dan's hand. Dan returned the sentiment, squeezing his hand tightly. "And you can pick out the paths in the tunnels because it's so high."   
"Arin, my knee is literally in my jugular right now." Dan said, not kidding himself the size of the treehouse.   
Two hands looped around his waist and he was pulled into Arin's lap, who met him with a coy smile and icy eyes.   
"Better?"   
Dan leaned in faux-romantically to whisper in his ear: "Your breath smells like soap."  
Arin let out a high tinge of laughter, the sound cutting through the quiet air lacing itself gently around Dan's spine. He didn't know what made it harder to breathe, the cold air or Arin's joy.   
"Speaking of past mistakes, your bruise is getting darker." Arin moved to poke it again, and Dan knocked him away.   
"Stop poking it, or it'll never heal!"   
"But I like seeing it. It shows that someone's kissing on you, and everyone's gotta stay away."   
"Sounds like a cow thing. Like a brand."  
"Farmers don't kiss their cows, I don't think. I would assume, but I don't know what kind of farmers you're hanging around-"  
"I mean the 'everyone's gotta stay away' part! It's not like people were interested anyway." Dan turned away to look at the park, a habit that he had of not making eye contact when subjects got too real. Arin was left with a sizeable view of his neck, extending slenderly from his hoodie as he talked.   
"If you hadn't noticed, I've- Jesus!"  
Arin had pushed the collar of both his sweatshirt and t-shirt aside and latched onto the smooth skin of his lower neck, evoking quite the musical squeal from Dan. Arin grinned against him as Dan looked over at him, scandalized. He didn't stop, simply increasing pressure on the spot almost to the point of pain as Dan whined.   
"What are you doing?" He gasped out, and Arin popped off to admire his work. It was a sizeable hickey. He was proud.

"You said you bruised easily." Arin stated simply, like it was the most obvious explanation in the world.  
Dan shifted a bit to try and see his shoulder, and Arin maneuvered to yank his phone from his back pocket. Without even unlocking it, he snapped a photo of the rapidly darkening mark, with Dan's face and hair in frame. He snickered loudly enough that Dan looked up in time to see him lowering the phone.   
"Arin!" Dan yelled, trying to wrestle his phone from him. The cramped quarters made it difficult to hide both his phone and Dan's blush as they reached around each other trying to stay concealed. The two of them grabbed and yanked, a cat and mouse game ensuing with Arin's phone as the mouse. He held it at what should have been out of Dan's reach, but Dan matched his reach easily and clamped both of his hands in one of his.   
It ended with Dan facing Arin on his lap, his knees pinning Arin in place and one hand enveloping both of his wrists above his head. They panted face to face over their exertion and their lungs protesting any extraneous exercise in the cold air.   
"Got... you." Dan smiled at him, eyes dark with competitive zeal. Arin could feel his neck and face heating up, taking no mind to the cold weather as his heart throbbed at Dan's always unexpected strength. Every nerve felt like a guitar string stretching too tightly, individually strained and oversensitive as they stared at one another. Arin's phone clattered out of his restrained hand, going ignored by Dan.   
  
Wasn't the phone the reason they were in this position?  
  
Dan was deciding what he wanted to do next. He could take Arin's phone, or get revenge. Logic pointed to his phone, but that wasn't any fun, was it?  
Arin was staring up at him, all of his focus towards Dan as he panted.   
At least he had a free hand.  
Still straddling Arin, still holding his arms above his head, Dan pulled the sweatshirt collar down Arin's neck and set his lips halfway up. Though Arin didn't bruise as easily, he was paler than Dan, and didn't take too much persuasion to change shades. Dan still nipped and sucked a bit harder than Arin had, soothing it as well as he could as the boy below him keened and whined.   
He pulled off with a wicked grin, Arin's breathing having increased impossibly more. He stared at Dan through half-lidded eyes, bottom lip caught between his teeth to stifle what should have been loud, breathless noises. His lips hadn't been separated from Arin's skin long before his head dipped back down, sweetly and insincerely apologizing for the absolute shitfit he was totally going to throw when he saw what Dan had done, coaxing his bottom lip from between his teeth with his own. He slid his tongue across the inside of his lower lip, feeling pride in the indentations that Arin had left... that he had caused.  
In the quiet of the park there, nestled in an old treehouse forgotten in the cold, Dan tried to leech heat from Arin by moving inconceivably closer. Arin's arms tingled with the threat of falling asleep as Dan tried to map out everything about Arin, everything about the boy he couldn't get enough of. Again, he separated himself from Arin to give him room to breathe, as he was seeming a bit lightheaded. As he pulled back, he noticed the dark red mark that had apparated so obviously on Arin's neck. He released Arin's hands, and they sunk to the floor languidly as Dan tugged his sweatshirt aside.   
"Hey, what do you know? We match."  
\-----------

"Dan, what the _FUCK_?!"

Arin screeched from the upstairs bathroom, and Dan nearly choked on his drink from the living room. They had just returned home from buying candy and soda from the nearby dollar store, and Arin had bounded upstairs as Dan flopped onto the couch.   
He had almost forgotten about the hickey. Almost.   
"It was payback," he answered tiredly as his boyfriend came crashing down the stairs.

"Yours is covered! Mine is in the middle of my fucking neck!" Arin pointed to it, as though his badge of honor wasn't noticeable enough.   
"I like it." Dan winked.  
His comment went ignored as Arin groaned and complained.   
"No wonder the woman behind the counter looked at me funny! I look like I got necked by an octopus!"  
"She looked at you funny?" Dan asked, abandoning his complaining to stare, one eyebrow cocked as he sat up on the couch. "Why didn't you tell me?"  
"It wasn't mean or anything, she just gave me a Look, y'know." Arin mimicked the 'I don't think that boy is a good influence' parental concern look.   
"Oh." Dan sank back into the cushions, and despite his anger, Arin was a bit happy that Dan stood at attention like that. It made him feel important, and protected. From what, he didn't know.   
"You'll be fine." Dan assured Arin, going back to the original subject. "It's scarf weather anyway."   
"Scarf weather?!" Arin repeated shrilly. "That's your answer to this... assault of my neck?"   
Dan looked a bit down at his words, every time he rejected it, he fell a little bit more into himself.   
"Should I not have done it?" He asked quietly. "Sorry... it'll, y'know, go away by tomorrow." Dan tried to make up for it.   
Arin wasn't actually upset, just... it was SO obvious. He knew it would be an inconvenience, that he was have to hide it, but he was discovering this visceral want for people to notice it. To see him and Dan, with him completely claimed to show 'I found the boy I love, and I fucking got him!' For some reason, he loved Dan marking him up, showing how powerful he was, like he had.   
Arin reached up and grazed the risen skin with his fingertips, wondering if he'd ever see something like that again.   
"Next time... not so obvious." Arin tried to sound scolding, but the way Dan lit up with his words affected them.   
Next time?  
"I haven't even seen mine." Dan brushed his hand over his shoulder.   
"It's... it's pretty gnarly." Arin confessed, then added, "but only because you bruise like a fucking peach."   
"My parents are gonna think you beat me." Dan groaned, covering his face. "And they just met you this morning!"   
"I don't think your dad liked me anyway." Arin blurted out, and stammered at Dan's incredulous glance. "He just seemed... averse."   
"That's just how he is." Dan stated plainly. "I wouldn't be surprised if he told you that he didn't like you. That's his version of dad humor." Dan dropped his voice into a pretty stunning impression of his father, saying, "Arin, you know... I don't like you."   
"That's so harsh!" He laughed, collapsing next to Dan on the sofa.   
"Yeah, but he's harmless."   
"I guess."   
There was a bit of a comfortable silence, in which Arin took a moment to stare at Dan. He was tearing along the perforated line on the bag of gummy worms he had bought, and Arin felt so stupidly glad to even be near him.   
"Do you know how happy I am?" He asked. Dan looked over, confused. "No, you probably don't."  
"Where did that come from?" Dan asked, shoving three gummy worms into his mouth and grinning at Arin.   
"I don't know. It's just weird that I agonized over you liking me back, and you actually did. I don't know why, but you did."  
Dan gaped. Arin had just explained every feeling he'd been having since Arin asked to kiss him. He spoke around the gummy candy, his voice thick and encumbered.  
"I feel the same!"  
"Don't talk with your mouth full, dork." Arin rolled his eyes dramatically.   
"Fuck you, mom!"   
A car door slammed somewhere in the neighborhood and Dan froze. He darted up and looked out the window tensely, eyes wide. He visibly relaxed as he came back to the couch, giggling sheepishly.   
"I thought my mom was home." He explained, and Arin snorted violently, stemming into high peals of laughter.   
"I hope... you know... I would have pissed myself." He said, through bouts of giggles.   
"You're a dick." Dan snickered, shoving Arin's arm.   
"And yet you love me!"  
This time, Dan didn't have to hold his breath or bite his tongue. He grabbed Arin's hand and pressed it to his lips.   
"Yeah, I do."


	11. Peter Pan, That's What They Call Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I proMISE WE'RE GETTING TO THEM AT SCHOOL BEAR WITH ME
> 
>  
> 
> BTW, I JUST EDITED CHAPTER EIGHT. A CRUCIAL PART WAS MISSING
> 
> It's right after Dan tells the douche from ninth grade that he's sorry.  
> I don't know how it got left out.

The rest of Saturday and Sunday passed uneventfully, and Arin and Dan wheedled their parents about letting Dan's parents to take him to school on Monday. On Sunday night, Dan was stuck with laundry, something he promised he would do if Arin could stay. Both of them were sworn to dishes after dinner, and they had to stay upstairs after 9 p.m., as Avi and Deb had work in the morning.  
Arin thanked them profusely, to which Deb said that as long as he did her chores, he was welcome. He giggled at that endearingly, and Dan was just thanking god that Arin could talk to his parents without the fear of a grand-mal seizure.  
They tried to keep the romance to themselves over the weekend, but Deb would roll her eyes and push them together, always vigilant and attentive. Avi and Arin got along after Avi's computer began acting up on Saturday, and Arin had shoved Dan out of the way and fixed it for him. Then they had gotten to talking about Florida, with Arin telling him different stories about crazy things he had seen.  
\----  
Deb had pulled Dan into the kitchen to help with dinner.  
"Danny, he seems lovely." She patted his arm.  
"Do you like him? I think he was worried about impressing you."  
"Tell him he doesn't have to be concerned. At first, I was worried about you and him, as it all seemed to happen so quickly- one day I was telling you to get a friend and the next day you show up with a boyfriend. I didn't know what to think!"  
She smiled warmly, and in that moment, Dan felt like he'd made her proud.  
"It was pretty weird for me, too." Dan reached into the cupboard and presented her with the olive oil before she had to ask.  
"You just seemed so... alive, when I picked you up on Thursday. Even though you were nervous, you looked like you had FELT. Not that tired monotony you usually have."  
Dan didn't know that she had noticed, but as always, she did. He stayed silent, knowing that she wasn't finished.  
"I just hoped, even prayed, that this boy liked you back. Whoever he was, that he was a good guy and he liked you back. But the moment I saw him with you, I knew you'd be okay."  
"You knew he liked me? Mom, I agonized over that! You could have told me!"  
"That's no fun," she waved the idea away, as though it wasn't even an option. "But I'll let you in on a little 'Mom Wisdom': I think you two are gonna go far." She winked at him.  
They looked over the bar from their hushed conversation, at Avi and Arin. Deb leaned into Dan's side, and he dropped an arm over her shoulder.  
"Look at our two guys." She sighed.  
Dan smiled at her, and she smiled back. "You know Avi's totally grilling him, right?"  
"Yes, I know."  
\---------  
Arin was praying to any deity, spirit, or animal above that Dan would come rescue him. Hell, even Deb. Anyone.  
"Have you ever been arrested?"  
Arin was choosing his answers carefully, trying not to be sarcastic or funny, as he didn't think this situation called for it.  
"No, sir."  
"How are your grades?"  
How had they gotten here from talking about Florida? He didn't peg Avi for the "grill the boyfriends" type, but here he was, answering lineup questions.  
How many people has he dated in the past? None.  
On any drugs? God, no.  
Had he and Dan done anything past kissing? That was an embarrassing one, but he understood the intention. No.  
"They're good, sir."  
"Good?"  
"Three A's and a B."  
"What is the B in?"  
"English, sir."  
He huffed, and it occurred to Arin that English hadn't been his first language. Arin most likely sounded ridiculous.  
"You see, sir, I'm not very good at subjects with more than one answer. I'm more apt at math, because it's never a question as to what the answer is."  
Avi understood that answer better, nodding his agreement. His voice softened as he looked at Dan's hushed conversation in the kitchen.  
"He's very resilient. And he seems to be very happy with you. So, you have my blessing."  
His voice hardened once more.  
"But I am watching."  
"Of course, sir."

-  
Their dinner was a friendly one, everyone seemingly on the same page without even knowing it. It passed easily and too quickly, leaving Dan and Arin with a modest amount of dishes. Arin washed, and Dan dried and put them away, because he knew where all of them went, and he couldn't reach into the water with his bandage.  
Also because Arin lost at rock, paper, scissors.  
But that was irrelevant.  
Silence settled over the house as Dan's parents went to bed, and 9 o'clock was coming upon them. The dishes were done, as well as the laundry, and the two could go upstairs.  
\----  
But as they headed towards Dan's room, Dan's hand slipped into Arin's and urged him to a room at the end of the hallway. It looked like an office, and the light being flicked on confirmed his suspicions.  
"What's up?" Arin asked as Dan went into a sliding-door closet, pulling out a small speaker and a flashlight. He ignored Arin's confusion, heading towards the window and throwing it open. A tree obstructed the view of the street, an old, gnarled oak.  
"I want to show you a thing, but you've got to trust me."  
Well, he trusted him... but he didn't trust the playful fire behind his eyes, like his mind was working forty times faster than his mouth. He was purposely being vague.  
"I don-" he began, but he didn't get a chance to finish before Dan grabbed part of the tree and slipped through the window. His feet disappeared, and Arin ran to the window to check if he had fallen. He jumped back when Dan's face dropped into view, upside down. His hair extended at its full length, nearly touching the windowsill.  
"Come on Wendy, let's go to Neverland." Dan beckoned at him, a childish glee dancing over his features.  
"Are you hanging on something?"  
"Yeah." Dan let his arms hang freely down to prove that he wasn't hanging on. The speaker was still in his hand.  
"Aren't you scared of like...falling?"  
"Arin, this is the closest that nine-year-old me could get to leaving with Peter Pan. I've done this a couple times." It was odd to see his eyes rolling upside down.  
"Well, I'm scared of you falling. Also tempted to try the Spiderman kiss, but mostly scared." Arin bit his lip nervously, and Dan grinned recklessly.  
"Dan, no."  
"Come on, you just said you wanted to!"  
"You're gonna fall."  
"The blood is gonna rush to my head and you're never going to get this chance again." Dan said.  
"...You've never fallen?"  
"I never said that." Dan winked, lightening fast, and if Arin hadn't been watching him closely, he would have missed it.  
"Why aren't you worried, then?"  
"It doesn't matter how many times you fall, as long as you always get back up," Dan quoted, and Arin got the idea that if he didn't satisfy Dan, he was never going to budge.  
"Alright Socrates, just fucking kiss me."  
He grabbed Dan's face and pulled him in a bit, and the moment before their lips touched, Dan whispered against him.  
"How romantic."  
"Shut up."  
A long, slow and clumsy kiss ensued, with Arin tentatively slipped his tongue past his lips to tangle with Dan's, feeling him grin against him as he tried to maneuver deepening the kiss.  
Dan's head was pounding and spinning as he got lost in Arin, not knowing which way was up or down, only that he was supposed to be kissing Arin, and he could devote every ounce of himself to that. Worryingly, his knees began to feel weak, and he was just hoping he didn't die in front of Arin.  
  
Arin broke the kiss, pushing Dan back as Dan beamed.  
"Alright, you got what you wanted."  
"Actually, I got what you wanted."  
"Just swing up. Your face is getting super red."  
Dan righted himself out of Arin's view, locking his legs around the trunk to keep from tipping out of the tree as his head swam. He took a moment to recover, his forehead pressed to the bark as his entire head throbbed.  
"You okay?" Arin said, popping his head out the window to the worrying scene.  
"Yeah, just.. not as glamorous went it's over." He controlled his gag reflex, groaning as it subsided.

Dan crawled into the cusp of the tree, almost a cradle directly outside of the window. He shoved his face toward Arin to achieve that whimsical feeling that Peter Pan had stirred in him so long ago.  
"Come on, Wendy." He repeated, holding out a close hand between them. "I'd offer to let you fly, but I'm afraid I've forgotten my pixie dust." Dan tapped his pockets theatrically.  
"Well, that's okay." Arin played along. "I'm sure you can find another way to entertain." He laid his hand on Dan's, oddly feeling exactly like a storybook character.  
It was strange. They were both just teenage boys stupidly hanging outside in the cold, but when Dan stood, hanging onto a branch and leaning on his legs towards the window with the moon behind him... well, Arin was sold. He was Wendy.  
And he was insanely lucky to be chosen, that out of all of the houses in the neighborhood, Peter Pan stood outside this window.  
Dan grasped his hand tightly and pulled him a bit, coaxing him out of the window and into steady footholds.  
"We can get to the roof from here," he explained. "But there's a bit of a leap of faith we have to make."  
Arin's heart bit at him, ignoring every little thought being sent through his nerves that screamed at him, it was a bad idea.  
"Okay." He agreed, and the smile that Dan rewarded him with was worth any impending doom that might come from his decisions.  
  
Dan led him up the tree, pointing out foot and hand holds that Arin could use, not even looking as he did so, years of weathered practice leading him by muscle memory.  
They could stand on the last thick branch, and there was a gap between the tree and the house that was barely too big to make in a stride.  
Dan swung up and around him, landing behind Arin with the rasp of his socks catching on the bark.  
"You're not going to fall."  
Dan whispered, right against his ear, chin on his shoulder. He had addressed Arin's number one fear without even having to be told. Honestly, it was obvious by the way that Arin was frozen.  
"A-are you sure?" Arin stammered.  
Dan pressed a kiss to his covered shoulder gently.  
"You've just gotta be brave."  
Arin scoffed, and Dan sighed.  
"Would it make you feel better if I got a board or something? To walk on?"  
"A little bit, actually." Arin confessed, and Dan nodded.  
"Okay, I'll get you one. Back up against the trunk and wait here."  
Dan switched places with him, taking the lead on the branch and sizing up the jump. Time seemed to slow when he left the branch, leaping impossibly lightly to the roof surface. He was so graceful, and Arin felt clumsy and large, frightened of a small jump.  
He felt so imperfect, until...  
  
"Wait there, Wendy. I'll be back."  
  
Dan darted across the roof, turning and waving when he reached the peak. There was the sound of him landing on what sounded like a shed, and... nothing. For an entire minute, Arin waited nervously, feet aching from the trees surface.  
Then Dan crested the roof with a thick board in his hand, panting. It must have been a hell of a trip to get it onto the roof. Arin watched him apologetically as he walked cautiously back to him, kneeling to cram the board into a haphazard bridge. He straightened back out, extending a hand for Arin. Arin stared at him instead of at the yard below as he crossed the board, and Dan wrapped him in his arms when he made it to the other side.  
"You didn't back out." Dan stated, wonder in his voice. "I'm so proud. I know you were scared. Hell, the first time I did it, I was so scared."  
"Then why did you?" Arin asked, rightfully so. It was an odd thing to want so hard that he overcame a fear.  
"Because... well," Dan extended an arm towards the horizon and Arin turned.  
"Oh, wow..."  
The whole neighborhood was dark, and stretching endlessly behind it was ignited. The dark spot of the suburbs was a patch of stars just for them, completely quiet with the overgrown tree stretching over the side. It was a small, shaded cove that they could sit under.

"It looks like Neverland." Arin breathed, and Dan nodded.  
"The homeowners association gave Avi hell for the tree branches, but I begged him to keep them." Dan sat down, and Arin followed, huddling close to him for warmth.  
"I haven't had anyone to show this to." Dan said. "It's too cool to keep to myself."  
Arin agreed, still trying to pick out constellations.  
"But now that you're up here, I have two things I don't want to share with anyone."  
His words caught Arin, and Dan was pressing even closer towards him as they sat in silence.  
"Oh, I forgot!" Dan exclaimed, reaching into his pocket and brandishing the speaker from before. He set it on the roof, pulling the little headphone jack out to plug into his phone.  
He fiddled with it a bit until he located the music he wanted, and Take On Me filtered through the speakers.  
"Oh, this song is fucking great!" Arin laid back, and Dan laid beside him.  
"When you grabbed my hand in the hallway, my mind just flashed to the music video for this song."  
"Where the dude pulls the girl into the comic book world?" He vaguely remembered seeing the video years ago.  
"Yeah. I wanted to be part of your world, yknow? You're so confident and your don't-give-a-fuck attitude drew me in. Because I'm so self-conscious and give like, all the fucks."  
Arin stared at the sky, trying to pick out Dan's name as a constellation, because there was no way someone so amazing could have come from that planet. He was able to connect them and smiled.  
"Anyway, you asked me earlier how I could like someone like you. And that's how. I think you're fantastic."  
"Thanks, Danny." He reached over, pulling his hand and lacing their fingers together while Ah Ha sang quietly in the background.  
It slipped subtly into Madrigal by Rush, and Dan hummed along despite himself. Arin didn't interrupt, hoping that he would get comfortable enough to begin singing if he stayed silent.  
Sure enough, Dan lifted his voice to the air, and Arin held his breath to listen.  
"When all around is madness... and there's no safe point in view-"  
Dan's face was completely relaxed as he sang, as though he wasn't the one behind the voice. Had there not been a voice underneath his, he would have convinced him that he had written the song, with how he lines seemed to be etched in his memory and his cadence having mastered it.  
The song finished the line, and Dan was staring pointedly at Arin.  
'I long to turn my path homeward' was the line that came out of the speakers, and Dan finished it with:  
"To stop awhile with you!"  
Arin giggled when Dan turned on his side and laid a hand directly over his face.  
"How talented!" Arin said. "Do you do weddings?"  
"Weddings, birthday parties, bar mitzvahs, not baby showers." Dan joked. "Not good with kids. I think the hair intimidates them."  
"Or maybe your height. Or anything else about you that I find sexy."  
"I can assure you that no part of me is sexy."  
"I beg to fucking differ," Arin shifted to his side to face his boyfriend. "Your hair is incredibly sexy."  
"You're sexy."  
"No, you're sexy."  
"Shut up."  
"No, you shut up."  
"Are you four years old?" Dan asked, and Arin smiled obnoxiously.  
"No, you're four years old."  
"I'm gonna break your legs."  
"Love you too." Arin smooched the air as Dan scoffed.  
Madrigal became Rock With You, which became Sweet Child Of Mine.  
They sang what they knew and faked what they didn't, holding hands as mistakes and broken voices were forgotten by the night sky. Despite being so close, their body heat soon fizzled out in the cold, and they stayed until Dan began sniffling.  
One sneeze and Arin was sitting up, pulling Dan from his sleepy peace.  
"Come on, babe."  
"What?" Dan drew out the word petulantly, face screwed up in a scowl.  
"We have school tomorrow."  
Dan leaned forward and threw his arms around Arin's waist, putting his head on his lap.  
"Can't I just keep you to myself?"  
"Afraid not," Arin pet his hair, and Dan sighed heavily, a drawn out, long-suffering noise.  
"I have to get the board." Dan picked himself up, stepping cautiously over to the plank.

"It's really beautiful." Arin remarked, staring out into the skyline.  
"What is?" Dan picked up the board and swiveled towards Arin.  
Arin grinned.  
"You."  
"I'm gonna hit you with this board."  
\----------  
Arin tried not to act as though his feet hurt from being bare on the tree. He limped a bit, working the soreness out on the carpeted floors of Dan's room.  
Dan had sunk into the beanbag, turning on the TV to some Cartoon Network show. His boyfriend dropped beside him, trying to slink in closer like a cat, moving Dan's arm to rest under it.  
Dan patted his back.  
"And you said you weren't a cat." He remarked. It was a true statement, and Arin looked like he was near purring at this point.  
"Maybe I am." Arin said, dismissively deflecting an 'I told you so' in favor of fixing his eyes to the colorful cartoon in front of him.  
  
Dan watched him as he watched the TV, an unexpected wash of panic taking over his limbs.  
Tomorrow was school.  
Tomorrow was... days without Arin, classes without him, going to bed alone and knowing they'd both rather be somewhere else.  
  
Knowing they'd rather be together.  
  
"Arin?" Dan squeaked.  
He'd become bolder over the weekend, but it was something he knew would change at school. Arin knew the Dan at home more than the one at school, and Dan had to warn him... right?  
"Yeah, babe?"  
His eyes flickered over to Dan, like shutters in a tornado. He didn't seem concerned until his eyes met Dan's.  
Dan was so nervous, he legitimately felt like he was trembling.  
"Whoa, are you alright?"  
"I'm just worried about school. I just... remembered, and I-I don't know how I'm going to do it."  
Since Dan had been so steadfast that morning, Arin had forgotten how often he could overthink, and that cautiousness that he had first met with was creeping back into the edges of Dan's behaviour.  
"Hey, hey, it's nothing you have to worry about!" Arin reached up to rest a hand on Dan's head, trying to look comforting as Dan shook subtly. How had is demeanor shifted so quickly? "You're worried about that kid." Arin noticed. Dan nodded a bit.  
  
"I couldn't protect myself last time."  
  
"Well, last time, you didn't have me." Arin said, hoping it wouldn't be perceived as arrogant or high-handed.  
He trusted that Dan understood his meaning, but butted his head into the other boy's side and mumbled it anyway.  
"Because I'm not going to let some holier-than-thou asshole decide whether you get to be happy or not. If he tries, I'll kick his ass. Even if he's bigger than me."  
The harsh words were soft when they came from Arin, putting Dan more at ease.  
"I don't want you to fight him." Dan whispered.  
"I will, if you just tell me to." Arin said, dead-serious as he watched Dan pull his bottom lip between his teeth, worrying it. "But I'll hang back if you say not to."  
"Thank you, Arin."  
"Don't thank me yet, baby."  
  
They turned back to the cartoon for a moment, and Dan let himself get invested in the story instead of worrying about school. It was so easy to just allow himself to float gently on a neon dream that burned his eyes so late at night when Arin sat near him, head bobbing the moment the room went quiet.  
It was a serene sort of comfort, like he didn't have to worry about Arin jumping up and leaving.  
Like it was something he could count on.  
He looked down to voice such an opinion, only to meet Arin's closed eyes and calm features.  
He was asleep?  
Dan's face softened into a small smile, studying Arin's face without having to offer a response to anything.  
Arin wouldn't like him staring, he knew.  
It seemed Arin tried to flit about all the time, constantly moving so no one could get a good look at him.  
Dan also knew about that, but he chose to stand still, hoping that whoever was looking would mistake him for the wallpaper behind him.  
But Arin.... god, he deserved to be seen.  His eyelashes were long, brushing his cheeks delicately as his breathing grew longer. It so contrasted the short, sharp inhales that he took to while speaking, as though someone would interrupt him if he took a breath.

It seemed the two's late-night escapades had been wearing on him, as Dan noticed a bit more pigment to the circles under his eyes.  
He looked so calm, he probably needed the sleep.  
Which is why Dan hated to wake him.  
It was late, school was tomorrow, and the last thing he needed was Arin catching a cold.  
But the top of his head was pressed into Dan's side... and he just looked so much calmer than usual.  
Dan didn't want to give up this time that he could spend studying the boy he'd somehow tricked into liking him.  
"Arin." Dan shifted him a bit, whispering insistently. No response came from the boy.  
"Arin..." Dan drew out the word, getting immensely close to his ear. The sleeping boy recieved a poke to his leg, cheek, and shoulder, courtesy of Dan. Arin stirred, his eyelids fluttered, but he didn't wake.  
"Sleeping beauty... wake up, you piece of shit!" Dan giggled, amazed.  
How was Arin such a heavy sleeper? He had always been awake before Dan, so the latter never had to wake him.  
Did it surprise him?  
Not that much.  
Another poke from Dan commenced before he stood up completely, teetering in his leg's disuse. Arin simply slumped over into the seat without Dan to lean on, and Dan's amazement grew.  
He just kept fucking sleeping!  
  
Only one way to settle it.  
  
Dan grabbed Arin's shoulder and shook him once, hard. His head snapped forward, and a small surprised inhale signified his waking.  
Arin's head rose, his eyes half-lidded. He looked so much more tired than when he had been asleep. And a lot less peaceful.  
"Did I fall 'sleep?" He asked quietly, seemingly directing it to the floor.  
Dan chuckled at his sleepy demeanor, and went over to him, bent at the waist.  He put one hand on Arin's face, tilting it up with a soft smile so he could see the loopy expression on his face.  
"I'm afraid you did, babe."  
Arin blinked, slowly, nuzzling into Dan's hand and reaching to rub the sleep from his eyes.  
Dan was going to fucking melt.  
He stroked the pad of his thumb gently over Arin's cheekbone as Arin yawned.  
"Can I go... back to asleep?"  
"Yeah, we've just got to get you into bed. Then you can get back to Sleepytime Junction." Dan patted the side of his face and straightened out, stretching his back. It seemed Arin was too tired to question the joke, and Dan smiled. He looked totally out of it.  
"Mmkay."  
Arin grabbed Dan's large hand and allowed himself to be hauled up.  
They walked about two steps away, and Arin collapsed onto the bed, almost asleep.  
"Arin, you can't sleep in your clothes." Dan said, the sleepiness of the room having an effect on him. Arin rolled his eyes slowly, connecting with Dan's languidly.  
"Bite me."  
Dan closed his eyes, scoffing and composing himself.  
"I just might," he said. He grabbed the waistband of Arin's shorts, pulling them off of his legs and casting them to the side.  
Yet again, not the way Dan imagined himself pulling Arin from his pants for the first time.  
Arin nodded acceptingly, his head falling to the side as his eyes slipped closed. Dan crawled in beside him, scooting close and wrapping his arms around Arin's middle. His head was tucked under Arin's chin as his voice rumbled into Dan's ear.  
"I thought you were gonna bite me."  
"Maybe tomorrow, Arin."


	12. Love Endures

Arin and Dan had spun back-to-back by the time Deb had walked in, snickering at the fact that they were dead to the world. She almost didn't want to wake them, as she knew that school always came much too early for the boys.   
Nevertheless, she swept in and flung the curtains open, running back to the doorway as she heard the advent groans of exhaustion.   
"Good morning!"  
"Go away, Deb." Dan bit the words into the mattress, and a pillow landed at her feet.   
"Don't throw things, it's time for school." She chucked the pillow back at him, giggling when it landed on his back.   
"Is this a daily thing?" Arin was finally awake, Deb magically having broken through to him.   
"On school days." Dan answered. He sat up to face her. "Alright, I'm awake."   
"Good. I'm gonna go get ready." She smiled mockingly at him and left, just as quickly as she had arrived.   
  
"Alright, guess we've gotta get up." Dan pushed himself away from the bed, his feet working into the carpet.   
Arin was sitting up and blinking, rubbing the sleep from his tired eyes.   
"I don't need to shower. Do you?"  
"Me either." Dan shuffled to the bathroom, beginning to brush his teeth.   
"Are we gonna be okay? During school?" He asked around the toothbrush hanging from his mouth.   
"Are you nervous?" Arin asked in turn. He stretched, moaning, and didn't see the way that Dan's eyes widened. When he looked back, Dan was trying to act overly casual while answering.   
"I guess not. I know I want you to be there. I don't want to just... seperate." His voice sped into rambling, a newly discovered nervous tic.   
"Dan, you're not just a weekend fling." Arin assured him. He slid out of the bed and walked over to the (slightly) taller boy, pressing his nose into the crook of his neck to avoid kissing him. He smelled like sleep and sweat and boy, a smell that shouldn't make Arin's toes curl, yet they worked against the cold tile all the same. Dan chuckled at Arin's breath tickling his clavicle, nudging Arin away with his shoulder.   
It was in the sleepy, nervous state that Arin breathed in that smell and smiled, working his hands through Dan's fluffed hair and mumbled.  
  
"I love you."  
  
There was a small clatter as Dan's toothbrush hit the ground.   
"Shit!" Dan bent in half as Arin slipped his hands from Dan's head to allow him to move. He giggled at Dan's surprise as Dan thrust the brush under hot water, wincing as it stung the still-sensitive cut on his palm.   
"Hey, hey, let me."   
Arin's smaller hand slid over Dan's, shielding him from the direct splash of the water.   
"You surprised me, and I forgot I was brushing my teeth and I love you too, and I just couldn't-"  
"Wait, you... you love me too?" Arin's hands froze under the tap as he turned to Dan.   
"Oh my God, yes!" Dan exclaimed, grabbing Arin's face and pulling him in suddenly for a kiss.   
It was too early for his stomach to be thrown around like so, too early for Dan's warm, wet hands to be on his cheeks and his toothpaste to be rubbing off on Arin.   
The kiss was disgusting, but the meaning behind it is what propelled Arin's lips to slip against Dan's as he held him close.   
After they broke, Arin gagged a bit, waving his hand at Dan's panic.  
"No, no, I appreciate the thought!" He coughed, the toothpaste triggering another gag. "Get cleaned up. We'll.... we'll make up for that one."   
Dan washed his mouth out, wiping his lips as Arin carried into the brushing of his teeth.   
  
Had Dan already ruined it?   
  
He just got so nervous, because he had planned on saying that to Arin... he didn't know, two weeks from then? Did Arin decide he didn't love him anymore?  
Dan worked through his hair with his hands as Arin brushed his teeth. Exiting the bathroom, he began the sad journey that was picking Arin's things up from the room. His games, shorts that were abandoned when they slept, and his phone charger...  


Dan sat on the bed, turning the end of the charger in his hands. If he kept it, Arin would have to come back...  
No, Arin needed it. That was selfish.   
  
"Whatcha doing, babe?" Arin had finished with his teeth, leaning against the doorframe, watching Dan.   
"I just... y'know." He already said everything, there was no reason to repeat himself just to state the obvious. Arin knew, especially by the way his eyes softened.   
Dan was more delicate than he ever thought he could be, and the emotional complexity of him is what could keep Arin guessing.   
"I don't want to leave, either." Arin offered, and Dan looked up, his eyes giving away that Arin had struck the right chord.   
"I don't want to go back to not having this." Dan whispered.   
"Dan? Can we go ahead and redo that 'I love you' kiss?" Arin asked, and Dan basically threw himself at Arin's figure in the door.   
Two strong hands wrapped around his hips, pressing their hips together as they met in a (thankfully) dryer kiss. It was small, gentle but insistent, as Dan settled his arms over Arin's shoulders.   
"We still get lunch," Arin mumbled against Dan's mouth, and Dan squeezed his eyes tighter and concentrated on not losing his mind.  
"And I'll text you, call you, come pick on you in the hallways..." Arin continued between rapidly deepening embraces.   
Dan breathed heavily through his nose, leaning onto Arin. He was almost afraid he'd fall, not sure where exactly his balance stood, not caring if he toppled the both of them.   
Arin was focused on not letting Dan fall, though he was relaxing against him and sliding down a bit.   
They broke the kiss panting, and Dan fell back on shaky legs.   
"I should... get dressed for school."  
"I love you," Arin winked.   
"I love you, too."   
  
\------  
  
They were dropped off with a kiss on the cheek from Deb, something that Arin blushed at while Dan scoffed.   
"Bye, boys!" She waved, and Dan and Arin slunk out of the car together. They were met with the brisk air, albeit a bit warmer than the day they met. Dan turned to wave back, and Deb was pointing to Arin's hand, giving Dan a thumbs-up.   
Dan sheepishly turned back around, but steeled his resolve and thrust his hand into Arin's as they walked. Arin stopped and tripped up a bit, deciding not to mention it and squeezing the hand in his. They walked so close it was behind them, and they were so early that no one else was there, but the simple thought of it was nerve-wracking.   
They were holding hands for the world to see.   
The thought made Dan simultaneously want to move closer to Arin and tear his hand away. But his hand was so warm, and... being skinny was chilly business.   
So it could stay.   
They led into the halls, a few students milling around. Most ignored them, but Dan caught a few winks directed at him and Arin alike. A girl eyed them, sizing up Dan and seemingly thinking she would be a better fit for Arin as she walked past them. Dan felt jealousy and a bit of shame lump under his breastbone, his throat protesting a bit. He was so nervous, and the people around him made it worse.   
How long would it be before Arin stopped loving him?  
  
Stop. Breathe.   
  
"Babe, you okay?" Arin mumbled the question through the broken air of the hallway, somehow reaching Dan's ears in its subtlety.   
"I'm okay." Dan tried to smile, he really did, but even he wasn't convinced. He reached up to play with his hair, twisting it over his finger and allowing it to slither from his hands.   
Arin changed the subject as they approached Dan's locker.   
"I love your hair." Arin took a turn, winding a spiral of Dan's hair around his forefinger and tugging.   
"Really? I've actually been thinking about dying it." The taller boy caught Arin's hand mindlessly and pressed it to his lips.   
It was an action that had been repeated over and over during the weekend, but one that was enormously conspicuous.   
Both of them were motionless, both not wanting to be the person that looked around, paranoid.   
Arin spoke.   
"I don't think you should dye it."   


"You don't?"  
Their words were slow as they found excuses to turn away, Dan retreating into his locker and Arin cracking his back to check behind himself.   
No one was around, so he swung back to place a small, dangerous-feeling kiss on Dan's cheek.   
"A-Arin! Jesus!" Dan pushed him away, his face burning a fiery red. Arin giggled.   
"What? I looooooooove you."   
He tried to look endearing, and Dan could see the vulnerable boy that had presented himself at home slipping away, back into Arin's persona.   
The thought of that twinged at Dan, who shut his locker and leaned in close to humor him.   
"I looooooove you too." He pulled up Arin's hand and pressed a kiss to the center knuckle. Dan could see Arin's persona displace, clicking in and out of joint as he turned bright red.  
A couple more people were around, including one glowering junior. Dan didn't pay attention to it, instead focusing on Arin's wide and flickering eyes.   
The junior watching them stalked away, neither of the boys thinking anything of it as he walked.   
\----  
They continued their prep for the day, bumping hands as Dan walked Arin to his class. All he got was a meaningful look as the boy was swept in by the crowd of teenagers heading to class.   
  
Dan's heart caught, clawing into his throat as he smiled. Arin was torn from him to head to class, and Dan couldn't help but feel a little empty.  
He didn't want to go back to how he was.  
He didn't want the mental box anymore, or the emotionless hull he tried for years to become.   
  
So he walked down the hallway, once again tuning into the conversations, about how amazing this party was or how good it felt to sleep in.   
It wasn't so obnoxious anymore.   
Maybe because his weekend had been amazing, as well?  
He thought it best not to mention it.   
People caught his eye in the hallway, and he smiled brightly at them, a sort of hello where they smiled back.   
That felt... okay.   
People looked at him, and he was... okay.   
Save a few junior boys who gave him a scowl in response, almost predatory in its aggression.   
Maybe they were just tired.   
Dan was starting to give people the benefit of the doubt.   
  
He bounced down the stairs to his first lesson, his hair swinging in and out of view as he slipped on the last one, giggling loudly.   
"Oh, shit!"   
He landed on the floor, standing hard as people around him smiled politely and chuckled in turn.   
"Stuck the landing!" He announced, and a few applauded, laughing.   
  
He scooted away, sheepishly hiding behind his hair as his class came into view. He managed to slide into his seat right before the bell rang, out of breath and tittering behind his hand.   
He had made people laugh. More people than Arin and his parents.   
Sweet.   
People still gave him sour glances, which was beginning to gnaw at the outer edges of his mind.   
Was it something he did?   
The only thing he could think of would be the glowering junior in the hallway, but there was no reason someone would be upset in the hallway... right?  
Unless.... nah.   
He didn't have to deal with that kid anymore. He was probably onto bigger targets, more important things.   
Dan dismissed thought of his prior bully, hoping that nothing would come of his suspicions.   
He turned his mind to the board, so he could scribble down the notes that he almost missed while some girls on the other side of the room giggled at something.   
Was it him?  
Nah, there's more to talk about in the world, he was just being paranoid.   
Right?  


\----

  
Dan was headed towards lunch when the very first incident occured.   
They hadn't exactly agreed on a meeting place, but Dan was confident he'd find Arin in the same place in the library.  
He even whistled on the way there, hearing some pick up the tune as he shuffled through the hallway. He smiled softly, a cloudy fog settling in his mind.   
  
Then he was slammed against a locker, hard, sliding down the green metal to the floor. A groan slipped its way from his throat, his eyes falling closed as the side of his arm throbbed sharply.   
  
"What the... the fuck?" Dan stared at the people around him, all ignoring him.   
What happened?  
His head twinged from where it hit the top locker, and his arm from slamming into the lock.   
Dan scrambled painfully, getting to his feet and bringing his backpack to his shoulders. He was almost pissed.  
At first he spun, trying to locate someone that was trying to apologize, someone that would present themselves so it would be cleared up.  
  
But nobody even so much as looked at him.  
  
He tried to mark it up to a freak accident. He really did.   
But this felt all too familiar, with the dirty looks and pain wracking his body from unseen perpetrators.   
The looks were the real tip that it was happening again, that Dan was going to be stuck on a loop of abuse, and he'd be trapped, Arin would leave, he'd be alone...  
  
Unintentional tears welled up in his eyes, burning as he already felt the runniness in his nose.   
No, he couldn't cry. He refused to.   
He wiped his eyes and new tears came to replace those, hopelessly coming in a cycle as he wiped, but refused to sob.  He couldn't just cry every time someone bumped into him, he was changing!  
He sniffed once, hard, and headed towards the library to Arin. It would all be okay when he was with him.   
Arin would know what to do. 

\------------  
Arin shifted in his seat, wishing Dan were next to him instead of his randomly assigned lab partner. He'd seen her in the hallway that morning, offering her a polite smile as she seemed to stare holes through Dan.   
Arin could understand. Dan was hot.  
And with Arin's encouragement to be more noticeable, people were taking note.   
A lot of people seemed to be staring at Dan today.   
  
"We need to balance this equation, and then we can start on the next reaction. 'Kay?" The girl's voice was sugary-sweet as she directed him through instructions he'd already read.   
"Yeah, I'm working on the first equation now." Arin glanced up with a smile.   
"Ok, then I'll just... whoops!"  
She knocked her water bottle off of the lab table. Arin noticed she deliberately waited until he had glanced over before bending down to pick it up. The top of her shirt dropped hollowly, and Arin could see all the way through it as she "searched" for her water bottle. Not that he was interested in staring.  
"Okay, I'm done." Arin finished the question and proceeded with the experiment, much to the girl's chagrin.   
He had no time for girls like her.  
\------------  
  
"Hey, babe!" Arin looked up when Dan tapped him on the shoulder, becoming confused when he met Dan's eyes. "Dan, what's wrong?"  
"Nothing." Dan sniffed once.   
"You look like a kicked puppy. Why're you crying?" Arin patted the seat beside him, and pulled him into his side upon being seated. "Did someone say something to you?"  
Dan realized then how ridiculous he was being. Why did Arin being worried make him want to cry more? He didn't deserve this, he had just been pushed.   
He didn't even know if it was malicious.  He was just being a baby.   
"No, I'm fine. Just tired." Dan lied through his teeth, trying to smile at Arin. He didn't know how well he succeeded.   
"Are you sure, baby?" It seemed like a last chance for Dan to fess up, tell Arin what was bothering him, and...  
...and what?  
Arin would be on a rampage, looking for them, and it could have been an accident.   
It wasn't worth it.   
He'd just... deal with it, if anything happened further.   
He'd tell Arin.   
\------  
When it happened again, two days later, Dan still didn't tell.   
Not about the notes, the way they fluttered from his locker like dried leaves from a sickened tree. Or what they said, what he read all through first block as he bit back tears at the harsh words. Especially the one brandished, quite fittingly, with "DON'T TELL."  
  
Queer.   
Ugly.   
Stupid.   
Unworthy.   
  
Oh, god. It sounded so familiar.   


He just gathered them when Arin couldn't see, claimed that they were class notes. Kissed him goodbye, went to class and hollowly offered conversation at lunch.  
  
Dan could feel himself drowning again in the words, in the mindset they put him in. He stretched an arm out, lying in bed after school, while the notes shuffled around him, as though he were physically breaching the water.   
But the water wasn't present, save the rivulets threading their way down his cheeks as he bent double with self-pitying sobs. It hurt, each noise that twisted its way from his tearing throat.  
He thought this would be different.   
He didn't know why he assumed he'd be able to live in peace.   
He was unworthy, he was ugly and stupid, and he didn't need to be told so.  
He just hoped no one else would notice that he was.  
  
The subsiding of a wracking sob allowed the sound of his phone buzzing from his backpack to reach his ears.   
He hadn't even pulled it out when he got home.   
This one was odd, it wasn't a single buzz. It was incessant, rhythmic and damning.   
He shuffled over and picked through the top pocket and lifting it into view.  
  
It was Arin.  
  
He answered it before thinking.   
  
"Hello?" His voice was thick and shaking, and he just hoped Arin wouldn't notice-  
  
"You've been crying."  
  
It wasn't a question.   
Arin knew, and he'd want to know why, Dan would tell him if he didn't lie now. If he didn't convince himself right NOW that it didn't matter.   
And it didn't, did it?  
  
"No, just... sleepy."   
He hoped that the cute word would distract the other boy, just make him stop asking questions.   
  
"You've been sleepy for days. Can I... can I see you? We don't have any classes together, I miss youuuuu." Arin crooned sweetly into the phone.   
  
Dan's heart raced. He wanted to see him, he really did. To see Arin, to just forget, and act like this wasn't going to happen again.   
But it was.   
Dan sniffed.   
Tell him no, he told himself.   
'You don't deserve him, tell him no and let him hate you.'  
  
"Where do you want to meet?"   
\--------  
  
Dan was met with a crushing hug, and a quick kiss from Arin. Warmth bloomed in his hollow chest, even as he shivered in his fleece. They sat on a nearby bench in the park, listening to the shrieks of after-school children splitting the frozen air.   
  
"Are you sure there isn't anything wrong?"   
  
Dan cast a long sigh, and Arin wrapped his hand in Dan's larger one. He didn't want to lie, but he didn't want to tell him about the notes, either.   
Arin would worry.   
Dan wasn't worth the worry.   
  
"I'm starting to think I might not be good enough for you."   
  
Arin chuckled, the sound solidifying and falling from the air.   
  
"You too, huh?"   
  
Dan turned to him, confused. Arin was better than him. Why would he feel like that?   
Arin was smiling at Dan's confusion, and he lifted the back of Dan's hand to his lips.   
  
"You don't have to worry. I'm not leaving anytime soon. I just... I really felt like I needed to see you."   
  
He was pointedly not making eye contact, instead watching a child with hair similar to Dan's.   
They sat together quietly, and Arin wondered if that kid was going to go through the same shit Dan had in ninth grade. Thank god it had ended, though. Their relationship didn't seem to be causing either of them issues, it seemed to Arin.   
He felt a strange tug, like that kid needed to know to look out for people like that. Oddly, he wanted to shelter him from that shit.   
  
"What would you say to younger you?"  
Arin blurted, curious about Dan's answer. "Like, ninth-grade you."  
  
"That twenty questions game ended days ago, Arin." Dan giggled, just glad to be away from school, away from the letters.   
  
"C'mon, tell me. Ninth grade Dan, what would he think of you?"   
  
It was an odd question to Dan, but he thought it over soberly nonetheless. He came to the only truth that was present to him.   
  
"Ninth grade me didn't think we'd make it this far."   


Arin didn't look away from the park as his chest throbbed like a broken tooth. He knew Dan wasn't being dramatic, just by the sincerity with which he spoke. A year of hidden stories were revealed with one sentence, and Arin knew how much Dan had spiraled. He gave Dan's larger hand a tight squeeze.   
  
"You don't have to deal with that shit anymore, Dan."   
  
Dan opened his mouth to speak, to refute. He had to tell Arin that he was, that this was the beginning and it was going to happen again.   
The words caught in the brambles of his overthinking throat.   
He squeaked out, as internally he felt the emotional walls slam back down, and the person he was becoming be beaten back into his psyche.   
  
"I know."  



	14. Strong

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Description of bullying, hurtful and offensive language, and physical violence. Don't read if it will cause you any harm.

Dan's eyes slid open, a bitter taste in his mouth.   
Another week.   
A good morning text to Arin, a shower, passing the mirror, not looking.   
Returning to the mirror, looking and hating. His eyes looked more sunken than they used to, dull and flat.   
Was he getting thinner?   
How was that possible?  
  
He stalked into the bathroom, shoving his toothbrush into his mouth and pushing away the way his heart sped up, remembering Arin and his confession.   
Dan's eyes traced the border of the mirror, landing on each note he taped there.   
Ugly, worthless, queer.  
Waste.   
That was a new one.   
  
He thought that facing them each morning would make him stronger, more resistant to the words, so he wouldn't cry the next time they were hissed into his ear as he was passed on the way to class.   
He spit into the sink, wiping his mouth and yawning.   
He'd been so tired these last few days.  
Maybe it was the sleepless nights, after he'd insisted Arin go to bed, not doing so himself. He'd come to memorize every star he could see from his window, named them twice, and pitted them against each other in fake arguments.   
  
His phone chimed, and Arin had responded.   
  
It was an enthusiastic good morning, and Dan smiled, his mouth already feeling strange with a new position.   
  
Despite how shitty he felt, he still loved Arin.   
  
He picked up the foundation next to the sink, rubbing it under his eyes and over the purple mark he'd been dealing with on his jaw. The foundation had been a secret purchase, sneakily bought while Debbie picked up a prescription at the drugstore. He blended it as best as he could, hoping that it wasn't noticeable.   
He did this because he cared for Arin.   
That's why he didn't tell him how much it had escalated, or even that it had happened.   
He didn't need to worry him.  
Dan sat on the closed lid of the toilet, staring at the notes.   
He was strong.   
He confronted them everyday, stared them down and accepted the truth.   
He deserved it.   
The one thing he could do for Arin is convince him, let him think that everything was a paradise. This was the price he could pay to be near such a boy.   
\--------------  
  
"Hey, baby!"   
  
Arin sounded happy. That was good.   
Dan swallowed down his dread at the sight of the doors and grinned widely.   
  
"Hello, beautiful."   
  
He could count about ten people glaring daggers at him as he grabbed Arin's hand. Arin squeezed back tightly, and the trepidation seemed a little more bearable.   
  
"I love you." Dan said meaningfully, and Arin's grin became impossibly wider.   
  
"I still don't know why."  
  
"Because you're my soul mate, obviously." Dan felt like a bird, nervously checking their surroundings to find more of the same. He shut his eyes tightly, hoping that all of it would be gone when he opened them.   
He turned his head towards Arin as he opened them, and everything did disappear.   
  
"God, I love you." Arin pulled Dan in a bit, planting a quick kiss to his cheek. Dan batted him away, acting as though the action didn't scare the hell out of him. Anything else was new ammunition.   
He was going to catch hell for it.   
It was worth it.   
  
They moved into the school, Arin pulling to head towards Dan's locker.  
No, they couldn't.  
Dan's eyes were wild as he tugged Arin back. He couldn't even guess how many notes had already made their way into his locker.   
Arin turned to him.   
  
"What's up?"  
  
"We don't need to go to my locker," Dan tried to excuse breaking from what had become a habit, a routine. "I packed all of my stuff up yesterday. I've got it all."   
  
Arin nodded, heading in the opposite direction, towards his class.   
Dan's hands stopped shaking, a soft exhale of relief passing his lips. He didn't need Arin exposed to such vicious words.   
  
"I wish we had classes together," Arin stated, and Dan couldn't agree more.   
  
"I wish we were on my roof right now. I'd rather be there than around so many people." Dan acted disgusted at someone brushing his shoulder, while he was internally grateful that it hadn't had more force behind it.   
  
"Rather be in your bed," Arin winked awkwardly, and Dan's heart kicked. "Preferably without pants."

"Preferably? Arin, you've never worn pants in my bed."  
The thought of that wasn't helping Dan, what with the fear and nervousness he had already built up. He didn't need the distraction.   
Though... maybe he did.   
There were no words for how much he wanted to whisk Arin into the nearby janitors closet, where he could be with Arin and no one would even know they were together...   
  
No, it wouldn't work. How he wished, though.   
  
"I've got to get you to class."   
Dan smiled at Arin, his chest constricting at the thought of facing the school, the darkening halls alone.   
He dropped Arin off with a meaningful squeeze to the hand and a look that tried to hide how drowned he felt.   
  
\---  
  
He didn't get far after that.   
  
A group of five boys hung around, lazily trailing behind him as he made his way to class. They may have been in a loose formation, but to Dan...  
He finally understood why zebras stuck together.   
  
It was too bad that Dan couldn't blend in with the crowds, with lanky features and giant hair.   
He had nearly reached his next class when the bell had rung. Teachers had never started class this quickly, but it seemed today, the heavy doors shut directly after the damning bell.   
They'd be locked, he knew.   
To keep tardy students out without a pass from slipping in without the teachers noticing.   
Oh god, if a teacher would notice him now, it'd be a fucking miracle.   
  
But Dan had hardly ever experienced a miracle when it came to his peers.  
Dan collected himself, breathing in so deeply that his lungs sang, and turned towards the boys he knew would be behind him.   
  
"I hope you have your makeup, Avidan."   
  
One of them sneered, and Dan's heart siezed, pulling at his throat in its concealed terror.  
  
He knew.   
He knew what was coming next, and there was nothing he could do to stop it. But today, he was too tired to fight back, too tired to resist at all.   
  
He wasn't the same kid they attacked before. He could hide his fear now.   
  
"You don't have to drag me. Where are we going?" Dan stuck his chin out, eyeing them.   
  
"You're a little stuck-up, _Danny,"_ they mimicked the name that Arin had audibly connected him to. But there was so much... hate in his voice. "For a guy about to get the shit kicked out of him."  
  
"I just don't want you fuckfaces to tear my shirt." Dan jeered, and they looked at each other. Seemingly, whichever asshole was in charge allowed Dan this tiny mercy.  
  
"It's not like you have the balls to run off, anyway." One of them, a brunet kid with crooked teeth joked, and the others joined in with monotone laughter. "Come on, to the bathroom. It's time for your beating, fag."   
  
Dan winced at the word, calming his heartbeat with tears in his eyes. He hated pain, with an unadulterated, visceral, stomach-turning passion.   
  
What would Arin say, if he knew?   
  
Dan going willingly behind the kids that would hurt him, kids that he didn't even bother to identify.   
  
It would be incriminating if he tried to go to someone about it.   
But he wouldn't.  
  
He knew it just as well as them. He wouldn't go running.   
  
Everyone in that group, including him, believed he deserved it.   
\----  
  
The door had no sooner swung closed with a controlled click that Dan recieved the first blow.   
  
It was Crooked-Teeth himself.   
  
Directly to the stomach, Dan felt the wind rise out of him violently. He bent double, coughing and choking.   
He was going to throw up. He knew it.   
His nose stung with the intensity of the feeling, but he bit it back with the only strength he could muster then.   
  
Dan's head rose, eyes darkly locking onto the kid ahead of him.   
  
"That's what you get- what all of you fags deserve!" The kid boomed, yanking Dan's hair up to stare at him.   
  
"Beat me up now, fucker." Dan gasped out. "But I hope you don't try this shit on him."  
  
He let the pain fill him up, the bruising, hollow feeling becoming all he knew. It made his tone biting as they talked about Arin.   
  
"He won't care about you when he sees how fucking weak you are, Avidan. Coming in here all on your own with us, you're probably turned on now! Freak!" 

The words didn't hurt anymore. Dan had shut down higher processes, the names just became glass beads dropping into an wave of pain, the transparency making them disappear in the hurt. The twinkling sound of them falling to the floor as Dan wished he could were almost audible. 

"Trust me, only your mother could like someone with your fucking teeth."  
Dan snapped.   
The kid's lackeys let out a collective "oooh" at the insult, and Crooked-Teeth sneered at him, obviously embarrassed.   
  
"Fuck you!"   
  
Dan saw a fist draw back, and gave himself enough time to close his eyes, and for the boys to pin him against the wall before it connected with his nose.   
  
_Crack_.  
  
It was insanity. Everything hurt as Dan's head hit the wall, his ears ringing with the resounding break. Or... the ringing coincided with that of the school bell, the boys snapping to attention like Pavlovian dogs.   
  
"Fuck! The blood... We need to go," one of the lackeys called to the main brunet, grabbing his shoulder. "Wash your hands, you don't need it on you."   
  
Crooked stared down at Dan, whose eyes had given up holding the tears in as he rapidly realized how much blood was covering him. The indentations of his palms became a collection of the thick liquid, staining. There was so much...  
  
"Don't forget this, Avidan."   
  
A finger was pointed in his face, visible even through the shaky reality he'd surfaced into through the pain. The boys left quickly, the blood and prevalent cracking sound having scared them through the bathroom door to annoy someone else.  
  
Dan tilted his head back, if only to stem the blood a bit. It rushed the back of his throat, and he choked, coughing heavily.   
  
He stumbled forward blindly, leaving a bloody dragging handprint across one stall door, coughing into the toilet.   
It stained the water red so quickly, dropping and trailing into the clarity of it, making it quickly turn opaque.   
  
He spit once more, the thick glob leaving a trail from his lips to the bloodied water.   
  
And there he sat.   
  
He couldn't go to class, not like this.   
  
He shoved a bit of toilet paper into his nose, trying to keep the blood from trailing further down his face.   
He stood shakily, head spinning.   
He hated blood, he hated it so much.   
  
Turning the paper towel dispenser with a trembling hand, he grabbed three and soaked them in water, dabbing at the blood around his nose.   
He needed to clean up, make sure his nose wasn't broken.   
  
Everything felt so hopeless, all he could do was assess the damage before he fell apart.   
  
He went to the corner of the handicapped stall, sinking against the wall and putting his forehead to his knees.   
  
And he _wept_.   
  
Great tears cascaded down his cheeks, soaking into the tissue up his nose. He forgot how loud he was, sobbing, because everything hurt.   
  
He wasn't strong now.   
  
Arin wouldn't like him, if he knew. The boys would tell him that Dan was here, that he followed them here, it was his fault.   
  
It _was_  his fault, wasn't it?  
  
He needed to go home, he couldn't walk Arin home.   
He thought of the notes taped to his mirror as he walked in turned his stomach.   
No, he didn't want to go home...  
He just didn't want to be here.   
  
But right now, here was what he needed. What he deserved.   
It was still a price he could pay to be near Arin. All of this was _because_ someone like him was with Arin. 

Even if this was every day for him, Dan could deal. As long as Arin didn't know. 

As long as Dan wasn't causing him more trouble than he was worth. 


	16. Sit Back, Relax, Relapse

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'm back! So is Dan, god help the kid. 
> 
> THIS SOUNDS LIKE THE LAST CHAPTER A THE END BUT I ASSURE YOU IT IS NOT

 

Arin ate lunch by himself, something in his chest stirring at the thought of being alone there.   
Where was Dan?   
Maybe he was retaking a test.. or something. That's something he told himself, he knew it wasn't true.   
  
"Hey, Hanson!"   
  
Five guys came up to his table at the library, all of them smiling at him, setting their bags down as Arin moved his things from the table.   
  
"Oh, hey."  
  
Arin chuckled, confused. No one talked to him, usually, so having guys excited to sit with him was... new.   
  
"How are you, man? Haven't seen you in forever!" One of them, seemingly the ringleader, slapped his shoulder, and Arin chuckled with them.   
  
"I'm, uh... I'm okay, I guess. You?"  
  
"Cool, cool, man. It's good to see you- ever since the Avidan freak started hanging with you."  
  
Avidan... freak?  
That was rude... however, Dan's comments that he'd be whispering about this kid's crooked teeth would be more rude. Maybe he just didn't like him? He had to defend, at least.   
  
"He's not a freak, he's-"  
  
"It's so like a loser like him to attach to someone cooler. You should just get rid of him."  
  
What?  
Arin was getting a very bad feeling about not knowing where Dan was. Did these guys have something to do with it?  
  
"He's not... attached to me, he's-" Arin stopped, shaking his head. "Have you seen him?"  
  
"Nope. Thank god, his spooky ass walking around would give me nightmares."  
  
The kid pulled up a seat next to Arin, who stared him down. He brought his hands up, and dotted on one, just barely, as though he'd tried to scrub it away, was blood.   
Maybe a papercut, blotted away?  
No. It couldn't be.  
  
Arin stood.   
  
"Where is he?"  
  
"I said I didn't know." The kid pulled his brow together in mock-confusion.  
  
"I swear to God," Arin refused to wait for an explanation, grabbing the kids wrist and letting all of his height come into frame, all 6'2" and muscular. "I will cut your dick off and feed it to your parents."  
  
"Why all the accusations, Hanson?"  
  
One of his lackeys piped up, and Arin gave him a stare-down.   
  
"You know, he followed us willingly. Like he _wanted_  the shit kicked out of him."   
The kid sneered at him, and Arin twisted his wrist, but the kid still gasped out taunts. "How could you want someone so weak?"  
  
"Where is he?"  
  
Arin twisted his arm further, and the kid winced.   
  
"Downstairs. Bathroom. Probably the handicapped stall."  
  
"Fitting," someone chuckled out.  
  
One of them laughed, and the others joined in. Arin curled his hand into a fist, pulling back before...  
No.   
It wouldn't be smart, he needed to get to Dan.   
  
"I'm coming for your skinny ass next."  
  
His voice was low as he looked meaningfully into the boy's eyes, and the boy's chuckle died as he swallowed.   
\-------  
  
Dan walked in the cold, sweatshirt around him as his nostrils stung from the temperature.   
  
He reached up, touching his nose, ensuring it wasn't crooked.   
It wasn't broken, just incredibly bruised.   
  
He had to be away from the school, he couldn't... he couldn't stay there, with the smell of iron permeating the tiled walls, the way it made him feel.   
  
He had so quickly lost control of himself.   
Of his life.   
  
Such a high, met with such a crushing, depressive low.   
  
The park came into the horizon.   
Huh.   
He hadn't planned to be anywhere, just mill until he felt ready to stop, to face his home and mother.   
And the notes.  
  
Perhaps that thought was what made him step over the low crosshatch fencing, to wander into the empty park and claim a swing.   
  
It squeaked as he sat down, as did he, his stomach turning and sending up a flare of pain. It sent tears to his eyes, blurring the woodchips that his shoes had sunken into. He gagged once as the pain ebbed away, sheer resolve being the only thing between him and vomiting.   
  
He sounded so pitiful, the groaning swing ringing out as he doubled over.

He sat back up, gripping the chains and letting them dig into his palms. His feet were fully on the ground, making it easier to push off. He propelled himself to build some kind of height, so his feet wouldn't touch the ground, so he could feel small. Small, like his dad was pushing him, like he could go home and smile at his mother, and she would hand him a snack and set up the TV.   
  
Not like the line of questions he'd recieve upon returning home. If he cried, did what his mother hadn't seen for years, would she leave him alone? Did he have it in him to cry again?  
  
He wasn't sad. He wasn't angry, pitiful, or even scared of his mother.   
He was just... empty. With a crushing pain vibrating through his skull.  
  
It surprised him to find that he didn't   
_care._ He just wanted to sleep, make this day disappear.  
The wind tore its way through his hair, the leftover tear tracks that he didn't know had formed were colder than the rest of him.   
  
He was so, so tired. His eyelids begged to drift shut on their own, even as the wind struck his face. His head even dropped a bit, bringing it back up with difficulty.   
  
Why did something in him want to just fall asleep there, fall from the swing and rest on the woodchips below?   
  
Why did he so badly want to be alone?  
\-----------------  
Dan wasn't in the bathroom.   
Arin's heart plummeted, and he panted, having sprinted from the library. Shouldn't there be.... blood? Or something?   
Where was Dan?  
  
Arin pulled out his phone, tapping out a quick message. 

A: _Dan? Where are you?_

A: _Kinda scaring me here._   
A: _Unless you're in class._  
A: _You're not in class, are you?_  
  
He forced himself to put the phone in his pocket. There was nothing he could do until Dan answered. It was as simple as that.   
\--  
Dan's phone buzzed in his pocket, pulling him from his tired contemplation on the bench he'd shuffled to.   
  
His arms were set along the back of it, head resting on one, and he was sure he looked like a psychopath. Or a delinquent, bruised and battered and sitting on a park bench in the cold.   
  
His clumsy fingers crawled their way into his pocket, revealing four frantic texts, all brandished with Arin's name.   
  
Dan quirked a smile despite himself, as though he'd trained himself to hide everything when Arin was involved.   
Arin was worried about him.   
Why did he like that?  
  
D: _I'm not in class._  
  
The response came immeadiately. The three dots didn't even have time to pop up.   
  
A: _WHERE ARE YOU?_  
  
D: _Not in class._  
  
He didn't want Arin coming for him. He knew that he would drop everything, come running, because that's who he was. But he didn't want to explain the bruises, that he had gone so willingly... that he was this weak.   
This cruel.   
  
Texts had accumulated as he'd been thinking.   
  
A: _Please_  
A: _Tell me where you are, I'm worried._  
A: _Are you at home?_  
A: _Are you okay?_  
  
Why did he want to know so badly? For all he knew, Dan was still at school. How did he know that there was something wrong in the first place?  
  
Dan checked the time.   
  
Oh. Lunch.  
  
Arin must have eaten alone.   
  
Easy to cover up, at least.   
  
D: _I just got sick_  
D: _Walking home now_  
D: _I'm alright_  
D: _Nauseous, but alright_  
  
A: _I'm on my way._  
  
Panic ran up Dan's arms, shocking through the sleepy reverie. Arin was coming. He was going to be here.   
Going to Dan's house.   
Why couldn't Dan move?  
He was frozen to the spot, the exhaustion still not having left his limbs. He put a hand on the bench and attempted to stand, but his legs didn't follow the orders from his brain.   
  
His heart thumped, but his eyelids drifted shut still. He was still so tired.  
\-----------  
Arin was still running when Dan came into sight. A large, urgent feeling drove him. It felt like worry, but exploded through his legs like pistons, just as anger would.  
He slowed down, calling out to Dan. He didn't stir, just staring at the grass as though it held some kind of answer.   
The anger took hold of Arin again, and his voice was louder, stronger and more intimidating.   
  
" _Leigh!_ "  
  
He felt like a parent. He was going to scold him, for worrying him, making him feel like he did, for running from him.  
  
But when he got closer, he could see.   
  
Dan wasn't staring at the grass.   
Or anything.   
His eyes were shut, head hanging limply from his neck.   
He was asleep.   
  
Blacked out, more accurately.   
  
Arin's hands found the sides of the boys face, and he swung Dan's head up to meet his closed eyes as his throat caught with a thick ball of panic.   
The bruise had bloomed like a violet and yellow daisy, covering the left side of his face. Blood was still crusted over his nostril, and dried tears made his face sticky. Arin passed gentle fingers over the bruise, but Dan didn't react in the slightest.   
  
His phone was in his lap.  
  
Arin grabbed Dan's hand, pressing his right thumb over the home button in his worry.   
It didn't work, and Arin's eyes welled up.   
"Shit, _fuck_ , I forgot," he breathed, kicking himself internally as he dropped the first hand and picked up Dan's left.   
Scrolling through the contacts hastily, he secured Deb's phone number, holding it to his ear as it dialed and rang.   
  
"Hello?"  
  
"Mrs. Avidan? It's me, I... Arin. Can you come pick us up? We're at the park by you're house, Dan's in bad shape-"  
  
He tried to give the details, but saying it aloud made it real, and that made him panic further.   
  
"Where are you? Is Dan okay?"  
  
"I don't know." His voice was so small.   
"We're both at the park and he needs a ride home."   
  
"I'm on my way now. Are you alright? You sound like you're panicking."  
  
"That's 'cuz I am," he chuckled, a bit half-heartedly. "But I'm alright, he just... shit, he needs help."   
  
She didn't remind him about language, but he tried to explain, until ten minutes of watching Dan and stammering, he could hear the beginning of a car coming down the road.   
  
"Breathe, Arin. I'm pulling up."  
  
Her voice was tight with worry as well, but she was clearly better under pressure. The car hadn't even stopped fully before she had jumped out of it, and was immeadiately at Dan's side.   
  
She was going to be angry at Arin. This was his fault, wasn't it?   
  
Deb was staring at Arin, and put a hand on his shoulder. She had been talking.   
  
"Stay with me, honey. Can you pick him up?"   
  
Arin processed the question slowly, but nodded before he could think.   
  
"I-I can carry him."  
  
Couldn't he?  
  
"We're putting him in the van. Alright? Can you do that?"  
  
He nodded, bending down to hook a arm under Dan's leg, using his other to dip Dan's head towards his chest as he lifted him.   
  
"Backseat. Then you get into the front. Buckle him in."  
  
It went through his head slowly as the rest of his thoughts sprinted past. Dan was cold, light and his hair was fluffed around from the wind.   
Like... a cloud. Snow cloud. Dan was a snow cloud.   
  
He did as she said, but hesitated before climbing in.   
  
"You want me... to go?"  
  
She was shifting into gear, and she turned to face him with a disbelieving look, as though this should have been obvious.   
  
"You're worried about him too, aren't you? You're just as big a part of this as I am."  
  
Arin saddled into the front seat, stunned as he swung the door closed.   
  
\-------  
  
It didn't take long to get to the house, but Arin could gasp out a story in that time. Or, enough of it to get the point across that Dan had gotten the shit kicked out of him.   
  
Deb listened silently, nodding when it was appropriate.   
  
"You said he messaged you? When would he have fallen asleep?"  
She asked, when the story was over.   
  
"It would have to have been right after the last message, he was like this... when I found him."  
  
"Probably not a concussion, then. It would have been pretty immeadiate. We need to keep an eye on him, for now."

"Y-yeah, got it." Arin was still reeling from the 'we' business. He thought that Dan would be taken from his hands, into the arms of adults that knew what they were doing. "But if it isn't a concussion, why did he pass out?"  
  
They were at his house now, Arin unbuckling Dan from the backseat.   
  
"I'm not sure," Deb admitted. "He hasn't been taking care of himself recently. I don't know what it is. He acts like he's fine, but he looks... different, somehow. Sadder."  
  
She was watching Dan sleep in the seat, slumped over as Arin lifted him out.   
  
"You noticed too?"  
Arin had glanced up from his lowered position, and followed her gaze as he straightened up. "He won't tell me what's wrong, but I suspect that people have started acting weird around him, since I came along."  
  
"They have?"  
  
"Yeah," he sighed. "Today, I.. uh, was approached by the guys that did this. They tried to get me to stop hanging out with him, yknow?"  
  
"What did you say?" She asked, trepidation in her voice.   
  
"Nothing I feel comfortable repeating in good company." He smiled, reassuring Deb that he'd not abandoned his boyfriend.   
  
"Good. He needs a friend like you." She grinned. "Could you take him to his room? He can get some comfortable rest."   
  
She let him into the house, allowing Arin to pass her, Dan in his arms.   
  
"Thank you. I'm glad you're taking care of him, Mrs. Avidan. I was worried."  
  
She waved it off.  
  
"Once he wakes up, we'll get some answers, hopefully."  
  
"Yeah."  
\----------  
  
There was nothing to prepare Arin for Dan's room.   
  
Clothes littered the floor, and he noticed scraps of paper scattered along them. The curtains were drawn tightly, shielding Dan from the outside world as he was set down. It felt like he'd disturbed some stagnant air, like the room wanted to be dark and depraved.   
  
He covered Dan with the blanket, a confused look on his face. It felt... bad. The room felt unhealthy.   
But why?  
  
He started picking up, grabbing dirty clothes with the intent of dropping them into the hamper. Then he encountered the bathroom.   
  
The clothes fell from his hands as he was bombarded with the sight of the notes taped to the mirror.   
All of them were decorated with a vicious intention, personally attacking Dan, someone Arin said he'd protect. 

Someone who had hidden it.   
  
Why the mirror? What was it about the mirror that made this make sense?  
  
Hold on. Arin grabbed a small, unfamiliar bottle from beside the sink.   
Foundation?  
  
What did Dan need foundation for?  
  
Arin decided something with finality, and reached into the cabinet to soak a washcloth with warm water.   
He was going to need to clean Dan's face anyway. Better get to the bottom of this.   
  
He entered the room again, feeling something warm still when he saw Dan. It was his responsibility. He was going to take care of him.   
Dan could hate him later.   
  
A small bit of gentle scrubbing revealed a dark, healing bruise along Dan's jaw, and Arin sighed, resting his head on Dan's sleeping chest.   
  
" _Jesus_ , Danny."  
  
He'd kept Arin completely in the dark. He'd let him believe that everything was fine, when it so clearly wasn't.  
  
Arin was a little pissed. But mostly sad, that Dan hadn't wanted him to know.   
To stop it.  
  
" _I wanted to help you. I thought you could trust me._ " He said quietly, harshly. " _What did it mean, any of it? If I couldn't help you?_ "  
  
He stood up, taking a shaky breath. Sniffed once.   
  
Nothing he could do until Dan woke up. So, he busied himself with cleaning. The mess was mostly clothes and torn up notes, so it disappeared quite quickly.  
 He moved into the bathroom and angrily tore down all of the notes. With every note that was taken down, he purged the name from the room, from the atmostphere. He crumpled them into the garbage, tying up the bag to be taken out.   
  
He cussed to himself as he moved onto dusting, turning on the fan and tucking Dan in more firmly.  
It felt clean. Like it was emptier, and Dan would wake up to something new.   
  
Arin collapsed next to Dan on the bed, watching him as he laid there, breathing peacefully.

He turned into Dan's side, pressing his forehead to his shoulder and sighing yet again.   
  
Dan stirred, but Arin didn't look up. Mingling in with the creaking of the fan, he heard a scratchy, sleep-wracked voice.   
  
"That was a deep sigh, Big Cat."  
  
He still stayed, not meeting Dan's eyes. He got over the initial surprise, and the heart-pounding feeling of Dan's chest rumbling against him. He was so mad, so upset that Dan woke up like nothing had happened. He didn't even register what he'd said, only blurting out what had been on his mind since he found him.   
  
"You said you were sick. That was _bullshit_." His voice quivered, but he was strong. He was going to have this discussion.  
  
Dan frowned, and he breathed deeply. So they were doing this after all.   
  
"I didn't want you to worry-"  
  
"Yeah, well, that's not how this shit works, Dan!"  
  
He sat up fully, speaking loudly. Dan fell silent, not looking at him.  
  
"All I knew was that someone left you bloody and crying in the bathroom!"   
He brought his hands up, letting them fall into his lap. "And you give me these cryptic answers, and it's my job to find you passed out on a fucking park bench! Do you know how that _feels_?"  
  
"What was I supposed to do, Arin?"   
Dan stared distantly at the door, his voice quiet and calm. He wasn't going to run.   
  
"Fucking... let me help you! I thought I was a part of this!"  
  
"It's not about you!" Dan matched his tone, angry that Arin wasn't understanding. He wasn't going to, that was just who he was.   
  
"But I'm the reason it's happening!"   
  
"I don't need your help, Arin. I'm okay."  
  
"Bull-fucking- _shit_ , Dan!" Arin's voice broke, and the final straw was pulled. He was crying, wiping away the stream of tears that he had tried not to release. He was so frustrated, and helpless, he didn't know if he could fix this.   
  
Dan sat up and away from him, eyes wide and frantic.   
  
"No, I-! Arin, don't cry, please! I didn't mean it..."  
  
His hands were near Arin, not daring to hold him or comfort him, for fear that he'd make it worse.   
  
"Arin, I just... I didn't want to worry you."  
  
"You worried me anyway," he stuttered through his tears, face mangled into a frown. "So great job with that."  
  
He stood, facing away from Dan.   
  
"If you don't want my help, fine. Handle it yourself. But don't do anything stupid. Because I care about you, okay?" He spun, wiping at his face. "Even if it isn't mutual, I guess."  
  
Dan rocketed out of bed, directly into Arin's arms, head spinning and legs weak as Arin caught him, as Arin always caught him.   
  
He steadied him, pushing the boy away to stand on his own, and face Arin.   
  
"It's mutual. Oh my god, it is, I'm sorry." He stopped to swallow, and put his hands on Arin's cheeks, making Arin look at him. "I do care, Arin. I didn't... I didn't think that you couldn't handle it, it's that... I didn't want you to be involved." His hands dropped.   
  
Dan was crying as well, again feeling bitter and hot tears slip down his cheeks, blurring the sight of the boy in front of him.  
  
It wasn't as theatrical as Arin, who messily pawed at tears and sniffed loudly.   
  
"You shouldn't leave me out of this. I want to help."   
  
"That's what I'm afraid of."   
  
Dan stated, reserved, while the wall between the two grew thicker. They stood still like children, toddlers that were frozen and staring at one another, in tears. A foot apart. Arin was within reach, all Dan had to do was cast a hand out.   
  
But he was stock still. Each of them waited for the other to make a move, to prove that they'd not lost anything in this conversation, in this conflict.   
Each trying to gauge how much they'd lost between the both of them.   
  
"Why are you afraid?"  
  
"Because I didn't want you getting hurt."   
  
"High school bullies aren't that big of a deal. I'm not helpless, yknow."   
Arin seemed worried, and the wall dissipated as he stepped forward, catching Dan's eye. "Why did you follow them?"   
  
"Because _I'm_  helpless."  
  
"What?"  
  
"I told them not to go near you, and they did. Didn't they? How else would you have known?"

"They did. They told me their side. I want to know yours. Don't leave me in the dark on this one, Dan, please?"  
  
Arin grabbed one of his hands, slowly, as all of this had started.   
  
"My room is clean." Dan stated simply, and it seemed like a topic change. There was a thread of fear sewn into his quivering voice.  
"Yeah, I cleaned it." Arin sniffed, the tears subsiding. He wiped at his eyes to keep Dan visible, and saw Dan's head snap back to his.  
  
"You... saw the notes?"  
  
"I threw them away."   
  
"You _what_?!"  
  
Dan's hands were ripped out of his as he darted towards the bathroom, presumably to see for himself. Arin felt a stab, and followed at Dan's heels.   
  
Dan stood in the bathroom, hands at his side, staring at the empty mirror. Arin could see the deadened loss of hope in his eyes through the reflection in the mirror. He backed up, slowly, and met the toilet seat, slumping into it half-heartedly. He seemed to wake back up, out of the awful darkness that he kept waking up into. He could again feel the pounding of his heart, anew in his chest, like it had been sleeping until that moment. He felt the dust that had settled into his bones being shaken off, and smiling didn't hurt so much.   
  
"It's all gone, I guess."  
  
He met his own eyes in the mirror.   
  
"I look like shit."  
  
His voice held a fragile cadence, which is why the dry bark of a laugh was so surprising. Even with the weight still settled on his chest, he felt a sort of freedom in his lack of secrets.   
Arin looked around and snuck a peek of himself in the mirror and giggled at his swollen eyes and red nose.   
  
"So do I."  
  
"Don't even. You're always amazing." Dan rolled his eyes like it was the only exercise he'd ever gotten.   
  
"Coming from the guy that looks like shit." Arin had grabbed another washcloth, wetting it down in the sink.   
  
"Maybe we're both just shit."  
  
"Garbage boyfriends," Arin confirmed, settling on the lip of the tub and turning Dan towards him to wipe his face down.  
  
"That's a TLC show if I've ever heard one." Dan winced at the cold washcloth, and pulled it into his own shaking hands. "I can handle this myself, mom."  
  
"No, because you're going to start talking now. And then we have to explain it to your _actual_  mom. And then your dad. And then figure out why you passed out after getting the shit kicked out of you, that isn't a concussion." Arin walked him through the shitstorm that hadn't even begun yet.   
  
"I haven't eaten in a day or two, if that helps." He stated matter-of-factly, and the nonchalance of it took Arin aback.   
  
"Why haven't you been eating, then? Explain that one first."   
  
"Didn't feel like it."   
  
"That's not a..." Arin leaned forward, resting his forehead into Dan's shoulder. "That's not a reason."   
  
He was too tired to be angry about it. It was just stupid.   
  
"That was a stupid thing to do," he stated the words that his mind provided.   
  
"I know that, now. Noted: Not Eating Makes Me Sleepy."   
  
"That's a sign of anemia, don't joke about it!" Arin pulled away, voice rising, more irritated than enraged. "You can't just-"  
  
Dan looped his arms around Arin's neck, scooting forward and bringing Arin into a long awaited kiss. He didn't want to be the reason he was yelling again, he just wanted to show Arin that nothing had been lost.   
The kiss deepened, and Arin threw all of the worry, fear, and anger he'd had this morning into it, trying to convey just how upset he'd been.   
  
So what if another part of Dan was bruised?   
  
Dan pulled back, not yet detaching from the younger boy. "Can't I?"   
  
Arin had forgotten what led to that, but the answer came anyway.   
  
"No."   
  
"Aw, come on. I thought that would convince you, at least."  
  
"You're gonna have to do a lot more of that to make up for the stunt you pulled. You couldn't help the getting beaten up, I get that, but you could have told me what the bruises were about-"  
  
"Maybe you're just gonna have to kiss it better, huh?"  
  
It was a corny thing to say, but that was Dan. Cliché to the very end.   
  
"I might need to." Arin frowned. "Because I'm not sure there's any other way to make these go away."

Arin's hands brushed over Dan's cheek, pressing in gently on a bruise. Dan didn't even wince, just kept a steady stare on Arin.  
  
"Looks like we'll just have to find out if it works."   
  
"We have all night, if we just lock the door." Dan's hands settled on Arin's hips, and Arin grinned.   
It was definitely tempting.   
But not possible. Not after Deb had already helped so much.   
  
"No, Danny. Sorry. But this is something you have to do, probably soon. Deb is worried."   
  
"Something _we_  have to do?" Dan negotiated, subtly trying to convince Arin to help him.   
  
"I..." Arin furrowed his brow. He couldn't think of a reason not to. "Sure."  
  
"Thank you," he breathed, pressing his own forehead against Arin's. "Just... give me a minute before I have to do this."  
  
"Of course."   
  
Dan looked up, meeting Arin's eyes slowly.   
"You're incredible. Do you know that?"  
  
"Nah."   
  
But he was incredible. For some reason, he had stuck through all of this, and still found Dan somewhat enjoyable at the end of the day.   
  
How had Dan gotten so lucky?  
  
He tilted his head up to see him, slipping his eyes closed and pulled him into a kiss.   
  
What an incredible boy.  
  
This boy named Arin Hanson. 


	17. Ya’ll Ain’t Ready

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m back!!! If you care, I became a senior in high school this year, and things have been VERY BUSY. So I thought I’d give you something at the end of the chapter. I hope you’re still here, and I hope you enjoy it. 
> 
> Thank you for letting me take a break.

Avi and Deb listened to Dan's explanation with frightening acceptance. Granted, it was full of looking to Arin for help, holding his hand in a vice-grip under the table.   
Dan’s shoulders shook, his voice cracking with exhaustion and tears, as he recounted the notes, the shoves against the lockers, and finally, the bathroom.

The mottled bruise was still hard to look at, he could tell. Deb’s eyes flicked to it occasionally, almost immediately wincing away. He felt like such shit, watching his mother nod with a shocking amount of grace when she looked more worried than he’d ever seen her.

Avi’s eyes were downcast, shaking his head subtly as Dan spoke, looking up at Arin for confirmation.

“And you found him?”

Arin looked down in shame, face red and mouth set in a straight.   
“I’m sorry, sir, I... I called Deb because I didn’t think I could carry him. I’m sorry I didn’t do more-“

“We’re all sorry we couldn’t do more,” Deb said bitterly, eyeing Dan down in the way that only a mother could, a look that said ‘ _you’re an idiot, but you’re my idiot.’_

“Leigh, you should have told us more. Told us _anything_ , in fact. Something to let us know you weren’t okay.”

“I know,” he conceded, knowing it was better not to argue. He knew she understood.

Deb turned to the other boy.

“You did the right thing, Arin. I’m sorry you were put in that position.”

“I’m supposed to be helping, but I made it all worse,” he said, partly to himself, but Avi stared daggers at him.

“Now, Arin, if it weren’t for you, Dan would still be on that bench. We owe you.”

They did? But... there was only one thing he wanted.

“Then please let me stay here and help. I have good grades and perfect attendance, I could miss a few days. Please? You both have to work, I want to do something.”

Deb and Avi looked at each other hesitantly, and Deb bit her lip as though trying to decide. Avi’s mouth was set in a straight line.

“How about we go to the doctor first? Get a good diagnosis, and decide how long he should be out of school. Then we can see how long you can stay. With your parent’s permission, of course,” he decided, nodding once in affirmation.

Arin smiled wide, nodding, his hair falling into his face as he did so, squeezing Dan’s hand.

“We should get ready,” Dan said, looking up at everyone, who was still in their work and school clothes. He was in a hoodie and jeans, and he looked quite the mess.

“Or.. I should go get ready.”

He stood, and Deb stood to wrap him into a firm hug, as Dan stood still, shocked.

“You have to tell me if something happens. No more hiding,” she said, her voice tight and strained.

Avi stood and joined him into a hard embrace, backing up and looking him over, his jaw set.

“You’re a good man, Daniel. Don’t let them make you suffer alone.”

Dan nodded tearfully, and Arin backed away a tiny bit, knowing he couldn’t intrude on the relationship Dan had with his parents.

“You’re a good man too, Arin,” Avi said, clapping him on the shoulder, and Arin blushed, smiling.

“Thank you, sir.”

————————

Dan couldn’t get his shirt off by himself. Or his pants. Well, Arin basically dressed him completely.

“We’re wearing colors. Okay? And I’m gonna pull your hair back, and the world’s gonna see that face. Bruise and all.”

Dan’s heart sped up as Arin pulled clothes from his closet and put them over his arm.

“Why?”

“Because you’re handsome. And we can’t have your hair covering stuff at the doctors.”

“Then what are you gonna do about my di-“

“They didn’t hit you there, did they?” Arin stopped cold, looking over at him like he was going to drop the clothes and kick some ass.

“No, god no,” he said, giggling, though it made his chest hurt.

“Good.” He said quietly, clenching the clothes.

Dan stood, walking painfully behind Arin, setting his chin on the man’s shoulder and wrapping his long arms around him. Arin shivered, and Dan chuckled in his ear, the breath hot on his neck.

“This wasn’t your fault, Arin.”

He kissed the nape of the boy’s neck, then pushed his head against him.

“I know,” he whispered.

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you.”

“It wasn’t your fault either.”

“I know.”

————————

When the doctor came back, he had a handful of prescriptions and diagnoses, making Dan’s chest hurt just looking at them.

“Bruised ribs, exhaustion, dehydration, anemia, and a mild concussion,” he rattled off, and Dan winced. That was a lot.

“Oh wow,” Deb said, looking increasingly worried for Dan. “How long until we can expect him to return to school?”

“He should probably take about 3-5 days off,” the doctor answered. “He also has a fever, but that can be expected with his situation.”

They nodded, and the papers were handed to Avi and clutched tightly. All in all, they expected worse. Or Dan had. It had settled into a dull pain, pulsing all around him, but still thumping and annoying enough to keep him out of breath. Of course, the bruised ribs and concussion were the only things he hadn’t done to himself. The dehydration, anemia, exhaustion... everyone was right. He hadn’t been taking care of himself, settling into a numb cycle that stripped him of his appetite and thirst. He’d dropped four pounds.

The doctor continued in explanations until Dan was back in the car, head against the window, no energy to speak but the firm need to apologize. He looked over when a hand snaked it’s way into his, fingers laced, and saw Arin looking at him.   
Dan smiled softly, and Arin brought up his hand, kissing the back of it.

He’d apologized so much that Arin could identify the look. So much that Arin could tell him it was okay without saying a word.

When they had gotten home, Dan was pointed up to bed, and Arin was sent to his room not too long after with a glass of water and pain medicine, as long as the first of many iron supplements he would have to take until his levels were back to normal. Arin watched, as though he’d been told to, Dan take both doses, and looked down when Dan locked eyes with him.

“Making sure I’m not pocketing the pills?”

“It’s just a precaution, babe.”

Arin reached out a hand, silently running it over the side of Dan’s face, inadvertently pushing some of his escaped hair back.

“You should let me do your hair.”

“You’ve already done my hair,” Dan said, finishing off the water and setting the glass aside. It seemed like Arin was watching him very closely, worrying at his lip.

“Again. I want to braid it.”

“Okay...?” Dan snorted, pulling his hair down and keeping the hair tie on his skinny wrist. He sat up and moved forward so Arin could sit behind him. Arin separated his hair like he’d done it a thousand times, though he’d only done it once or twice, working his fingers through the thick curls like an expert.

“Remember when you took me up onto the roof?” Arin asked softly, seemingly out of nowhere. It was a strange question. Remember? Of course he remembered.

“Yeah? We haven’t been together that long, wasn’t like it was twelve years ago-“

“I was really scared. And you knew it without me saying anything. But you told me it was okay, and... it was.”

“I remember,” Dan said softly, his voice muted and head fuzzy. He felt Arin’s forehead rest against his upper back, the boy’s hands still curled in his hair. He could feel Arin breathing, in a weird way.

“I want... I’ve wanted to be that person to you. Y’know? Just making everything okay again. And I know... I know we haven’t been together long, but I feel like..”

“Like I’ve known you forever,” Dan finished, looking down into his lap. He could feel Arin’s soft agreement against his spine, vibrating into his neck in a way that made him want to shiver. He plucked at a string in the bedspread, his throat feeling like it had closed.

He hated everyone when he met Arin. So... why was Arin so different?

“I feel like I was meant to meet you, right? And when I saw you breaking down and I couldn’t do anything- I couldn’t make it better, I felt like I’d done something wrong and I was scared-“

Arin’s voice had hastened in his panic, and it sounded like he might cry again. Dan’s chest got heavy, and he moved without thinking, spinning around and ignoring the pain that sang out in his scalp as Arin’s hands were ripped from it.

“Arin Hanson, you have made everything better since the moment I met you,” Dan declared, staring at him intensely, suddenly very aware of the yellow flecks in his eyes. The younger boy’s face flicked from alarm, confusion, and a feeling like a puzzle piece being ripped from its position and thrown into the center of the masterpiece to some sort of awe that he affixed to Dan.

“You’ve done so much and made so many things bearable for me... I wouldn’t have rolled out of bed half of the mornings that I did if you weren’t waiting. I’d be a hundred times sicker if I’d waited on that bench like I planned to... you..”

Dan was getting more emotional, running out of the right words and slowing down, desperate to tell him how he felt. Words failed him completely, and he stuttered.

“You... Arin, you just... well-“

Dan leaned in, softly resigning himself to the only four words he could come up with, because Arin looked so pure and captivated in that moment, waiting for Dan to explain him.

“Can I kiss you?”

Arin nodded, smiling right as Dan’s left hand was settled in the curve of his jaw, and his lips covered Arin’s. It was soft and quiet, with closed eyes and pulling closer, and knees touching. It felt incredibly teenage, but it felt right for the moment, for heightened emotions and shattering a thousand times before dumping the shards in a bucket and pulling it along.

It was right. Quiet, soft, and gentle.

But when they pulled apart, Arin’s eyes were bleary, the barest hint of tears dotting his eyelashes.

Dan smiled, gently reaching up and wiping over Arin’s eyes. He spoke softly, showing him the water left on his thumb.

“Come on, Big Cat. No more tears. We’ve done enough of that already.”

“I’m sorry,” Arin nodded, looking down as he tried to control his emotions. Looking at Dan was a bit too much now, he just had to quiet the worry and inability to speak that bounced around in his head. Dan ducked down, trying to catch Arin’s eyes.

“Do you want to re-braid my hair?”

Arin nodded silently. At least Dan would be turned around, and Arin could look as stupid as he wanted, still emotionally exhausted from the day they’d had.

So he braided. And when it didn’t look good, he braided again. Anything to keep himself distracted, until Dan announced that he should probably take a break.

Arin fetched him a warm compress for his eye, to take down the swelling, and ice packs for his ribs.

“This is so weird,” he said, laughing.

“What is?” Arin pulled Dan’s shirt over the covered ice packs, laying the boy back so he could rest.

“It’s just... hot and cold. I don’t know, it’s stupid.”

Arin smiled, lying down next to him, pulling the blanket up over the two of them. He giggled, wrapping himself around Dan as best as he could.

“Let’s make you a bit more hot, then, shall we?”

“What, are you gonna blow me?” Dan laughed, winking at Arin, which was lost on him due to the warm compress. Arin blushed darkly, his eyes going wide.

“I- I could.”

“What?? Arin, you don’t have to-“

“It’s not like it had never come to mind, it was just surprising to hear you ask. If it would make you feel better, of course.”

Arin was shockingly matter-of-fact about this, as though he’d been waiting on the opportunity. Dan was blindsided, blushing down to his neck. Suddenly the ice packs were very, very cold.

“B-but you don’t _have to.”_

“What if I want to?”

Dan was speechless, sputtering a bit, until his mouth was just kind of opening and closing like a fish. The question hung in the air like a red balloon.

“I-I mean, I guess... Uhm, I guess you _COULD_ , I dunno, my parents... wouldn’t they- Uhm...”

“Dan, do you want me to, or not?”

Dan breathed, looking up at Arin desperately, his eyes warm and hooded.

“God, _yes_.”


End file.
